Anatomy of a Restaurant part II

Anatomy of a Restaurant part II

It is 230 am and I am wide awake. I made the common mistake (for me at least) of falling asleep at about 6 pm and now will surely be up all damn night. Making things worse, the power went out about an hour ago even though there isn’t the slightest sign of bad weather to be seen and it is hotter than hell. Oh well sorry for the whining, I guess I will pass the time by writing a blog entry and hope to get it done before my battery runs out and I am left with nothing else to do. Considering where this blog topic is going that little rant maybe Karma’s way of telling me that I am one of the people I am about to talk about. Anyways,,,,,This is just a continuation of an earlier post. Let’s face it I could do 20 pages on this stuff and still not cover it all, but what the hell I will try. Anyways, here are some more.


Bitchers: As the name implies these are the people who never EVER stop bitching about one thing or the other. You can try and try but no matter what you do you simply can NOT make them happy. I mean literally, if you walked up to them and gave them a million dollars I promise you within twenty minutes they would bitch about the taxes they were going to have to pay on it. It is too hot, too cold, too busy, too slow, I only have old people sitting in my section tonight….

Damnit why do I get stuck with all the saltine crunching kids?.........

Memo to all the bitchers out there. Take a minute to think for a second and look around you. You know that feeling when you lodge a legitimate complaint,,,,,lets just say the cooks really DID just intentionally put a fly in your table’s soup. You know that feeling that your manager doesn’t care? That is not true. Of COURSE your manager cares and wants to know that the cooks are deliberately putting flies in your table’s soup. The problem is they DON’T hear you. Let us take a moment to list a few of your complaints on any typical day or week and see what your what your manager is really thinking. Come with me if you will…..

Complaint 1:Manager, I keep getting sat with only old people in my section.

Answer: Everyone gets their share of old people tables. Newsflash: if you got to
Pick the tables you waited on EVERYONE would pick the rich ones!

Complaint 2: Manager, This damn vacuum is a piece of crap, how come we can’t get any decent equipment to work with around here?

Answer: hmmm that’s a tough one, could that have anything to do with the Rib bones you ran over repeatedly yesterday instead of bending down to pick them up??? A little common sense goes a long way you know.

Complaint 3: Oh,Manager? why do we have 8 people on the floor in the middle of a slow shift? I am broke and need to make some damn money!
Answer: Because, we thought it was going to be a busier day. Sorry, the the batteries in the crystal ball are low.


Complaint 4: Manager, why do we only have 3 people on the floor and now we are freaking slammed!
Answer: weren’t you the one that was bitching about too many people just yesterday? Oh,I mean, Sorry again, this damn crystal ball sucks! I will see if I can order a new one. Better yet, tomorrow I will call madam cleo before I come to work!

Complaint 5: Manager, I am soooooo broke I hope I get to make some money today!
Answer: we should be pretty busy I would think, and that comes from Madame Cleo herself!!
Manager, I need to get out of here early if possible though okay???
Answer: So you need to make money, but you don’t want to work for it? May I suggest a nice cardboard ‘will work for food sign’ and the corner of 3rd and 17th?

Complaint 6: oh manager, why do I always get stuck with the two year olds ? They always end up spilling saltines all over the damn place!
Answer: yes , yes they do that is true, but they aren’t old people!

And on and on and on……

So, if you feel like your manager is ignoring you when you make a legitimate complaint, take a moment to think. Every restaurant has at least one(usually more) bitchers on the staff.

If you are not sure who the bitcher is , there is a chance that it might be you.

If you are telling them that the cooks are putting flies in your table’s soup and they don’t seem to be interested, there is a chance that it might be you.

If both of these seem to be the case, congratulations it IS you. Stop bitching so damned much about anything and everything and they might, MIGHT just stop tuning you out completely. I won’t but perhaps they will.

Remember how your parents used to always say something along the lines of ‘when you grow up and get married I hope you have 6 kids just like you you little shit? If there really IS any such thing as Karma in this world, bitchers will wind up being managers someday. When that happens, THEY will be listening to the complaints of servers, bartenders, and cooks that are JUST like they used to be.

