Monday, November 27, 2006
This week's prompt for Sunday Scribblings is simply "nemesis". There are countless ways that I could go with this post and I have thought of them over the last few days. Even now as I am typing out the words I am not sure which way I will go myself. So in the spirit of 'just put your fingers on the keyboard and go' ala NaNoWriMo, I guess we shall soon see.
I guess there are plenty of people and things that could be considered a nemesis in my life so here I will just list a few of them in no particular order.
My big toe:
Or as Jerry Seinfeld once described it , "the captain of the toes". How is it that I can walk by the same couch 4 hundred thousand times. When it is day time, no problem. Night time? no problem. Power is out in the middle of the night? No Problemo. Sleepy groggy, 'middle of the night one step shy of sleep walking my way to a midnight bathroom visit?' Noooo problem.
But then something strange happens. Every once in a while, in the middle of the day, wide awake I walk by this couch like I have done so many times before. I KNOW it is there. It has been in the same spot more or less for 6 years or so. Yet every so often some kind of power struggle seems to occur:
Brain: Okay everyone keep right on walking, thats right, left foot, right foot, left foot right foot.
Big toe: "why does HE get to make all the decisions anyways, look at him ordering us around like minions!" grrrrrr he annoys me so much.
Little toes: "you are right! he doesn't appreciate us at all! we should rebel! Take over this outfit!
remind him that WE ARE SOMEBODY!
Brain: "you all in charge? Hah! you are just toes, nothing more so get over yourself!"
Big toe: "okay that does it, everyone listen up, on the count of three, as soon as we get close to
couch, everyone of you toes lean to the left as hard as you can and KICK the shit out
of it for no apparent reason! One,,,,,,,,,,two.........Three!
BD: "Arghhhhhhhhh! Brain?brain? what the HELL was that? How the hell do you stub your toes
on something we have passed by 4 million times! Are you drinking again? And why is it
that never happens when we are wearing shoes hmmmm? @#$@#! that hurts! Get it together you slacker and do your job, or I will find someone else that can!
Meanwhile back in the toes room laughter can be heard. High fives are exchanged, hugs given and all celebrate a moment of unity in sticking it to the brain.
Hey It is either that, or once in a while I am just a clutz I don't know.
Well, safe to say I didn't see THAT post coming at all, but oh well. For more sunday scribblings go here.
tags:Seinfeld,bedtime stories,Sunday Scribblings,Judy Blume,smartass,
Posted by briliantdonkey at 1:04 PM
Thanks to Michael at cardiac fantasies for the link that led me to the following movie quote generator:
"You know how to whistle, don't you, Steve? You just put your briliant donkey together and blow."
seems more than a bit appropriate.
to play with it yourself,,,,,, go here.
Posted by briliantdonkey at 4:58 AM
Monday, November 20, 2006
Just a quick post....
I am looking forward to a good night. Monday night football makes its way to Jacksonville where the Giants come calling to face the Jaguars. It is a pretty much 'must win' game for us following two horrible losses to the damned Texans of all teams!
Daily moment of stupidity:
So there I am walking out of the store, milk in one hand, fumbling to find my keys with the other. I open the car door and out of habit reach down to my pockets.
Feel my wallet,,,,,,,check
cell phone? hmmmmm not in the leftpocket.
not in the right pocket.....
I begin backing up the car out of the parking space and heading home.
Glance over to the passenger seat,,,,,no cell phone.
Console? No cell phone.
Finally my brain pipes in. YO dumbass! you are TALKING on your cell phone!
And people say cell phones are a distraction! pshhhhawwwww
Daily moment of stupidity(part two)
So there I am driving home from the store. Having a conversation on my newly rediscovered cell phone, and I start to laugh. It was a few weeks ago so I don't remember what the conversation was about, only that there was no reason for me to be laughing at that moment.
Her: "what is so funny?"
Me : "nothing, you were saying?"
brain: "whatever you do do NOT admit to what you just did."
Me(in a panic): "then what do I say?"
brain: "tell her you saw some kid fall on his bike, no that would be mean and you are a horrible liar. Just stick to the 'nothing answer'
Me: "so what time do you have to go to work tomorrow?"
Brain: "ohhhhh good one!"
