Monday, August 14, 2006

What can I still become

What can I still become

Hello, everybody, this is brilliant donkey yet again. I told you the story last week of Eric Evans and his being visited in a dream by Jeremiah. To tell the truth, that dream and that story affected me more than I would have imagined, but more on that later. This week’s prompt in Sunday Scribblings is kind of a continuation of last week’s. It is “Who else can I still be?” For me that answer is simple. However, that question doesn’t quite do the job of what I want it to. If you are here again, I will take that as a sign that you don’t think that I have totally lost it. If you are here again, I will choose to ignore the possibility that you simply clicked on the wrong link again. Like I said, that story affected me a good bit and made me decide to make some changes. Changes for the better I can only hope. In case you missed it, and you would like to take a look yourself and hear this story it can be found a few posts back or by clicking here (

To me, this prompt doesn’t quite do the job after hearing this story. Therefore, I am going to slightly modify it to say “what WILL I still become?” I was quite scared after that story, though it took me a while to admit it. I worried about all the things I myself hadn’t believed. I worried about all the things that I had blown off and the consequences of such. This was really depressing at first until I decided to start doing something about it. Some of the changes I have made are as follows:

I quit smoking immediately and constantly checked to see if I had grown any or worse yet if I was shrinking. I began being more careful about where I walked, and called in to check on my mother everyday to make sure she was okay. I even stopped drinking, though that didn’t last. Since I only have three hairs on my chest any ways I figured I could use that one to my advantage. Don’t ask me how much time I have spent in the mirror checking for new ones, trust me you don’t want to know. Needless to say it was a bit of a trying time for me. And then it dawned on me. If all these bad so called ‘myths’ were actually possible then couldn’t it also be true that the good ones were as well?

Struck by this revelation, I immediately began doing a lot of research. I emptied out my inbox, scoured my memory, and went on determined to look at the glass as half full. So, “what can I still become?” No, the question is now more like what WILL I become? And my answers are as follows.

I WILL be rich! I will be rich beyond my wildest dreams though it won’t happen over night. Until then though, Bill Gates is going to send me $45,000 dollars for each of the ten people I forward his email to. 45,000 times 724 and counting, YOU do the math.

I worried for a moment that I would be hungry from spending all that time at the computer but that turns out not to be a problem. After all, the M &M Company and the fine folks at Ben and Jerry’s WILL be sending me all I can handle for doing the same email thing.

I worried for a moment, that all this food would make me fat. However, I know now that won’t happen. As I was driving home the other day I saw a sign “lose 45 pounds in 3 days” and get this, it is GUARANTEED! So bring on the fat, I now know how to handle it!

Also, I will never have to worry about shopping for clothes again. Nike and Neiman Marcus after all will be glad to send me free shoes and clothes.

I spent the day walking around and looking for pennies. I ended up finding 7 of them and six were on heads! It was however kind of hard to pick them up being as my fingers were all crossed but hey a little perseverance paid off. How much good luck can one person expect?

I quit my job and decided you know what? I DO want to make $4500 a week on my own time just by stuffing envelopes!

I WILL get in shape and be stronger than ever before, yeah yeah, keep all the “well that don’t take much” comments to your self.

I will have buns of steel because I just ordered the tape.

I will have six pack abs and in just 9 seconds a day!

My fortune cookie told me what lottery numbers to play and so I did!

I will make me bigger, stronger, faster, smarter and richer than before. The six million dollar man ain’t gonna have SHIT on me!

They say “size doesn’t matter”, but why take the chance when the add in the paper guarantees an extra 3 inches?

Does all of this make me sound greedy? Oh no! Don’t worry; I have forwarded each of these emails to each and every one of you. I have shared your phone numbers and addresses with them as well so that YOU too can reap the benefits!

You can thank me later.




paris parfait said...

Very clever post - and you can still be and do whatever you want, without anyone else's "help." Onwards and upwards!

Pacian said...

Who would have thought that mere credulity could be this funny?


Kim G. said...

Wow - all of that and generous to boot! Thanks for sharin'!

Seriously - it's a fine line between reality and delusion when we think about what could be. That is the real question I think. What is really possible for me to do? The trick it to aim right and not give up too soon. Still, buns of steel sound nice . . .

normiekins said...

great post!!!!.....ah, you'll need an assistant to fan you with palm leaves so you never sweat!

Michelle said...

Oh Lordy, this was good. I have a Nigerian friend I'd like to introduce to you.

Writing Blind said...

You, my good man, are a genius.

Roadchick said...

Donkey, dahlin'
You are always thinking of others!
The 'chick is always much amused at receiving the "add 3 inches" emails and wonders what she is meant to add them to. (Her collection, apparently . . . ) But at least those additional 3 inches will give her a use for all the black market Viagra...or, actually VIaESR&*GRA, that's been offered via email.

Kay said...

LOVE it! One thing - did you help that guy from Zimbabwe claim his money? I hear he's looking for some help. ;)

Flood said...

I coulda sworn I had responded to this earlier.

This is a great entry. Your humour shows a very intelligent mind.

Thanks for the laugh.

christine said...

lol you lived up to your name (brilliant donkey) yet again! :) Isn't the power of marketing amazing?

fringes said...

Funny post, BD. I can't wait until Saturday!

briliantdonkey said...

Paris: thanks, always onwards always upwards.

Kim: agreed quite the thin line indeed!

Normie: that sounded like you were volunteering.....

Michelle: is that the one that just sold me my very own bridge? The briliantdonkey expressway....briliantdonkey skyway,,,,briliantdonkey crossover,,,,hmmmmm have to think some more on that one.

Rebecca,Flood,christine,pacian: THanks, and welcome back. Funny? who is being funny I am being ahem ser......ahem seriou.........sear.....seri(bullshit cough cough) serious!

Fringes: thanks, hope I have time to get one done though it isn't looking good right now.

chick: I know what you mean, I get the ones asking if I want bigger boobs. wow and my boss already thinks I dont get enough work done.


Roadchick said...

It does make you wonder...why do the men get the bigger boobs ones and why do the women get the ones to add 3"??? Well...maybe it's like getting the Wish Book at Christmastime - and circling all the cool toys that you HOPE you're going to get someday, if you're really, really good.

~wicked grin~