Monday, February 26, 2007

Cover stories

Outside my front door this morning there was an explosion. I ran outside to see two cars crumpled together with a dump truck. Upon further investigation, I noticed the dump truck had come to rest on top of a little girl, two boys, and a beagle. Being the manly man that I am I ran to the rescue, and in an adrenaline filled moment of power lifted the dump truck into the air with my bare hands! I think I even balanced it on one finger and twirled it around like a basketball. The harlem globe trotters ain't got shit on me. After everyone was clear I tossed it aside and went about my day. That is how I hurt my back.

orrrrrr not.

I was visiting with my girlfriend today and watching a movie on the tube. Before you know it we were all over each other. Kissing, making out, and such led to the beast with two backs. It was during the 8th of the twelve 'sessions' when I somehow twisted the wrong way and hurt my back.

orrrrr not.

Is it even POSSIBLE to hurt your back and have NO clue how you did it? Surely, it wasn't simply bending down to pet Kash that did it as it seems. Not to the point of barely being able to walk. Hopefully, a night of rest and a heating pad will just make it go away as quickly as it came.

If not, I am going to need a better cover story damn it! All ideas welcome.


Sunday, February 25, 2007

Male panel questions and answers

About a week ago I was recruited to the male panel to answer women's questions that they wanted to pose to us guys and get real answers to. I don't know how much 'help' my answers will provide since I don't tend to think like a 'typical guy' but for what it is worth they are posted over at Cardiac Fantasies along with the answers the rest of the panel provided as well. The panel included Myself, michael, Q, and Bice. Feel free to agree. Feel free to whole heartedly DISagree. I just hope if worse comes to worse you(like me) are willing agree to disagree. That and if you DO feel the need to go batshit about one of my answers you do so here on MY blog and don't drag it over to someone elses. I don't see that being a problem, but who knows. Anywhoo here are the list of questions. You will have to click over to see the answers.

Hey guys - sorry about the delay on this - I meant to get this out sooner but apparently it's my turn for Friday chaos. Anyway. Questions are below. Have fun!

Question 1: Why do men say they want a confident, assertive, independent woman, then tuck tail and run when they discover I AM a confident, assertive, and independent woman?

Question 2) What's the deal with guys saying they want a relationship when what they're actually looking for is only a steady, no-strings-attached lay?

Question 3) Why is there ~still~ a double standard regarding past sexual partners. If guys sleep with 6 girls a year they are considered studs. If a girl sleeps with 6 guys a year, they are considered sluts.

Question 4)Why is it that putting the seat and lid down on the toilet is so friggin impossible? All I'm asking is that you leave it as you found it. I gave up on asking you to actually aim for the bowl, but please, put the seat and lid down!

Question 5)Why are fart jokes so predominant in male humor? Is it partly wanting to remain 12 years old? Do you ~have~ to pass it on to your kids?

Question 6)He rarely asks me to come down to his house. If I don't come down, though, he complains and gets all put out. If he wants me around, why doesn't he just ask?

Question 7) Why does he consider rinsing dishes and leaving them on the counter "cleaning the kitchen"?

Question 8)Why is it men get so offended if I insist I can do something myself? Is it that they don't get the idea of a woman that won't break or something?

Like I said before, feel free to agree, disagree, or even continue discussing it.

Thats about it.

Michael over at Cardiac fantasies did a compilation of the whole panel's answers. Likewise Roadchick has a panel of women who were asked questions from guys and did the same thing. Be sure to head on over there and check those out.


Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Blind sight is twenty twenty

A blind man walks into the restaurant. No no this isn't the beginning of a bad joke. Seriously, today a blind man walked into the restaurant. I would LIKE to say that I didn't know he was blind. I would LIKE to say that he was so good at covering up his handicap that I could hardly tell. That would make me feel a tad bit better.

Truth is he DID impress the hell out of me with how well he got along in spite of his blindness but I still saw the walking cane with the red stripe on the end soon after he came in so I can't use that as an excuse. So let's examine the various ways that I managed to screw THIS up shall we?