Her: "don't change the subject, what was so funny?"
Brain: "okay I revise my earlier statement to say you are a horrible liar and not so good at the 'subtle subject change' game either.
Me: "ummm nothing, I just did something stupidly funny"
Her: "what did you do?"
Brain: "tell her you ran a red light, tell her you stubbed your toe"
Me: "I was just looking all over my car for my cell phone, and duhhhhh I am talking on it."
Brain: "way to go genius! Now she thinks you are an idiot! Hell EYE think you are an idiot!"
Me: "shut up!"
Me: Did I just tell my brain to shut up? or did I just say that out loud? ughhhh this is getting bad fast.
Me: whew! guess it was just my brain.
Brain: "Thank God!, and YOU shut up! Still though, that was a really bad idea."
Me: "I had no choice! I felt pressured!"
Brain: " you imagine yourself as a war hero able to stand up to interogation if necessary
and you crack under the mighty question of "what?""
Daily moment of stupidity(part 3)
So there I am looking for something to post about.
Me: I am pushed for time, we gotta get to the game, so what the hell I will just tell the cell phone story kay?
Me: "brain? brain you there? I am just going to tell another 3 people the cell phone story."
The cell phone story gets typed and posted.
Brain: "okay I am back from my nap what did I miss?"
Me : "not much, I handled things pretty good while you were gone."
Brain: "hmmmm what is that post titled "rambling" on your blog?"
Brain: Arrrrghhhh!!!! Shit I leave for a ten minute nap and THIS is what you do?
Posted by briliantdonkey at 4:21 PM
Friday, November 17, 2006
I found this meme by Brianne over at Pink sidewalk talk which interested me. The MEME intrests me NOT pink sidewalks. If anyone sees all the testosterone that just rushed out of my body in a panic before I realized what I had typed, please send it back. I may have to go to the bathroom sometime today after all and don't want to have to sit down to do it every time. Anyways, her site is a lot about knitting, so if that interests you by all means check it out.
So on to the memo:
Four jobs I have had:
Four movies I could watch over and over:
1)Godfather I and II (and the ringtone DOES NOT sound gay! Yes I AM talking to you!) NOT
that there is anything wrong with that.
3)Return to lonesome dove
4)The shawshank redemption
Four places I have lived:
Four television shows I love to watch:
1)Seinfeld.......all time greatest show in the history of mankind(as of now)
NOTE: future favorite show:
1)The public torture of the bastards that canceled Seinfeld and Friends. (interested Fox)
Four places I have been on vacation:
4)Smokey mountains in North Carolina
Four of my favorite dishes:(That I can cook)
2)Outback steak house "Alice springs chicken"
3)To die for pot roast
Four favorite dishes(eating out)
1)Carrabas "Sirloin Marsala"
2)Veal/chicken parmesan-from a little mom and pop place down the road
3)Burritos- from LaNapolera
Four websites I visit daily:
1)Barmaid blog(see sidebar)
Four places I would rather be right now:
3)Back in bed
4)On my way to work (since I am running late)
I wonder if "I was running late because I was blogging a memo by brianne" will get me out of trouble?
Posted by briliantdonkey at 10:27 AM
So here I am, wide awake though I fell into bed exhausted just two hours ago vowing to sleep forever.
Memo to: Brian (wait for itttt)
Memo from: Body
RE: emergency status
"get your ass to bed NOW or there will be HELL, do you hear me? PURE HELL to pay for the foreseeable future".
memo from: "Brian"
RE: recent urgent response needed
Your requests have been submitted and approved. Sorry for the delay and we thank you for your understanding and patience in this matter. Full system shut down in 12, 11, 10.......
P.S: Note that is signed "BRAIN" NOT "BRIAN"
PSS: Your requests to take over and run this outfit for a while are hereby DENIED! For reasons behind this decision see exhibit A above.
memo to: Brain
memo from: Body
Why are you just laying here sleeping?
Rise and shine sleepy head!
Early bird gets the worm you know!
