Wednesday, February 14, 2007

My lucky day

I guess it is safe to say that everyone has their share of pet peeves. Things that drive you batty. For lack of anything better to post about today, I guess I will head in that direction.

Gas pumps: Does anyone else feel these things insult your intelligence? I get the pay before you pump thing. It makes sense even though I don't much like the whole concept of punishing everyone for the sins of a few. I can even deal with sitting there pumping my 20 dollars worth of gas and the thing clicks off at 19.10. To me it is the pumps way of saying in what for some reason is a British accented, haughty waiter like voice:

"Pardon me sir, but just in case you were daydreaming I thought you would like to know that you are nearing your spending limit. Should you exceed this limit you do realize you will have to go back into the store, look like a bloody fool, and pay the difference. I know how much such a task would inconvenience you so pay attention now okay mate?" Don't ask me why the pump has a bad British accent or why it sometimes thinks it is Australian, but for some reason it does.

So there I am, fully awake, fully paying attention and what happens? It continues to pump gas at a rate of 2 cents per 8 seconds the rest of the way. At this point for some reason the nice but haughty british waiter evolves into simon cowell. I can almost hear him saying ' you are such a freaking moron, and I am SO sure you will screw this up that I am going to give the rest of your gas to you in thimble sized portions which I only hope you can handle. There you go.......all filled up,,,Now get the HELL out! "

Walmart/shopping carts: You are a 223,234,892 BILLION dollar company. Do you THINK maybe just maybe you could spare the seven dollars to pay a kid to oh I don't know, GO out and round up the damned shopping carts once in a while? I honestly do not think I have ever been to a Walmart that had less than 50 carts in the lot strewn about like bumper cars. Busiest part of the day or 3 am in the morning it doesn't seem to matter. Carts in the parking lot usually outnumber the cars. They are evil minded too. It seems to never fail that I will be crossing th parking lot headed for the store when I hear a distant rumbling. Sure enough, I turn around to see a cart picking up speed and heading for someones unsuspecting car. Oh, and GREAT idea building your lot on an incline by the way!

Perfect pennies

Okay, I get that people don't like to have a lot of spare change in their pockets. That really is understandable to me. However, here is an idea. Have the change ready for goodness sakes. Pull out a couple of quarters, a few dimes, a nickle and some pennies. When the cashier tells you your total, blam you pay and be done with it. If you have to root through your purse, for the penny or check more than one pocket you forfeit your right to do so. Pay with the extra whole dollar and deal with the change.

Forgetful teller visitors: We've all been there. You are at the bank, in the drive through waiting behind 6 cars. You see the little tube come back to the car in front of you. You have waited in line patiently like a kid waiting to ride space mountain. Finally,it is your turn and then arrrrrrrrghhhhhhh they forgot to sign something, left out their Identification, or some such thing. Before you know it the tube has gone back and forth 3 times. HEY MORON there IS a commercial lane you know? This to me is like seeing the ride at space mountain come back to pick you up. Only in this case everyone on the ride has decided, 'nahhh we want to ride again' and refuses to give up their seats to those of us waiting patiently. If I ever own a bank tellers will have explicit instructions. If the person in the car forgets something send everything back to them, and tell them to go around and wait in line again. NO exceptions.

Dollars in order:
Oh I just LOVE standing in a long line of people, probably to pay the 12 cents I went over on the gas pump and watch the cashier sort all of their one dollar bills facing the same direction. Look, I don't CARE that your anal boss wants them all facing the same direction! MINE does too, and she GETS it that way. However, I do it that way when there are NOT 8 people waiting in line!

Red light runners

Don't you just love when someone makes a left in front of you five seconds after your light has turned green? Better yet the idiots that not only run the red light but do so only to wind up with their arse stuck in the crossroad, blocking lanes of traffic.

Mustang Sally is almost paid off. I still love my car, and have no intention of trading it in anytime soon. However, when the day comes that I decide to do so, we have already decided to go down in a blaze of glory. Here is my plan. I will gas her up. Since the clerk at the store knows me well, I will convince her to let me stop the pump on my own. I will then daydream to the point of going over 1.02 cents. When this happens, I will head back inside, tell the cashier I will be back with the rest and head off to the bank. There I shall make a withdrawal in the drive thru for one dollar and two cents. After sending the tube back to her I shall push the 'call' button and tell her over the intercom 'here I have 3 pennies just give me 1.05 instead.' I will proceed to then send the extra three pennies back to her through the tube one at a time. Of course this will infuriate the gentleman in the car behind me whom I will tell to go to hell. When he gets out of his car to approach mine and I see he is none other than former linebacker Dick Butkus I will put the mustang in gear and fly out of the parking lot. A red light runner will surely choose this very moment to pull in front of me and block traffic. Ohhhh big mistake my friend, big mistake. Following the crash, we will pull out of traffic into the nearest wall mart parking lot. I will offer to pay him in cash instead of going through insurance. When he finally agrees I will pull the money out of my trunk which will be solely one dollar bills. Each will be facing one of four different ways of course. As I sort them out one by one I will hear that distant rumble, and look up just in time to see him get run over by eight angry runaway walmart carts.