Door chimes.

Me:"good evening sir, welcome to Biffy's, have a seat anywhere you'd like."

Nothing more than the casual greeting I utter 400 times a day, it is just a reflex. At this point, I actually NOTICE the cane and feel just a wee bit like an idiot. Ooops.
Screw up count=1

I run over to the door, carrying a menu which I have grabbed from the hostess stand(again, just a reflex) and escort him to a seat. Halfway there I realize A)we don't have a braille menu and B)I have a normal menu in my hand, pretty much useless to a blind man.

Screw up count=2 or 3 even.

At this point, I have a quick conversation in my head.

Voice 1: "ditch the menu fool, what is he going to do with it?"

voice 2: "shit! You are right."

V1: "wait!" (menu already falling in slow motion towards the table i just threw it on)

V1: "You can't toss the menu, he will hear it, know you tried to bring a normal menu and then how stupid will you feel?"

I believe at this point People in Iowa began calling various news stations to report a loud bang. Gunshots or terrorism was the immediate thought but it turns out to only have been an idiot in Florida dropping a menu on the table.

V2: "Now you tell me! shit!"

Man: "yeah, I won't be needing the menu, he says with a little laugh, but thanks."

current screw up count=4

Determined to recover, I take his arm and lead him to the table close to the door. "here you go sir, the table is just to the left." He turns a bit to his left. This is probably as good a time as any to point out that the table is on MY left as I am now facing him. In the Army in basic training one of the commands while marching would be for the whole platoon to 'turn left'. Invariably, one idiot would turn right at this command. The punishment for this mistake was the drill sergeant would yell out "Your OTHER left!" to the offender and often force them to carry a brick in his left hand all day, to remind him which was his left. In the 15 years since then, this has become one of my little sayings that I enjoy. If I tell someone something is on the left and they look right, "your other left" I will say with a laugh patting myself on the back for my wit.

Karma, she is an evil bitch sometimes my friends.....

Tapping his cane back and forth and finding nothing but air he turns to me and says, "ahh my other left." "I ,,,,I'm ,,,,,I'm sorry," I stammer getting him turned back to his seat. "It is on MY left your right."

I have often said that my life is like an episode of Seinfeld. By now,I am reminded of the episode where Jerry has the hots for the girl who turns out to be an Indian and keeps accidentally screwing up and offending her.

When I go back in a bit to check on how his meal is going we get to talking a bit. He asks me about several employees and how they have been doing. He asks about the owner and how some of the things she was going through a while back turned out. It becomes clear that in spite of being the first time I have seen him, he had been a 'regular' at some point and time.

"I am BD" I say, extending my hand. "It has been great talking to you let me know if there is anything else I can help you with."

My hand goes unshook. Damn it, these reflexes are killing me tonight.

V1: (laughing) He is BLIND you freaking moron he can't see your outstretched hand!

I put my hand down, looking around to see if anyone else has noticed my stupidity, or the 42 shades of red I feel my face turning.

V2: "groaaaan, I give up."

Screw up count 37.

When he gets up to leave I escort him to the door. I am quite glad to have met him but glad it is over at the same time.

"Thanks for coming back in" I say showing him to the cab.

V1: "good, good no harm there FINALLY we are getting somewhere!"

In hindsight I think had I only continued with "have a good night" or any of the other reflexive comments I give guests as they are leaving the screw up count could have ended at 37.

Even if I had only continued with the ever reflexive "come back and see us" comment the screw up count could have stopped at 72.

But oh no, not me, I start OFF saying just that, realize half way through what I am saying and am not really sure what came out. I think it was

Come back and seEEEE ........ahhhh mother F**&@*R!!!!!!!!

screw up count 4,234,743.


Tuesday, February 20, 2007

friggin telemarketers!

Came across this today and thought I would share. Hilarious if you ask me.



Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Diamond Rio

I received an interesting email today. Just one of the many 'here pass this on' sort of emails that I tend to get from time to time. Religion is one of those things that I have always more or less steered clear of when it comes to blogging or talking about it. It is safe to say, I am far from a Bible thumper(not that there is anything wrong with that). However, I do want to share this for what it is worth.

According to the email Diamond Rio came out with this song in 2005. For reasons of political correctness radio stations refused to play it. I have no idea how true this is but know I had never heard it until just now. While I believe in political correctness to a degree I also believe there is a point where it often goes wayyyyy too far. Right or wrong to me, this is one of those cases so I am posting it here for what little it is worth.

Dear Diamond Rio:

Great song. I can't do anything about fixing the problem of having your song shared with the 4 million people it should have been shared with. However, I thought you would like to know that it has now been passed on to my mighty readership of 4. Only 3,999,996 more to go!

Sincerely yours,


My lucky day

I guess it is safe to say that everyone has their share of pet peeves. Things that drive you batty. For lack of anything better to post about today, I guess I will head in that direction.

Gas pumps: Does anyone else feel these things insult your intelligence? I get the pay before you pump thing. It makes sense even though I don't much like the whole concept of punishing everyone for the sins of a few. I can even deal with sitting there pumping my 20 dollars worth of gas and the thing clicks off at 19.10. To me it is the pumps way of saying in what for some reason is a British accented, haughty waiter like voice:

"Pardon me sir, but just in case you were daydreaming I thought you would like to know that you are nearing your spending limit. Should you exceed this limit you do realize you will have to go back into the store, look like a bloody fool, and pay the difference. I know how much such a task would inconvenience you so pay attention now okay mate?" Don't ask me why the pump has a bad British accent or why it sometimes thinks it is Australian, but for some reason it does.

So there I am, fully awake, fully paying attention and what happens? It continues to pump gas at a rate of 2 cents per 8 seconds the rest of the way. At this point for some reason the nice but haughty british waiter evolves into simon cowell. I can almost hear him saying ' you are such a freaking moron, and I am SO sure you will screw this up that I am going to give the rest of your gas to you in thimble sized portions which I only hope you can handle. There you go.......all filled up,,,Now get the HELL out! "

Walmart/shopping carts: You are a 223,234,892 BILLION dollar company. Do you THINK maybe just maybe you could spare the seven dollars to pay a kid to oh I don't know, GO out and round up the damned shopping carts once in a while? I honestly do not think I have ever been to a Walmart that had less than 50 carts in the lot strewn about like bumper cars. Busiest part of the day or 3 am in the morning it doesn't seem to matter. Carts in the parking lot usually outnumber the cars. They are evil minded too. It seems to never fail that I will be crossing th parking lot headed for the store when I hear a distant rumbling. Sure enough, I turn around to see a cart picking up speed and heading for someones unsuspecting car. Oh, and GREAT idea building your lot on an incline by the way!

Perfect pennies

Okay, I get that people don't like to have a lot of spare change in their pockets. That really is understandable to me. However, here is an idea. Have the change ready for goodness sakes. Pull out a couple of quarters, a few dimes, a nickle and some pennies. When the cashier tells you your total, blam you pay and be done with it. If you have to root through your purse, for the penny or check more than one pocket you forfeit your right to do so. Pay with the extra whole dollar and deal with the change.

Forgetful teller visitors: We've all been there. You are at the bank, in the drive through waiting behind 6 cars. You see the little tube come back to the car in front of you. You have waited in line patiently like a kid waiting to ride space mountain. Finally,it is your turn and then arrrrrrrrghhhhhhh they forgot to sign something, left out their Identification, or some such thing. Before you know it the tube has gone back and forth 3 times. HEY MORON there IS a commercial lane you know? This to me is like seeing the ride at space mountain come back to pick you up. Only in this case everyone on the ride has decided, 'nahhh we want to ride again' and refuses to give up their seats to those of us waiting patiently. If I ever own a bank tellers will have explicit instructions. If the person in the car forgets something send everything back to them, and tell them to go around and wait in line again. NO exceptions.