It could be a beautiful day! We could be out shopping! We could be up running a marathon or something!
memo from: Brain
Dear early bird,
We are "just lying here sleeping" as you put it because just two hours ago you insisted it HAD to be done. You are right we COULD be shopping, but ummmm we HATE shopping! Besides, all the stores are closed at this hour. Regarding your marathon request, aren't you the one that pulled a hamstring getting up to go to the refrigerator last week? Just a reminder by the way, you know we have to be up soon for a long double shift right? Sure you don't want to get some more sleep?
memo from :Body
Dearest know it all,
Yes you are correct, we do indeed HATE shopping! Sleep Schmmeeeeep! Who needs rest? Rest is wayyyyy overrated! Do I smell coffee? arrrrghhh I am bored and there is NOTHING on tv,,,,,wait is that? woooohooooo INFOMERCIALS! YES! Gotta go!
memo to: body
memo from: brain
Your requests for ordering the set of Ginsu knives is denied. Do you not remember having to replace 3 pairs of sneakers, the mess you had to clean up AND having to buy a new knife?
You just HAD to see if it really COULD cut through shoes and still slice thru tomatoes and coke cans? LoL, I STILL can't BELIEVE you didn't open the coke before cutting through them by the way.
memo to: Brain
memo from: Body
Dear hold a grudge,
Geeeeesh let it go already! Cut open six lousy coke cans without opening them first and you NEVER live it down! Besides it was GINSU! Okay okay, no ginsus this time(ginsi? ginsues?ginsis? figure THAT one out smart guy!) How about that magic car paint then huh? huh? It is $4.99 and covers your entire car in a brilliant shine! Mustang Sally will LOVE that, and I have always wanted to change her from silver to Red, this is a dream come true! Where did I leave the credit card?
PS: please answer quickly, If i call in the next ten minutes I only have to pay THREE easy payments instead of four!
memo to: Body
memo from: Brain
Sorry for the delay in answering. Well no I am not, cause ordering that 4.99 car paint job is the very definition of stupidity! When are you going to learn that this stuff you see on these infomercials is nothing more than a ripof..........
wait! Is that the flowbee deluxe hair cutting slash vacuum cleaner attachment system? Credit card is in the top left cabinet in the kitchen!
dial damn you dial!
memo from: body
Yes! I did it! I ordered them. That is right "them"! Can you beleive it? I got 12 of them. We can sell them for 3 times the cost and make a bundle! We shall be rich! I am so excited! In fact, the excitement has worn me out so much I can barely keep our eyes open. We need to go back to bed now, in fact RIGHT now or we will be miserable all day.
memo to: body
Way to go! That was very quick thinking on your part ordering 12 of them! Maybe you CAN run this outfit after all. On another note, ummmmm WHAT??? "go to sleep you say",,,,,"wake up you say"......"I could run a marathon" you say..........and back to "go to sleep"......
It is too damned late to go to sleep you moroon!
By the way, changing your mind 7 times in an 8 hour period is NOT what people mean when they say 'getting in touch with your femine side!"
your pissed off Brain!
memo from: Body
Dear Smarty pants,
You didn't happen to mean "moron" by chance did you? If you are going to call someone a moron you should probably take time to at least spell the word "moron" correctly,,,,,I am just saying is all....Or are you trying to say I am deep dark reddish in color?
tags:Seinfeld,insomnia,Sunday Scribblings,ginsu knives,smartass,
tags:waiter,infomercials,make me laugh,humor
Posted by briliantdonkey at 5:59 AM
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
It is a fairly uneventful Saturday evening. The Gators are playing a game not too far away which as usual, causes us to be fairly slow. After making my way to the six or seven tables that are there, checking on how everything is going, and talking to our guests for a bit, I head back to the office to do a little bit of paper work.
When I return, I see a party of six has arrived and is seated at table 7. Glancing out the window, I spot their waitress outside taking a smoke break so I go ahead and get
Their drink order for them. When Beth returns soon afterwards and takes the drinks from me to deliver I say hello to table 6 which has recently arrived as well. Table six is a mother, father, their son, and a toddler sitting on the end in a high chair.
“How you doing little man? What is your name?” I ask handing them a coloring book and some crayons.
“Brian and I am 4 years old”, comes the response as he proudly holds up five fingers.
“Hi Brian, I am BD, can I be four years old too?”
He vigorously shakes his head no in a ‘don’t be silly’ fashion.
