becoming your parents

What have YOU become?

They say that people tend to become their parents. I don’t know who this ‘they’ is that seems to think they know everything about everything but whoever the hell you are ,,,, Write a friggin book already! I used to always question the wisdom of this saying but the older I get the more that I see it is true. I see bits and pieces of my parents in me all the time. At least I can honestly say that I have yet to break out the “this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you” line though. Of course, I don’t have kids yet so it is a good thing that I haven’t I suppose. Otherwise people would be looking at me kind of funny……..again.

Otherwise people would be breaking out the fancy white jacket with the buckles in the back. ………again.

There are a number of things I do do (just when I THOUGHT I might be growing up I can’t avoid entering a beavis and butthead laugh here) that when I was a kid I would have sworn up and down would never EVER happen. My step dad had the worst, most corny, odd, dry sense of humor there ever was….. Until now at least. I think I may have surpassed him by this point. One of his biggest things he would do was to answer a multiple choice question with “yes”. For example: My mom would ask, “do you want to eat out or in tonight?” Answer, “yes”. Example: “Is it hot in here or is it just me?” Answer, “yes.” He used to think he was the most clever person in the world when he did this. Meanwhile, I myself thought in a way that only a teenager can “what a dork!” My eyes would roll so far back in my head they looked like the dials on a slot machine. That was then, and apparently this is now, because I catch myself doing this ALL the time and as much as I try to fight it, I think it is hilarious.

Another thing I remember quite well was part of the morning ritual. Rarely did a day go by that I wouldn’t wake up and have my body tell me "it is time”. Remember the old Dunkin doughnuts commercial where the baker crawls out of bed and mutters 'it's time to make the doughnuts?" I was a very different version of that guy. Same mussed up hair, same half sleep walk,,,,,,,,different doughnuts.

Almost without fail ‘the time’ would come only to find out that he had once again made it to the bathroom in front of me. I would spend the next twenty minutes doing the leg sqeezing, the agonizing, the funky dancing, and trying to set the clock back an hour in my body to put off ‘the time’ till later. I can't tell you just how thankful I was growing up for the ability to pee standing up and at least partially satisfy 'the time'. There is an eighty year old oak tree in the back yard that should be thankful as well because me, my stepdad and 'the time' are directly responsible for at least half of it's growth. Anyways, eventually out he would stroll, with a newspaper, book, or whatever in tow. OHHHH how that drove me just flat out bonkers! What kind of MORON reads in the bathroom anyways? You only have to peruse my bathroom these days to see, I have more reading material than most doctor’s offices. Oh and much MUCH more up to date reading material by the way. Attention all you Docs out there…….If the magazines in your waiting room are older than most of your patients, it might,,,,,,just MIGHT be time to RENEW THE SUBSCRIPTION! If the magazines in your waiting room are reporting the recent developments of say,,,,,,man landing on the moon, the upcoming invention of the telephone, or the original copy of the Declaration of Independence,,,,,it might,,,,,MIGHT just be time to get some NEW material! ,,,,,,,but I digress,,,,,,,,anyways, as I was saying,,,,,,,ahem “3 term president of the moron club right here!” that’s me.

Not that all things he and my mother passed on to me were bad by any stretch of the imagination. Making me do things over and over until I made the effort to do them RIGHT has certainly rubbed off on me. Now I DESPISE doing anything more than once. Therefore, if I am going to bother doing it, I take the time to do it right or at least try.

My mom had/has the patience of a Saint. Raising 8 of her own, along with my 4 step brothers and sisters hell she must have. She would take us kids ‘pushing her buttons’ forever and a day. However, when we dared to push them for forever a day and one second…….look out cause all hell was going to break loose. Nothing wrong with that at all. Even Mount St. Helens explodes once in a while. Especially after countless hours of “will you stop touching me and Mom tell Jack to stop picking on me!" I like to think I am the same way.


What kind of things that you SWORE you would never do, do(not gonna do it ,,,,not gonna do it,,,,,but I am not going to reword it either) you find yourself doing now on a regular basis? Does it irk you to catch yourself doing it or make you laugh? For me the answer is C, all the above. It both irks the heck out of me and yet makes me laugh at myself at the same time.

Okay it is 3 am........Not to say that I am tired but the little word verification comment thingy? It doesn't look crooked so that can not be a good thing. I so have to get to bed, before 'the time' wakes me up in the morning. Night all

Briliantdonkey

tags:Seinfeld,parents,bartender,waiter,bathroom,
tags:smartass,waitress,brilliant,humor