Dollars in order:
Oh I just LOVE standing in a long line of people, probably to pay the 12 cents I went over on the gas pump and watch the cashier sort all of their one dollar bills facing the same direction. Look, I don't CARE that your anal boss wants them all facing the same direction! MINE does too, and she GETS it that way. However, I do it that way when there are NOT 8 people waiting in line!

Red light runners

Don't you just love when someone makes a left in front of you five seconds after your light has turned green? Better yet the idiots that not only run the red light but do so only to wind up with their arse stuck in the crossroad, blocking lanes of traffic.

Mustang Sally is almost paid off. I still love my car, and have no intention of trading it in anytime soon. However, when the day comes that I decide to do so, we have already decided to go down in a blaze of glory. Here is my plan. I will gas her up. Since the clerk at the store knows me well, I will convince her to let me stop the pump on my own. I will then daydream to the point of going over 1.02 cents. When this happens, I will head back inside, tell the cashier I will be back with the rest and head off to the bank. There I shall make a withdrawal in the drive thru for one dollar and two cents. After sending the tube back to her I shall push the 'call' button and tell her over the intercom 'here I have 3 pennies just give me 1.05 instead.' I will proceed to then send the extra three pennies back to her through the tube one at a time. Of course this will infuriate the gentleman in the car behind me whom I will tell to go to hell. When he gets out of his car to approach mine and I see he is none other than former linebacker Dick Butkus I will put the mustang in gear and fly out of the parking lot. A red light runner will surely choose this very moment to pull in front of me and block traffic. Ohhhh big mistake my friend, big mistake. Following the crash, we will pull out of traffic into the nearest wall mart parking lot. I will offer to pay him in cash instead of going through insurance. When he finally agrees I will pull the money out of my trunk which will be solely one dollar bills. Each will be facing one of four different ways of course. As I sort them out one by one I will hear that distant rumble, and look up just in time to see him get run over by eight angry runaway walmart carts.

Nah, I could never be so lucky


What are some of YOUR pet peeves?

Monday, February 12, 2007

Valentines day

"wake up mom"

Shandra finally registered the shaking of her bed as not being part of a dream and rolled over to find her son staring at her from the side of the bed. Instantly awake she sat up and asked him what was wrong.

"nothing he replied, but don't get out of bed!"

Shandra groaned, remembering the last time he had told her to 'stay here' with that particular look in his eyes. She was about to follow him into the living room when 'peanut butter', scampered into the room. She called the dog and patted the side of the bed urging him to join her. She couldn't help but laugh when instead of jumping up on the bed the dog just stared at her and turned his head in the classic 'I don't understand what I am hearing' way that only dogs have.

"I know, I know I yell at you all the time for jumping on the bed and here I am urging you to do just that. It's okay come on! Besides I AM a woman and therefore reserve the right to change my mind."

Peanut butter paused a moment longer as if considering whether this was a test or not before finally jumping up on the bed to join her.

"Well at least he didn't shave you this time." She said while looking the dog over closely. What is he up to out there huh? It's still a stupid name you know." She smiled at the memory of trying to change vick's choice of names for the dog.

"But peanut butter is my favorite food," he had reasoned at the time.

"I know honey, but peanut butter is just not a good name for a dog. Peanut would be okay, Butter would be okay even but peanut butter? Think of something else you like."

Several suggestions of ice cream, fried chicken, and such later she had finally given in to Peanut butter.

After what felt like an eternity, vick finally swung the door open and told her to close her eyes. She complied and was quite surprised when she was allowed to open them to find a plate of scrambled eggs, pancakes and a bowl of lucky charms sitting in front of her. She looked to vick in surprise.

"Happy Valentines day mom!"

"you made pancakes? All by yourself?"

"Yeah" he said casually, waving it off like it was no big deal.

"The directions are right on the side of the box mom. Put two eggs in a bowl with milk and the mix and beat them with a fork."

"Awww thank you baby that was very sweet of you, it looks so good!"

