pass the chips.

This week's prompt for Sunday Scribblings is "Fantasy". As most(of the three of you) know, I work in the restaurant business. This pretty much means that for the most part I am surrounded by women. Seems like a good thing you would think and sometimes it is. It is every man's fantasy you would think and at times I had thought so to. As the old saying goes, "women, you can't live with em, can't live without em."

This 'fantasy' comes with a price however which I can sum up pretty well in one word.....

DRAMA!

OMG, the amount of drama that comes up around the work place is quite unbeleivable. On any given day at least one of them is just flat out bitchy. On any given day at least one of them is just super duper sensitive and ready to cry at the drop of a hat. As "BD's law" would have it, the bitchy one of the day(B.O.D) and the sensitive one of the day(S.O.D) will ALWAYS cross paths as often as possible.

Murphy ain't got chit on me......

More often than not there are two or three (B.O.Ds) and two or three (S.O.Ds). I can almost see them when I arrive dividing themselves into teams like some estrogen laced inner city survivor episode.

They have this amazing ability to take the smallest thing and turn it into a huge production.


It starts with someone forgetting to butter the toast.

It starts with someone putting a fork in the slot where the spoons are supposed to go.

It would be okay if it just ended there, but oh no!!!! Three weeks later the fork offender will ask the fork offendee to hand them a spoon and it all starts all over again.

"well if you would put the damned forks where they are supposed to go I could do that!"

Before you know it CNN, Fox news, and CBS vans are sprinkled along the parking lot to cover the latest riots in town.

Before you know it they are showing a picture of waitress "a" being led away in handcuffs. She turns back towards the camera and shouts,

"Well clearly she did that on purpose JUST to get on my nerves and piss me off,,,,,,,,she should have been fired and I wouldn't have had to try and throw a stick of butter at her!"

The reporter would then ask "but ma'am, witnesses say that you stabbed her 18 times in the neck. What do you have to say about these accusations?"

"I was reaching for a spoon, to fling the butter at her you know, and there it was, a fork where the spoon should have been! I just snapped. Serves her right! It's called Karma baby!"

I have more patience than most people. Hell I have a LOT more patience than most people. I can let things go in one ear and out of the other with the very best of them. Occasionally though I have enough. This is where my imagination usually takes over.

I envision Tattoo from that old show fantasy island standing in front of me. There is no plane coming to get me but he still does "da plain da plan" and points to the sky because let's face it, a 40 year old 'short person' doing this will never NOT be funny.

Suddenly I find myself in my office. To the naked eye my 'office' would be better described as a closet. A VERY small closet in fact. It doesn't have any windows.

It doesn't have a view, unless the stacks of paperwork and the wires poking out of the back of the printer constitute 'a view'. To the naked eye my office has a door. A simple door with a lock on it.

To me however, that door is like a force field. To me that lock is a trigger I can push to activate the E.D.S(Estrogen defense system). Any amount of mindless bitchery or whinery causes the E.d.S to immediately shoot out a transportation ray where the offender is whisked away to another world, forced to wear ugly shoes, watch ESPN, and where the toilet seats DON'T go down.

Maxwell smart used to have his "cone of silence". I have my 'cone of testosterone'.

Thankfully, I only need to retreat to my fantasy land occasionally and usually for only 10 minutes or so. Ahhhhh but it is a GREAT 10 minutes!

And people wonder why I spend all day Sunday vegged out in front of the television or in a sports bar watching football.

Hrrrmph!!!!!

Women! Can't live with em...........................Pass the chips.


For more Sunday Scribblings please click here.


BD