“Okayyyy” I say in disappointment “who is this over here?”
“That’s Tiffany(pronounced Tiffknee), she is my sister” he tells me.
I look over to Tiffany, offer my best exaggerated ‘baby wave’ which is greeted with nothing more than a blank stare.
Beth is pretty much finished getting all of their orders so I stand up, tell them to enjoy their dinner, and let us know if we can help them with anything. Before leaving, I send one more wave Tiffany’s way who despite not taking her eyes off of me in 5 minutes still does not respond at all.
I put my thumb to my nose, extend my hand and wiggle my fingers back and forth at her. Brian thinks this is hilarious, but baby sister continues to stare at me like I am an alien from another planet.
I am reminded of a game show around the early 80’s(I think) called “Make me laugh”. In it contestants were confronted by comedians telling jokes, making gestures, and doing anything they could to try and force the contestant to laugh. The longer they managed to avoid doing so, the more money they could win.
As I am walking away I look over at Tiffany, send her a “you ARE going to laugh” look which is returned instantly with an unmistakable “oh I can laugh, you just are NOT that funny” look.
I continue to make my rounds to all our tables as it starts to pick up a bit. When time permits, I even take a moment to stick my tongue out at Tiffknee.
Once again, she is utterly unimpressed.
I attempt a little game of Peekaboo……
Usually this results in laughter…..
Occasionally though, it results in the total opposite affect and the ‘what is the weird guy doing” look turns into an all out “Mom the boogey man is after me! Scream of terror.”
With Tiffknee, I get bubkus.
Not a giggle,
Not a snort,
Certainly Not a laugh, and thankfully at least, not a scream.
Nothing but that “I am so bored and making lots of cash by not showing a reaction’ look I remember from that old game show.
A tough nut to crack this Tiffany.
I give up for now and head back to the kitchen to run some food out to tables.
Wendy is in the service station when I come out and fixing up some drinks for her new table.
“That girl thinks you are weird”, she says.
I have heard this phrase a time or 4000 in my life so I don’t dispute it, The only question is WHICH girl?
“who?” I ask
“that little girl you are playing with, somebody is losing their touch” she teases with a laugh, heading back out on the floor.
As I grab table 4’s food and start to head out I am met by Judy.
“Table 9, has a problem, can you go speak to them while I get that for you?”
“Sure.” I say setting the food down and heading over to 9. Table Nine’s country fried steak is over cooked, and after apologizing I take the plate back to the kitchen to be re cooked. Easy enough.
By now, the place is pretty much packed. I am running around like a chicken with my head cut off, along with the entire wait staff. I am busy cashing people out, bussing tables, seating people , to the point that Tiffknee is all but forgotten.
When the bell rings in the kitchen I head back to see what food needs to be run. There is the re-cook. I look it over to make sure that everything is correct this time.
Country fried steak smothered in white gravy,…..check
And throw another extra monkey dish(small bowl) of gravy on the side for good measure. As I head out of the kitchen, I see Tiffany’s dad at the register with her on his hip waiting to pay up and check out.
“ I will be right with you” I say all but running to the other side of the restaurant with table nine’s food.
I am almost there when the chain reaction starts and that “oh shit/adrenaline rush/ things seem to be happening in slow motion” thing starts.
The Country fried steak shifts about 4 inches on the plate.
This pushes the monkey dishes of Green beans and Mashed potatoes toward the edge of the plate.
I have time to note that the place has gotten loud. I hear talk about the Gator game and how they almost lost.
I hear a women yelling at her husband for leaving the pool gate unlocked.
I sense my brain send a message to my hand there is time to straighten the plate up and avoid a big mess if I hurry.
I have time to see the green beans and Mashed potatoes teeter on the edge of the plate and seem to start sliding back to safety.
I have time to think I am going to make it, when ever so slowly the gravy dish goes past the point of no return.
I have time to see it tumbling thru the air and hear the loud “smack” as the hard plastic comes into contact with the floor and bounces, spinning back into the air.
I feel my eyes widen to the extreme and I have time to think(or maybe I actually DID scream) “noooooooooo” in that slow motion like voice you always hear in movies.