Vick was now sitting on the side of the bed clearly waiting for her to dig in. Shandra took a tentative bite. The crunchiness of the pancakes told her immediately he had indeed followed the directions on the box quite literally.
She Ignored the bits of eggshell scattered about the pancakes and eggs as long as she could and washed them down with orange juice before moving on to the safer Lucky charms.

"mmmmmm, yummy" she finally said. "This is the best valentines day present ever, and from from the best valentine !"

For more Sunday scribblings on this week's prompt "Yummy" please click here.

Happy valentines day all, especially to all the single moms out there.


Saturday, February 10, 2007

weekend plans

I am working tomorrow but then am off for my fairly usual Sunday/monday 'weekend'. Nothing major planned other than hoping to finish off a small piece for a contest entry and go to my off season fantasy football league meeting. Other than that it will be nothing more than catching up on the boob tube and washing my badly in need car finally. 24, Beauty and the geek, Survivor, ER, Lost and American Idol to begin with. Time permitting I may finally watch Saw 3, and perhaps even a seinfeld marathon(either that or friends I am not sure). Speaking of 24, if you are a fan of the show head on over to Q's place to see the spoof his cousin did of the show. QUITE funny. You may even like it if you don't like the show but probably not as much.

There is little to no doubt that Jack Bauer is one bad ass mo-fo. However, how long till they ruin that image for me yet again this year. Some things about this show go without saying. You know at some point the phrase 'it is a matter of National security' is going to pop up.

You know eventually someone will aquire some sort of WMD to threaten the nation with.

You know that at some point Jack is going to beat the hell out of someone (probably saying 'don't make me do this, I don't want to hurt you but I will) to make them talk.

You know at some point there will be someone inside(always inside the same damned building) who turns out to be a traitor. What they don't do background checks at CTU?

All of these things are forgivable. Inspite of all this ,I find myself glued to the television week after week wondering what will happen next. And then they ruin it for me.

Then comes the part where Jack is shown running. For such a bad ass I swear he runs like a girl! Okay that takes some perserverence on my part but I can overcome it. As if to push me over the edge though, every year the producers decide running like a girl isn't enough. Lets give him a satchel of some sort to have to carry while running.....and then to torture BD even more so, lets have him where the satchel like a purse draped over his head on the other shoulder.

Dear producers,

Just put some freaking panty hose on him and get it over with!

In comments, what are YOUR weekend plans.

On another note, I thought I had posted this here before already, but I guess I didn't. A few of you may have already read it but in case you haven't here was my entry into the Clarity of Night "silent grey" shortstory competition. The rules were pretty simple, post a story based on the above picture in(gulppppp) 250 words or less.

Anyways here was my entry:

Look at it. Painted over and boarded up to keep out the looky loo's. Don't they realize doing so keeps the victims and their souls locked in? Keeps the truth locked in? The room will be burned into my memory forever, especially the smell; a combination of urine,blood,sweat,tears,and even fear.
To a detective, every room tells a story.
I can still hear their screams. The begging and pleading for their mommies. No amount of Plywood and paint would keep them out of my head. I see the scrapes of missing paint on the radiator and dried blood on the shackles. I see the 12 pairs of kid's shoes piled in the corner. I see the outline of the dirty mattress on the floor after having it sent to the lab. They say a raccoon will chew through his own paw to get free from a trap; now I believe it.
It was a group of detectives entering the room that day, but a group of fathers surveying the grim scene. Words were both unspoken and unnecessary. Wondering what hell these kids had gone through and where they were. Wondering what kind of demon would do such a thing. Unspoken vows that the animal responsible would pay. That case changed many lives.
Johnson turned in his badge the next day.
Jefferson, slowly drank himself to death two years later.
Rodriguez and Koslowski swallowed pistols 5 years apart.
Only I am left to avenge these children but I will never catch me.
A very belated congratulations to all the winners. If you are looking for some interesting shortstories to read head on over to The Clarity of night and read some of the other entries as well. Thanks again Jason for another awesome contest, and even more so for your feedback which as always is appreciated greatly. To all of you who only blog 'on the clock' have a great weekend. To my fellow poor schmoes who don't have that luxury, I hope to see you this weekend sometime.

