Thursday, August 23, 2007

joke of the day

When girls don't put out!!This was written by a guy... it's pretty damn smart.Girls -- Please have a sense of humor!This is really funny!!

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.FOR EXAMPLE:One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.lol

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.

13 comments:

alyndabear said...

Ha.. I suppose this is true for SOME women. But tempting with jewelery would be plain dangerous.

Love the new blog design, btw. It just needs my blog link updated, yes yes? :)

Turnbaby said...

LOLOL

I DO find that funny. I can't abide people who 'use' sex as a method of trying to gain 'control' in a relationship.

Of course I'd take the DH to Lowe's every weekend if I thought it would guarantee I'd get some ;-)

briliantdonkey said...

Alynda: Thanks for the heads up. All fixed now.

Turnbaby: me too

psssst Turn's DH.....dude she said lowe's!

Susan said...

This made me laugh so hard I nearly cried. As if she'd forgive him after one day...

NoRegrets said...

Pretty damn funny. Of course, that's why you establish joint credit cards early in the relationship.

Tink said...

Cute. But not nearly as funny as the "Whistling Dixie" joke. Have you heard that one? Really really sick and twisted.

Tera said...

How brave you are to run the risk of not being alive to blog about this chain events after they occurred!!!

That shit was funny though...LMFAO!!!

Bernita said...

They deserve each other.

christine said...

Oh. my. god. I haven't read anything funnier than this in a while! LMBO!! I wish I could have seen the look on her face.

Anonymous said...

ya know, it actually is funny..minus the last sentence..that just ruins it

Anonymous said...

this is sooo funny, but I agree, the last sentence doesn't need to be there and it prevents me from recommending it.

Anonymous said...

Uh...I found this exact joke on another web page except by a different author. Of course, the one I saw was funnier for it didn't have the rude comment in the end. So, I don't know if this is the TRUE author of this or if the other one was the original....*shrug*

Anonymous said...

lol wow gotta say this is hilarious and i am a woman, it's so funny cause it's true lol and forget all the people who complain about the last sentence, this is also true. lol