Speaking of movies, I am reminded of a movie I once saw. I have NO idea what it was called but it was your classic ‘shoot em up, one good guy defeats 473,000 enemies by himself” movie.
Rambo? Who knows.
Anyways, I remember a scene in this movie where the good guy has a couple of Uzi sub machine guns and he is surrounded by the bad guys waiting for him at the bottom of some stairs. I remember somehow he drops these machine guns which bounce down the stairs, tumbling wildly, causing to bullets to just so happen to hit every single bad guy in the movie, but miss him entirely. I remember being pissed at the time because that scene was just SO blatantly unrealistic that it ruined it for me.
To the makers of that movie I hereby apologize. After seeing one monkey dish of gravy bounce off the floor and fly in 480,000 different directions hitting seemingly EVERYONE within 100 feet of me I can no longer say that movie was as unrealistic as I thought.
The monkey dish eventually stops spinning. I am looking around stunned, to see how many people I have just covered in gravy. I see countless surprised faces looking back at me. I wonder how many dry cleaning bills we will be picking up for this one. Wondering if it is actually possible to literally die from embarrassment, or if digging a hole right there in that spot really WILL lead me to China. The main thing I notice is the noise, or lack there of. The place which only moments ago had been BUZZING with activity is now eerily silent. In fact, I think I just heard a pin drop.
The seemingly endless silence is finally broken by a loud pitched squeal. I turn to locate the source of this sound and there it is. There is Tiffany, perched on her dad’s hip, pointing over to me and laughing hysterically.
Well, at least it is good to know, “I haven’t lost my touch after all.
tags:waiter,baby sitting,make me laugh,humor
Posted by briliantdonkey at 12:44 AM
Saturday, November 11, 2006
interviewer: BD, what happened to you taking part in the whole NaBLOpomo thingy?Aren't you supposed to be doing one post a day for all of November?
BD: ummmm,,,,,errrrrr,,,,,,ahem,,,,,,,,I never committed to doing that.
interviewer: hmmmm,,,,really? i seem to remember you saying so a few short posts ago!
BD: ummm errrr,,,,,welll.......I don't RECALL(thank you Ronald Reagan) doing that.
interviewer: what happened? what has changed?
BD: I was caught up in the moment I guess.
Interviewer: the moment?
BD: yes the moment, it is november after all.
Interviewer: what does November have to do with anything?
BD: You know,,,,November, time for political ads and such, time for making promises and then failing to back them up,,,,I blame them! They rubbed off on me to the point EYE started doing the same thing.
Interviewer: aha!!! so you admit that you DID say it?
BD: Do you have me saying it on tape?
Interviewer: ummmm no, I don't think so.
BD: Then I never said anything of the sort.
Interviewer: Oh, wait here it is in a post dated October 31 titled "where did you come from".
BD: hmmmm so you DO have it on tape then?
BD: errrrr,,,,ummmmmm,,,,,,I was misquoted!
interviewer: by yourself?
BD: errrr,,,,ummmm,,,,,,,Bill Clinton had sex with his intern!
Posted by briliantdonkey at 12:14 AM
Monday, November 06, 2006
So I have been in the new place for almost two months. Working in "hellsee"(aka hell C) is really no different other than now instead of being a waiter or bartender I have gone over to the dark side. Being a manager doesn't necessarily present an entirely different perspective. It DOES however offer a different view of the same perspective at least. In the past at other jobs, I had been offered a management position on a number of different occasions. One of the main reasons I turned those offers down (besides the pay cut), is that I generally enjoyed waiting/bartending more often than not. Mostly though, in my mind managers were/are for all intents and purposes nothing more than ‘baby sitters’. Two months or so into it,I have to say my original feeling was not too far off.
Mind you, baby sitting can be fun. Baby sitting can be great. I love kids so make no mistake I have nothing whatsoever against the idea of baby sitting. What I DO have a problem with is the idea of baby sitting fully grown adults which is what restaurant management boils down to. Some examples:
Things you are not surprised to hear as a babysitter/parent:
‘I don’t want to go to school because the dog ate my homework’
Things you are not surprised to hear as a manager:
‘I didn’t come to work yesterday because I lost my schedule.”
As a parent:
“I can’t go to school today because I have a cold.”
