Friday, August 25, 2006

Even BD can do it

I woke up early this morning and even managed to only push the snooze alarm 11 times instead of the normal 26. Why? Because, thanks to a certain sneaky dog that can type I have had Pot roast on my mind lately. One of my favorite recipes is called ‘to die for pot roast’. I believe it was first posted by Mrs Mo over at In actuality, it should be called something more like ‘even Rob can do it pot roast’. So anyways my day went something like this.

6 am-wake up early.

6:07- wake up again….

6:14- third time is the charm ‘they’ say….

6:21-do my part to prove ‘they’ aren’t as smart as they think they are……

6:28-finally drag my butt out of bed.

6:29-beg, and attempt to bribe kash to go to work for me.

6:30- let kash out, telling her if SHE doesn’t stop laughing I won’t let HER back in.

6:31-leave the door cracked so she can let herself back in.

6:32-7:15 am-took care of the three S’s. Sh*t, shower, Shave.

7:17- stand in front of the mirror, flex and pose, to show off my awesome physique, since
We ALL know EVERY guy on the internet is 6-2 and 240 lbs of pure muscle.

7:18- tell Kash It is not too late to put her back outside if she doesn’t stop laughing again.

NOTE: to those of you that know me, A) get off the floor and stop laughing and B)If I don't look 6-2 or 240 lbs of pure muscle to you maybe you are not squinting your eyes enough. C don’t think I can’t put you outside with HER!

7:19- gather together all ingredients needed which are as follows.

-several small or 4 fairly large potatoes (note: you can use po-TAHT-oes if you prefer)
NOTE 2) attention Dan Quayle, you may use just one ‘potatoe’ if you insist but I don’t
Recommend it.

-1 large onion peeled and diced or sliced
***-five or six cloves of garlic (or be lazy like me and use jarred crushed garlic)
-Two celery stalks cut into slices or inch long pieces (more if you really like celery)
-1pkg of mushrooms sliced or whole (up to you)
-3 to 5 good size carrots (or again be lazy like me and buy a pkg of baby carrots already peeled And chopped)

-1packet of Italian dressing (dry mix)
-1packet of hidden valley ranch dressing (dry mix)
-1packet of brown gravy (dry mix)
- 1 average size roast

****The garlic part is not in the original recipe. That is something I added because I could eat garlic on ice cream. Perhaps that splains my singleness to a degree.

7:20-7:28- prepare everything as follows:

Cut up several potatoes, a pack of mushrooms, carrots, onion, and celery. Place in the bottom of the crock pot. Take one medium sized Pot roast and slice several holes all around it, and insert a clove (or teaspoon) of Garlic in each of them. Brown the pot roast in a pan on the stove for a minute or two on each side. Place the pot roast in the bottom of the crock pot. Combine one packet of Italian seasoning, one packet of brown gravy, and one packet of hidden valley ranch dressing. Sprinkle over the top of the pot roast and veggies. Add 1 ½ to 2 cups of water. Put cover on the crock pot, set on high and cook for about 6 to 7 hours or 8 to 9 on low.

Ta da! That’s it….you are done! The best thing about the crock pot is one simple little thing that I can personally attest to. You almost CAN NOT burn something in it without literally trying to. In fact, I consistently do this on days where I am doomed to both Hellay and hellbee. When I get home 15 hours later everything is still just fine. You just have to put everything in it and then forget it. The only bad thing about it is it IS slow. However, that can work out well. You can do as I did, put it in before work leave for a long period of time, and come home to dinner that is ready. If you DO happen to stay home while it is cooking I have one very definite suggestion. Leave the lid on the whole time that it is cooking. Avoid the temptation to remove the lid and try it out or check on it. This adds a LOT of time to the cooking process. In fact, I would say the most important rule about cooking with the crock pot is to LEAVE the lid on till you are almost positive it is done! The day continues…..

9am-arrive at Hellay.

9:15- find out that two other openers have called in sick. No problem, I’m having pot roast. Some of the big wigs are coming in, causing the managers to freak out and go into full ‘dog and pony show’ mode…….No problem,,,,,, I am having pot roast.

10:45- Get really busy……no problem I am having pot roast.

