Monday, February 26, 2007

Cover stories

Outside my front door this morning there was an explosion. I ran outside to see two cars crumpled together with a dump truck. Upon further investigation, I noticed the dump truck had come to rest on top of a little girl, two boys, and a beagle. Being the manly man that I am I ran to the rescue, and in an adrenaline filled moment of power lifted the dump truck into the air with my bare hands! I think I even balanced it on one finger and twirled it around like a basketball. The harlem globe trotters ain't got shit on me. After everyone was clear I tossed it aside and went about my day. That is how I hurt my back.

orrrrrr not.

I was visiting with my girlfriend today and watching a movie on the tube. Before you know it we were all over each other. Kissing, making out, and such led to the beast with two backs. It was during the 8th of the twelve 'sessions' when I somehow twisted the wrong way and hurt my back.

orrrrr not.

Is it even POSSIBLE to hurt your back and have NO clue how you did it? Surely, it wasn't simply bending down to pet Kash that did it as it seems. Not to the point of barely being able to walk. Hopefully, a night of rest and a heating pad will just make it go away as quickly as it came.

If not, I am going to need a better cover story damn it! All ideas welcome.


BD

18 comments:

SWF41 said...

You were rearranging furniture.

Eminently believable and face-saving, with no baby-saving or car-lifting in sight.

mist1 said...

You probably hurt your back the same way that I bruised my a$$. When I figure out how exactly it happened, I'll let you know.

briliantdonkey said...

SWF: I was really liking that idea but then mist came along.

Mist1: On second thought I may have to go with the furniture moving excuse. "hurting my back the same way mist bruised her ass"

wow, I was just going for minor heroic status with the dump truck twirling story, but that....

THAT would make be beYOND hero, THAT would go beYOND legend, they would name streets after me, hell buildings and bridges as well. Don't take MY word for it, just ask you. Hmmmm, I wonder if it would ruin my anonymity?

BD

Kim G. said...

You totally had me in the first few sentences and I let out a gasp and covered my mouth - that is until you lifted the dump truck! (Crap, I'm gullible!)

Try those disposable heat wraps. (Therma-wrap - I think that's the brand name?) They cost an arm and a leg but they're worth it when you're in pain!

James Burnett said...

Furniture moving is the most believable cover, I think.

I once threw my back out bending over to pick up a dust pan after sweeping the floor. What's most pathetic about it is I was 19 or 20 at the time and in the "best" condition of my life.

alyndabear said...

Whatever you did, I hope your back settles down soon - it's a horrible place to injure...

Bice said...

You threw it out carrying the rest of the staff at work.

Esmerelda said...

I have no good excuse for you. Ibuprophen, rest, and gentle stretches. I, too, loved the first one, but the second is much more fun...check to make sure you're wearing good shoes since you're on your feet all day!

speedwobble said...

Lol, I usually go with the second excuse. I never know why my back goes out, but the folks at work seem inclines to believe me when I tell them it was a Kama Sutra induced injury...

Roadchick said...

Tell the truth.

You were cleaning, weren't you?

Foolish.

That's what you told the 'chick when she hurt her back. . .

Just telling it like it is said...

I'm just saying your know your getting old when you hurt your back and you have no earthy idea how...

Shie't I hate it when that happens..

heather said...

time to own your age there bd. now before you panic, i did ~not~ say ~act~ your age. i said ~own~it.

Michael Thomas said...

DON'T go with the same cause of the bruise on MIST's A$$! Last time I checked she had determined that the midget firemen bit her. Unless, you were trying to pull the midget fireman out of her A$$.....................

briliantdonkey said...

Kim: what? you don't think I can lift a dump truck? Dangit I knew the spinning thing might give me away.

JB: Consider that my excuse for NOT sweeping my floor this week.

Alynda: thanks for the well wishes

Bice: that might work,,,,not completly unbelievable either....should I say I was spinning them on my finger?

esmerelda: thanks, good idea. Always good to have good shoes while following story # 2.

speedwobble: No matter how often I said 'no no it was nothing like that' that is exzachary what they chose to beleive.

Chick: can't say I remember saying/doing that. Then again, I just typed this comment to you in an IM box to christine out of the blue, so apparently remembering things isn't my strong suit.


J.T.I.L.I.I: I think I get the screen name now lol.

Heather: Thanks for clarifying. I was about to have you escorted out by security if you told me to act my age.

Michael: never one to let facts get in the way of a good story so I just tweaked the truth a bit. Watch for me on the today show tomorrow.

BD

Sebastien said...

You were being chased by the Russian mafia whilst skiing down a treacherous part of the Swiss Alps. The mafiosos unloaded several rounds of ammunition at you, causing you to lose your balance and fall down a ravine where a wolf found you and pulled you to safety and nursed you somewhat back to health...

Hope your back feels better, could've happened while you slept? I've hurt my neck sleeping...

fringes said...

Uh, you're 38? No, that couldn't possibly be it.

Mila Tan said...

I'd vote for the skiing. I was laid up after my first attempt at swooshing the slopes.

There was a blurb on a tabloid magazine where a top ranked men's tennis player said he injured his back after laughing too hard. Likewise you could say you were singing ala Pilita Corrales and it all went awry (aray).

NoRegrets said...

Um, you're old?
I just recently threw out my back also for no good reason. It sucks, doesn't it? Hobbling around... But I am living proof that it does get better. But, you might want to start exercising your 'core'.