As a manager:
“I can’t come to work today because I have the ‘Corona flu.’
As a parent:
“Mom, I will be home late all this week because I got detention.”
As a manager:
“Good news, I am over the corona flu. Bad news, I slept it off in
A jail cell after getting a DUI,,,,oh by the way I won’t be in for
A few days.”
“Billy didn’t clean his room like you told him to do”
“Wendy didn’t do her side work like you told her to do”
As a parent:
Trying to make a 6 year old understand why he can’t wear
His underwear on the outside of his pants to school his
As a manager:
Trying to make some servers understand why they can’t wear
Nose rings, dog collars, and a tattoo that says ‘Fu*k you’
Is equally pointless.
As a parent:
You tell your son or daughter to ‘quit throwing their clothes on
The floor’ 7 million times.
As a manager:
You tell servers to quit wiping food from dirty tables on the
Floor 7 million times.
As a parent:
You sit patiently teaching your child to put the star shaped plastic
Piece into the star shaped hole on the red and blue octagonal shaped
Preschool toy you bought them.
As a manager:
You stand by patiently and tell servers to stack the 10 inch plates on
Top of the OTHER 10 inch plates in the dish pit.
As a parent:
You watch as your child tries stubbornly to fit the star shaped piece
Into the round shaped hole.
As a manager:
You watch as servers continue to stubbornly stack 10 inch plates on top of
The 4 inch ones.
As a parent:
You celebrate and take pride when you see them figure out the star really
DOES go into the star shaped hole.
As a manager:
You order more dishes to replace the 12 plates that finally toppled over
And crashed to the floor from being stacked on top of a four inch one.
In fairness, I must say that I don’t have any children so most of the child references were to me. Mom really WAS proud of me for getting that star shaped thing down, even if it was only last week that I did so.
See? Managing/ Babysitting
Not all that different.
Until next time, take care
Posted by briliantdonkey at 5:12 AM
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Ding ding ding! We have a winner! Both LaLa and Roadchick were able to correctly identify the "Fluxcapacitor" reference in a previous post.
"Johnny tell them what they have won!"
"Well BD, they get the chance to choose between what is behind door # 1 or door #2, door # 2 you say?
Awwww! door # 2 is empty! However, you DO win the adoration of 3 readers everywhere who are all quite impressed with your knowledge of movies, quotes, and general trivia! "
"whats that? "
"what was behind door number one? Why , lots and lots of expensive, life changing prizes of course!"
"oh? you would like to see?"
ummm ahem.........well...... That will do it for todays show, I am sorry but we are all out of time!
until next time Please remember to have your pets spayed or neutered."
(enter music here) .......roll credits.......
"commercial consideration brought to you by 'just for men hair coloring', viagra, and wow who comes up with these sponsors anyways? Are you guys trying to tell me something?"
Posted by briliantdonkey at 12:07 PM
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
So I am about 2 hours into day one of NanoWriMo and already needing a break. As such I started browsing a couple of my favorite blogs, and the whole NaBLOpoMO idea that I first read about over on Alyndabear's site keeps bouncing around in my brain. I have all but decided to particpate in this as well, though very UNofficially. To try both Nano and Nablo is either
B)A sure way to fail at both
C)A sure way to at least succeed at one of the two
D) some combination of the above.
Seeing people like Alyndabear, and fringes in it make me want to do it even more so what the hell count me in, though I make no guarantees about the quality of said posts. Then again, I never did that anyways.
With that in mind:
Michael over at Cardiac Fantasies explained how he came up with his blog's name which I found interesting since I am always wondering where people got their names from. Also, that is one of the questions I get a fair amount of the time as well. With that in mind here is a meme or challenge, or writing prompt, or whatever you want to call it.
Part 1)Explain where or how you came up with the name for your blog. You can go into as much or as little detail as you like it is totally one hundred percent up to you.
Part 2) If you see a blog that you like or plan to explore on the list, BEFORE you go to read the explanation, try to guess it yourself and see how close you are.
If you choose to participate leave me a permalink in the comments and I will add a link to your site on this post for others to click on. One word of warning, be prepared to see a drastic increase in traffic to your site as my site is read on a regular basis by no less than three people!!!!