Friday, February 09, 2007

open season answers part 1

Some of the easier questions I already answered in the comment section of the last post. Now on to a few of the longer ones.

Woo woo asked:I want to know the most dangerous thing you've ever done.

Well I DID once ask Chick, Fringes, and Mist something along the lines of "are you going to drink that?" What happened next, I am not really sure but apropos of nothing whatsoever, Joe Montanna had to retire after 3 concussions I think.

Seriously though,
Interesting question. Believe it or not I have never so much as sampled any sort of drug, but in my younger days I was quite an adrenaline junky. Especially while spending four years in the Army. I have been white water rafting,Rappeling, hang gliding, rock climbing, and sky diving. Far and away the most dangerous, and admittedly stupid thing I have ever done is 'train chicken.' The way that worked was two people kneel on each side of the train tracks and lay their heads on the track facing away from the oncoming train. The last to move was the so called winner. Fortunately, I came to my senses quickly enough to lose by a mile and never do it again. Quite a bit of time later, one of my good friends died playing this 'so called game.' Not trying harder to be sure this game stopped is something I will live with for the rest of my life and deservedly so.

Ariel writes: "Let's see: You wake up on an island. In front of you stand two beautiful women smiling. They lick their lips and you want to run and grab them. Suddenly you realize you're looking up because you're buried to your neck in sand. Also, you start wondering if the women think you're irresistable or if that's hunger you see in their eyes? How do you handle the situation?

First off, Ariel welcome to the blog and thanks for the question. I think I may need more information. Does this have anything to do with my 'pass the chips' post? Have they read it? Oddly enough the first thought that came to my mind when reading this is 'hmmmm buried in sand, is it possible to get a woody while buried in sand?" Sounds like something George Costanza would ask.

Presuming they have NOT read that post, As I see it I have at least two things going for me in this situation. On the one hand I am allegedly a writer so I have an imagination. In addition, I am a male soooooooo when it comes to all things penile,,,,,,I have an imagination.

That said it is simple. I would think of getting a woody, digging my way out, thereby impressing the girls enough to forget about their hunger and live happily ever after. In reality, since I am probably buried in MORE than 2.3 inches of sand, I would mistake their hungry looks as interest and probably die with a confused look on my face after seeing my famous 'hey baby whats your sign' pickup line not work........Again!.......I don't get it I just don't get it. Women!

Guess that is about all for tonight. I will try to get to the others later


Thursday, February 08, 2007

Open season

Okay this is YALL's (your welcome Roadchick) ........thats right YALLS fault. I was ready to work on a whole other post tonight when I got home from work but NOOOOO! Instead I go through what has become pretty much the normal routine.

Open the door.......

Talk to kash in ways that would have my man card, and penis repo'd in a heartbeat.

Play with Kash for about 10 minutes.

change clothes, and shower after letting her outside.

Turn on the computer.......

Click on the little Icon.......

whoa! 194 freaking new posts? Do yall not know how slowly I read? How in da heck am I supposed to post something new of my own when I have all that reading to distract me?

With that being the case, and in order to be able to get on with some of that must do reading I am going to cheat a little bit and open up the floor.

If there is anything anyone wants to ask me, here is your chance, Bring it on. Consider it briliant donkey open season. Serious? Joking? Or a combination of the above, let er rip and I will answer as best I can.

Now off to do some more reading.

I repeat, YALLS fault!


Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Super bowl commercials

So I have just recently heard of a new strategy that big companies are using. I don't know how true it is but it seems like a brilliant idea to me. Memo to self: You may need to change the name of your blog to spell it right. You just had to backspace and add the extra 'L' cause you are spelling it wrong without doing so intentionally anymore.


Basically, they make a commercial that they know won't get by the ad committee. They then post it on something like you tube and the like and instead of paying millions to be seen by say a million Americans, it can be seen world wide.