Nah, I could never be so lucky


What are some of YOUR pet peeves?


Just telling it like it is said...

I think I neede might xanex or ativan just reading this post...or maybe I will smoke a Cigarrette. Witch ever is the cheeper

alyndabear said...

BD, you are my hero. You summed up all of my pet peeves (much wittier than I could have ever done, also) and it's so true.

We ran into a retired Canadian dude in New Zealand, who spent half an hour of our Maori cultural concert telling us that Walmart is evil. Evil. Sounds like it's true, thinking of those psychotic shopping trolleys.

Just add in kids that are brats, parents that are brattier and teachers that are the brattiest of all brats, and you've summed my peeves in a nutshell.

(How did I get into this bloody big nutshell?)

Pennies? Hee. So American! I love it.

Michael Thomas said...

As a cashier 8 weekends a year, and busy ones at that - The customer should hand me the dollars presorted, don't you think? And as for the teller - it is Michael's Law of banking that no matter which line I pick from shortest to longest, the person in the car directly in front of me will be attempting to open an account or close out a trust fund through the drive through window. It NEVER fails.

Ariel said...

I have so many pet peeves. I come down here to write them in and go blank!!! I guess I'm in a non peeve mood today.

mist1 said...

I don't have any pet peeves that I don't do myself. In fact, I think I am many people's pet peeve.

Q said...

Mine are those guys at various night clubs that won't let you touch the dancers and threaten to kick you out if you do it again. Look buddy I have paid my $25 just let me have a little...

The Sarcasticynic said...

From my blog, I culled the following Pet Peeves:

#1: People who carelessly block the passage of other people.
#2: People who accelerate their vehicles when they see I am signaling to enter their lane.
#3: Computers that do what they want to do, and not necessarily what I want them to do.
#4: Parents who bestow ridiculous names onto their children.

speedwobble said...

#1 - 'cool' people. Of any variety. You know, the ones who look down their nose at you, because you don't wear the right brand of underwear. Actually, scratch that, they are more a source of amusement than pet peeve...

#2 - Anyone trying to convert me to Anything, Ever. Religion, hairstyle, soda brand, whatever. I already know what I like. I'm not going to change my mind.

#3 - cat hair.

#4 - children who have needed a spanking for years, and never gotten one.

The list goes on and on...

fringes said...

These are now my pet peeves after reading this post.

Killer said...

Were you getting gas at BP? Because those might be English sounding pumps.

Pet Peeve: Right now it is my patient who keeps calling out that he wants some water, after I told him a hundred times he can't have any water. My job would be so much easier if they kept all the sick people out of the hospital.

briliantdonkey said...

Just telling it like it is: Just remember the old grade school lesson, "bring enough for the WHOLE class or leave your xanax at home!"

Alynda: Glad you agree, Misery as they say, loves company after all.
On another note, every time you or someone else says "hee" I can't help think of the witch from wizard of oz. NOthing wrong with it, just strikes my funny bone for some reason.

Michael: I have the very same luck, so I know it well. I think this post angered some 'God of irony' or something. The VERY next day I went through the teller and forgot to insert my deposit slip. I penalized myself and went around again just for the record. I think three tellers fainted.

Ariel: sounds like a good pet peeve to me. How come I can remember clearly the ugly shirt I wore for my 5th grade yearbook picture, but can't remember what I was JUST going to do two seconds ago?

Q: Those snooty bastards!

Sarc: All very good ones.

Speedwobble: welcome to the blog. As far as people looking down at you because you are wearing the wrong sort of underwear,,,,,ummmmm they MAY be looking at you that way cause the underwear is supposed to be worn on the INSIDE not out....Don't ask me how I found this one out btw.

Fringes: always great to see you

Killer: As a matter of fact I was, but it was a different kind of gas. Damned gas station food courts!


heather said...

i'm sooo with you regarding the carts at walmart. the thing that kills me is that i work for a grocery store and we do a ~much~ better job at keeping the lot cleared! we don't even have those motorized cart pushers that walmart has and we ~still~ manage to get the job done.
p.s. i am certian bank tellers throughout the country are in awe of the guy who did the right thing! your name will be celebrated for years to come. don't be supprised to see wwbdd braclets for sale at local bank branches!

Chris said...

Knoxville is the WORST city I have ever been to, for red light running. Both the "Oh, I was already out waiting to turn" variety that you mentioned, but even worse, the "I don't care, I'm going through this red light at 50mph" kind.

Last year they installed red light camera systems at the 10 worst intersections. Everyone should be happy right? Noooooo. There was outcry that it was "unsafe" because people would get rear ended when they (gasp) actually stop for a red light.

My Blog