Anatomy of a Restaurant part II

Anatomy of a Restaurant part II

It is 230 am and I am wide awake. I made the common mistake (for me at least) of falling asleep at about 6 pm and now will surely be up all damn night. Making things worse, the power went out about an hour ago even though there isn’t the slightest sign of bad weather to be seen and it is hotter than hell. Oh well sorry for the whining, I guess I will pass the time by writing a blog entry and hope to get it done before my battery runs out and I am left with nothing else to do. Considering where this blog topic is going that little rant maybe Karma’s way of telling me that I am one of the people I am about to talk about. Anyways,,,,,This is just a continuation of an earlier post. Let’s face it I could do 20 pages on this stuff and still not cover it all, but what the hell I will try. Anyways, here are some more.


Bitchers: As the name implies these are the people who never EVER stop bitching about one thing or the other. You can try and try but no matter what you do you simply can NOT make them happy. I mean literally, if you walked up to them and gave them a million dollars I promise you within twenty minutes they would bitch about the taxes they were going to have to pay on it. It is too hot, too cold, too busy, too slow, I only have old people sitting in my section tonight….

Damnit why do I get stuck with all the saltine crunching kids?.........

Memo to all the bitchers out there. Take a minute to think for a second and look around you. You know that feeling when you lodge a legitimate complaint,,,,,lets just say the cooks really DID just intentionally put a fly in your table’s soup. You know that feeling that your manager doesn’t care? That is not true. Of COURSE your manager cares and wants to know that the cooks are deliberately putting flies in your table’s soup. The problem is they DON’T hear you. Let us take a moment to list a few of your complaints on any typical day or week and see what your what your manager is really thinking. Come with me if you will…..

Complaint 1:Manager, I keep getting sat with only old people in my section.

Answer: Everyone gets their share of old people tables. Newsflash: if you got to
Pick the tables you waited on EVERYONE would pick the rich ones!

Complaint 2: Manager, This damn vacuum is a piece of crap, how come we can’t get any decent equipment to work with around here?

Answer: hmmm that’s a tough one, could that have anything to do with the Rib bones you ran over repeatedly yesterday instead of bending down to pick them up??? A little common sense goes a long way you know.

Complaint 3: Oh,Manager? why do we have 8 people on the floor in the middle of a slow shift? I am broke and need to make some damn money!
Answer: Because, we thought it was going to be a busier day. Sorry, the the batteries in the crystal ball are low.


Complaint 4: Manager, why do we only have 3 people on the floor and now we are freaking slammed!
Answer: weren’t you the one that was bitching about too many people just yesterday? Oh,I mean, Sorry again, this damn crystal ball sucks! I will see if I can order a new one. Better yet, tomorrow I will call madam cleo before I come to work!

Complaint 5: Manager, I am soooooo broke I hope I get to make some money today!
Answer: we should be pretty busy I would think, and that comes from Madame Cleo herself!!
Manager, I need to get out of here early if possible though okay???
Answer: So you need to make money, but you don’t want to work for it? May I suggest a nice cardboard ‘will work for food sign’ and the corner of 3rd and 17th?

Complaint 6: oh manager, why do I always get stuck with the two year olds ? They always end up spilling saltines all over the damn place!
Answer: yes , yes they do that is true, but they aren’t old people!

And on and on and on……

So, if you feel like your manager is ignoring you when you make a legitimate complaint, take a moment to think. Every restaurant has at least one(usually more) bitchers on the staff.

If you are not sure who the bitcher is , there is a chance that it might be you.

If you are telling them that the cooks are putting flies in your table’s soup and they don’t seem to be interested, there is a chance that it might be you.

If both of these seem to be the case, congratulations it IS you. Stop bitching so damned much about anything and everything and they might, MIGHT just stop tuning you out completely. I won’t but perhaps they will.

Remember how your parents used to always say something along the lines of ‘when you grow up and get married I hope you have 6 kids just like you you little shit? If there really IS any such thing as Karma in this world, bitchers will wind up being managers someday. When that happens, THEY will be listening to the complaints of servers, bartenders, and cooks that are JUST like they used to be.

Well this post got fairly long just covering bitchers all by themselves, so I will go ahead and post it and work on some more later. Hope you enjoy.

Briliant Donkey



tags:drunks,redneck,bartender,waiter,jackass,
tags:Red sox,waitress,restaurant,humor