For instance there is this one:

Call me crazy, but that was infinitely better than any of the ones from the actual game to me.


Advice from me to me

Fringes stole this Idea from woo-woo, who stole it from someone else who......well you get the idea. Anywhoooooo now it is my turn to steal so here goes. Some brutally honest advice to myself.

Memo to self:

1-You know that whole 'nice guys finish last' saying? It may be true whether you choose to admit it or not. You have fought it long enough and valiantly I might add but it is time to compromise at least a bit.

2-You are right, "If you hate the person you become to avoid being TOO nice then it kind of defeats the purpose. You don't have to go into full blown 'prick' mode and turn into one of the guys you despise, but you don't need to be a sucker either. Find that line, stay on this side of it, but don't be afraid to get a little closer to it.

3-While things between you are 'good' it may be time to admit they aren't ever going to get where you want them to get to. You gave the space, you gave the 'time to figure things out'. You've heard all the 'confused' stuff, the 'just need time' stuff and been quite patient and understanding about it all. You've been reeled in, you've been pushed away many times over and taken it all in stride in the belief that eventually she would see the light. Two and a half years is enough. Time for her to shit or git off the pot.

4-"shit or git off the pot' huh? Yup yer in biffy now!

5-I know you won't listen to #3 outright so I will compromise. Give it more time, but set a date and stick to it. Major change,,,,,,,or Major change. Time to quit hearing that 'inner voice' and start listening to it (at least sometimes).

6-That whole 'finally making the leap of faith job changing' thing you went for 5 months ago. GggggggggREAT move! see? sometimes change CAN be good.

7-Re: the clean shaven look you have been contemplating forEVER. I know you haven't been hairless since you were 15 or so, but go for it. You DO know it grows back if you don't like it right?

twenty minutes later...

8-hmmmmm how long will this take to grow back?

9-As for writing, it is time to jump over the hurdle and take the next step. Submit at least a few of those short stories damn you! You will learn that contrary to your belief, rejection actually WON'T kill you.

10-That whole 'three kids, a dog, and a house' thing? Doesn't seem to be in the cards. Who knows why, but there it is. Time to move on to plan B. Retire when you are 50. Now get busy.

gitttttter done!


Monday, February 05, 2007

random blog stuff

Just a few quick notes before I shuffle off to hell work.My recent post titled "Pass the chips" brought about quite a few comments. A lot of them were from women quickly pointing out that men had our share of drama as well. While I agree with that sentiment to a degree, there was a difference which I couldn't quite put my finger on. They are indeed the same, and yet different in some way. Then Christine who works in a predominately male environment, summed it up pretty well with one word. "EGO".

One word to sum up working with a lot of women? drama.

One word to sum up working with or around a lot of men? Egos

Sure there are men that display their share of drama and women who most certainly have egos, but for the most part I think these descriptions are fairly accurate, thanks Christine.

Links, comments:

I have added a few new links to my sidebar of blogs that I tend to enjoy. Check them out if you like and have the time to do so. What? you are at work and don't have time? Well which one is it?

Speaking of links and even comments, I am curious of what people's thoughts on them are in general. One of my favorite bloggers recently had to temporarily suspend comments due to one troll causing trouble. I have had comment moderation turned off for the last month or so and so far so good. .....knock on wood. I have never felt the need to delete a single comment in the year that I have been doing this since I consider a comment, even if it is one that disagrees with me to be a bit of a compliment.

Commenting policy:

Dear Trolls:Feel free to comment here if you like. Feel free to disagree with me as much as you want. Feel free to dish it out(at me) as much as you like as well as long as you are willing to 'take it'. Part of 'being willing to take it' mind you requires you at least grow a pair and not sign in under anonymous before spouting your mindless drivel. What I won't do however, is allow you to attack someone else on my blog. Other than that all comments are(and have been to this point) a go.