Okay as for the boring details of mine: I have posted a little about this before but in case you missed it I will again and hopefully a bit deeper this time.
A) I grew up in a rather large family with 4 older brothers and 2 older sisters(plus one younger).
You know the old saying 'shit rolls down hill?"
Since I was # 7 out of 8(not counting step siblings) I got my share of shit. To say the least I was picked on my share, but I didn't take it poorly. I learned from it, embraced it, and took notes. I trained for hours upon hours in hopes of one day being able to snatch the "smartass" pebble from the hand of my older brothers and move out in the world on my own.
Very rarely does a day go by that someone who knows me does not call me a smartass. I don't claim to be good at a lot of things, writing or blogging? enhhh! I have seen worse but I have seen much much better! drawing? .....I can't draw stick figures without ending up with an extra limb or two. In fact, every stick figure I have ever drawn has grown up THOROUGHLY confused about whether it was in fact a male or female.
Dancing? ......please! I have all the rhythm of a bobble head.......okay okay!!! Dear Bobble heads put down the knives and step awayyyyyy from the computer.... ,,,,one day with lots of practice I HOPE to have all the rhythm of a bobble head! better? Hopefully that stops at least SOME of the hatemail from the bobble heads and keeps the bobble heads from suing me for slander.
Fixing stuff?........You know how some people can walk into a nuclear power plant which is on the verge of an imminent meltdown? Even though they have never been there before, after a five second inspection they can proclaim in complete confidence "well duhhhhh your fluxcapacitor(bonus points for anyone who can name the movie that word is from) is obviously broken". This mechanical gene allows them to fix their own cars, replace the roofs on their houses, stop toilets from leaking and even save the world from disaster.
You know those people? Yeah,,,,,THATS not me either. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with a malfunctioning straw if you gave me 17 days to do it and 3 perfectly functioning straws to compare it to.
Are we getting the picture here? There are LOTS of things that I am NOT good at, and that is being kind.
However, being a smartass, is NOT one of them. Therefore when it came time to name my blog the choice was pretty obvious. "Smartass" Only two problems witht that idea: 1) While I never bothered to check for sure I was fairly certain that name would be taken already. More importantly 2)I didn't think I could get away with "smartass" without violating some sort of TOS agreement so I was left with a choice. Read through the 43 page T.O.S. agreement to be sure or disguise it a little bit. For those of us who talk in single syllables that was an easy choice.
Besides, Smartass was too obvious, and didn't fit in enough with my dull, dry , corny, never afraid to reach for a joke, sense of humor at all. Therefore,"smart" became "brilliant" and "ass" became "donkey". They say "if you have to splain your jokes, they probably are not as funny as you thought they were." BriliantDonkey is an example of this I guess.
Last comes the misspelling: When I first started exploring this thing called the internet I was in some chat room or another. As tends to happen one idiot came in on a regular basis looking to start trouble. To accomplish this he would pick out the name of someone in the room and say for example
"BD is stoopid " and then move on to the next person and the next. Always the same "Jenn is stoopid" "BL4332 is stoopid" .......sometimes he would even include an expletive or three and so on it went. Finally having enough of this and unable to stand the irony any longer, I said something along the lines of :
"wise man say one who calls people stoopid over and over should take care to at least spell 'stupid' correctly, to do otherwise only proves that stoopid is as stupid does."
Whether a)his computer chose that moment to quit working, B) he realized his error(and was actually smart enough to get the irony) or C) BL4332 was a serial killer/computer genius who tracked him down at that moment and got rid of him, I do not know. I only know he quit showing up in that chat room. Changing from brilliant donkey" to "Briliantdonkey' is just my own way of reminding myself that I am anything but brilliant, to not take myself too seriously, and keep the lesson learned from 'stoopid' in mind. So there you have it. The story of where Briliantdonkey came from for what it is worth.
If you read this and are interested consider yourself tagged. Post the explanation on your blog and send me a permalink to it in comments if you would like me to add you to the list. 2:51 am, time to get another 500 words or so done and then hit the sack. Nite all. BD To check out more "where did you come from" stories please click through to the following links: 1-Alyndabear
Posted by briliantdonkey at 1:46 AM