12pm- watch as one of the other servers sees we are out of spoons in the front, goes to the back, and comes back with the two she needs. Didn’t bring out a whole handful while you were back there as common sense would suggest? No problem, I am having pot roast.

1pm- Old lady at table 503 insists her hamburger is over cooked. It is not, but no problem……..I am having pot roast.

2pm- Clock out and head to hellbee.

3-12pm- Hellbee is really slow. I am talking library night slow. I make about 40 bucks. No problem, I am having pot roast

12:30- Arrive home, open the door and spidey sense tells me something is wrong.

12:31- Distracted by Kash who is quite happy to see me I forget about it and play with her for a while.

12:36-Kash says okay enough is enough and gives me the ‘you have been gone for 15 hours or so and I have to go NOW’ look. Follows it up with a leg crossing ‘I gotta pee really bad’ look you tend to see from three year olds.

12:37-Spend a few moments teasing her at the back door and give her the ‘see you aren’t the only one that can laugh’ look. She returns with the ‘I will poop in your bedroom’ look ending my fun immediately.

“Even that would be okay” I say. “I am having pot roast.”

“we, WE are having pot roast. She corrects me as she flies out of the back door.

12:38- Head back to my room get undressed and start to finally unwind. That spidey feeling hits me again. I ignore it again. I am having pot roast.

12:54-Remember me saying earlier (7:20-7:28am) QUOTE In fact, I would say the most important rule about cooking with the crock pot is to LEAVE the lid on till you are almost positive it is done! UNQUOTE.

Apropos of nothing whatsoever, as I sit here on my couch eating two $1 double cheeseburgers from Mickey Dees I must amend that. That is perhaps the SECOND most important advice I could give you regarding cooking with a crock pot. The first, would HAVE to be,,,,,,,PLUG THE DAMNED THING IN!!

Okay so maybe 'even BD can do it' isn't such a great name after all. For this recipe and more you can visit the copycat recipe site which has a link over there in my side bar.



Writing Blind said...

Oh sweetie, you poor thing. You men are so stupidly adorable.

By the way, my new mantra is:

"I am having pot roast."

I feel very zen now. And hungry.

briliantdonkey said...

lol ,,,,

no no, don't hold back on MY account. Tell me what you are realllly thinking! mmmmmmmm McDonalds fries.....'I'm lovin it'


Writing Blind said...

Okay, okay, how about I make you a pot roast? I can actually knock out a pretty decent one and I know how to use the crock pot.

Lorrie said...

HAHA I'm glad I'm not the only one who could do that. Makes me feel a little better!

I hope you'll try it again but next time with more (plug it in) success.

briliantdonkey said...

Lorrie: thanks, I am sure I will. I have made it dozens of times and never had a bit of a problem till now. I guess for now on I will be driving allllll the way back home to make sure I turned the iron off AND to make sure I turned the crockpot ON.

errrrrr ummmm ahemmm......

on 2nd thought, after reading Rebecca's last comment ,,,,,,no I can never cook another one again as this experience has scarred me for life.
If screwing up cooking is going to result in people offering to cook for me, hell Ive got LOTS of stories to tell! If necessary I will make some up.I am incapable of boiling water even. Thinking of all kinds of possible upcoming posts.....for example:

1)Doing dishes goes horribly wrong......

2)"red sock, white shirts" adventures in the laundry room

3)"suds"- the story of how the sweetest dog in the world goes cujo when I tried to give her a bath.


Michelle said...

Thank you for reminding me that I need to get the roast going this morning. I swear, if it hadn't been for your post, I would have remembered around three in the afternoon, when it would have been too late. Story of my life. I also cheat on the carrots and garlic. I also buy the celery partially prepared as well.

Writing Blind said...

Every time I come here, I'm afraid I'm going to swallow my own tongue from laughing so hard.

I draw the line at doing the dishes. I don't even like to do my own. But the offer on the pot roast still stands if you're ever up this way. :)

christine said...

Oh god, that's too funny. So did you finally have your pot roast? Or did the ingredients spoil?

briliantdonkey said...

michelle: YW always glad to help.

Rebecca: tis okay, if I wait long enough they will do themselves. I am convinced of it

christine: C, all the above. I DID have pot roast,a couple of days later, but started all the way over with the ingredients.