Linking policy:

Speaking of links, Everyone seems to have their own ways of handling comments and links and such. If I consider a comment as somewhat of a compliment(even when it isn't), then I would have to say I consider a link to be a very LARGE compliment. As such I tend to add links only to sites that
1)I really enjoy, and/or think people who come here will enjoy as well.
2) That I really DO read on a regular basis.

I see some sites that have a blogroll 4 miles long and often find myself thinking 'there is no way that person reads that many blogs.' If they do I envy them for their amount of free time. This to me is the blog version of someone telling me my hair looks nice today, only to stand and watch them tell the same thing to the guy with the toupee or the 3 hair combover.

I have noticed on some sites and even some blogs a trend that I must say bothers me a bit. It can be best described as 'here you link me and I will link you' exchange. I have to say that I have ZERO interest in doing this. If someone is interested in having me add a link to your blog feel free to drop me a line and ask me to check it out. I am always interested in new reading material. If you would like to link to me, by all means go for it. However, if me linking you back is a prerequisite to you linking to me I am not interested anymore than I am interested in linking someone else and then insisting they return the 'favor'.

As I said, I consider links to be quite a compliment. The link exchange thing to me is akin to saying to someone "I will tell you YOUR butt looks great if you will tell me mine looks great too."

That is not to say that if I haven't added a link to you already that 'I don't really like your blog'. In many cases, 1)I haven't been reading it long enough to know for sure it should be added. 2)Often I HAVE decided to add it, and being the lazy ass procrastinator that I am haven't gotten around to doing so yet. More often than not it is #2.

Bottom line: If you want to link me do, if you don't don't. I have no intention of asking for one and beleive me, having a link from Briliant donkey is NOT going to inflate your readership by more than two anyways. What are YOUR linking,commenting policies? How do you best handle trolls? Am I over reacting to all this or do you feel about the same? I am just curious.


Sunday, February 04, 2007


No no, don't go getting too carried away with the celebration. Briliant donkey, the blog or the person behind it isn't going anywhere. "Goodbye" , is simply this week's prompt for sunday Scribblings. This also happens to be Super bowl Sunday as well and the game will kick off in about 3 hours or so. With these things in mind I have to make a request.

Can we please say goodbye to such things as "The wave". I recall going to USFL games as a teenager. Way back in the 80's this was on the verge of being 'old'. Way back then this was pretty neat, cool, and all that. This is 2007, knock it off already!

Gatorade baths: This has become the normal way of celebrating a big win. As the clock ticks down, players will sneak up on the coach and dump the cooler of gatorade on his head. Once again, back when it started this was awesome. 10 years into doing it, it was still fairly fresh and even enjoyable to see. Now? Now, it is just old. Want to impress me? Pick the coach up and dump HIM into the gatorade cooler, Till then I have seen enough.

Guarantees: When Willie Joe namath did it way back when it was unheard of. It took balls to say it as he did. It took even bigger balls to back it up. Nowadays, not a season goes by where someone doesn't give a 'guarantee to win." More often than not

The media plays it up, going out of their way to make a story out of nothing.

Everyone oooohs and ahhhhs.

Then the player making the guarantee gets his ass kicked and that is that.

Want to impress me? At least change it to "I guarantee we will win or else(enter consequence here). For instance, Payton manning could have said, I guarantee we will win or I will donate all the money I made from commercials this year to charity. Brian Urlacher could have said "I guarantee we will win or I will where a dress on Good morning america." Give the guarantee some teeth or don't even bother.

I mean come on, we let go of bell bottoms, and the rubiks cube.

8 tracks gave way to Records, to cassettes,to cd's. Typewriters gave way to computers. Horses gave way to automobiles.

The time has come to say goodbye to these football traditions and replace or at least update them.

As far as the game goes the Bears are 7 point underdogs. Noone gives the bears a chance to win. Part of me would like to see the colts(or at least Payton) win. He is a helluva QB, even if he played for my most hated rival in college and my biggest pro rival as well. I would hate to see him end up as the next Marino.

All that said I am picking the Colts to win but taking the bears and the points. Those picks however come with NO guarantees! For more Sunday scribblings go here.