Well this post got fairly long just covering bitchers all by themselves, so I will go ahead and post it and work on some more later. Hope you enjoy.

Briliant Donkey



tags:drunks,redneck,bartender,waiter,jackass,
tags:Red sox,waitress,restaurant,humor

First sports related post

First sports related post

So I have had this blog going for a few months now and something has just occurred to me. I don’t think that I have once mentioned a single thing sports related, certainly at least not a whole post. I guess today is going to be my very first one. Add to that that my first sports post is going to be about ahemmmm SOCCER of all things, and I would suggest somebody, anybody, call the pope. Tell him to take the next few days, weeks, months off. Why you ask? Because, for either of these two things to be true is VERY unlikely. For BOTH to be true though, that is a clear and undeniable sign that OBVIOUSLY hell has indeed FROZEN over!

I found myself here today actually watching the final of the world cup being played between France and Italy. Prior to this year’s world cup I had not watched 20 minutes of soccer in my entire 37 year old life. I have watched a good bit of it this year though and while I don’t think I will ever ‘get’ the infatuation the rest of the world sees for this game I guess I can appreciate it a bit more if nothing else.

First, let me preface this post by saying the following. You can take everything that I know about ahemmmm soccer.,,,,,,what’s that? Football you say???? Bahhhh humbug!
I hereby take this opportunity to use my ‘stuck up American thinks everything should be done America's way card’ for the first and hopefully last time. I refuse to refer to it as “FOOTBALL”. I know, I know, all they use in this game is feet so it should be football….

I know,,,, in our game we kick it, throw it, catch it, and everything else so it isn’t ‘football’….

Blah blah blah! If you think you are going to confuse the issue by bringing up facts, and making good points fuhhhhgeddddaboud it!

It is soccer! Lol

Anyways, as I was saying, let me preface this post by freely admitting to NOT being an expert on soccer, quite the contrary in fact. I have been to numerous, baseball, football, basketball games in my life and always chuckle at the lady two seats behind us leaning over to ask her husband something along the lines of “which color jerseys are we rooting for?’ In the interest of full disclosure and admitting my ignorance, I will say I AM soccer’s version of that lady. In the interest of full disclosure and further admittance to my ignorance I will say

EVERYTHING I know about soccer

Can be written in crayon on the inside of a matchbook…..

By a 3 year old first learning how to write…….

Six times…..

And still have plenty of room left over to draw a picture.

Ask me to name 5 soccer players, and even now after watching quite a bit of this world cup I couldn’t do it. Lets see, Ronaldino, Pele, Landon Donovan, Alexi lalas, and Zinedine Zidane. Well I guess I did get five but that’s it, that is all I can come up with.
Even as a soccer moron I have heard of this guy Zinedine Zidane(grossly misspelled before looking it up and coming here to edit). I have heard all about him this year and how he is retiring at the end of this world cup. From what I can gather he is among the elite of all time soccer players in history. I don’t know if that is true or not, but just the fact that I HAVE heard of him and he is NOT American (like lalas, and Donovan above) tells me that it most likely is true.

So here I am watching the match. Here is Zidane and his team in the middle of the finals, quite possibly on the verge of overtime. Here is this legendary player that even I have heard of. He is the captain of his team, on the verge of retirement. Here he is with a chance to go out on top and cement his legacy by bringing his team the world cup title. What does he do? He blatantly head buts another player in the chest, with little or no provocation whatsoever and gets kicked out of the game. Maybe the guy said something to him to provoke him, but even if he said 'your mamma wears combat boots' it doesn't excuse getting kicked out of the game.

Perhaps I am over stating things a bit because I don’t know a lot about soccer. However, the fact that I have heard of him alone tells me this guy is of the stature of Michael Jordan, Babe Ruth, Walter Payton, or Dale Earnhardt.

Remember Michael Jordan? You remember him leading his team to the championship by sinking countless game winning shots in the closing seconds? Imagine him being remembered instead for a moment of stupidity where he throws the ball at a competitor and gets kicked out of the last game. His team goes on to lose the championship without him. Congratulations Zidane that is what you accomplished today.

Remember Dale Earnhardt, blocking the way for his son or teammate to win the Daytona 500? Remember him ultimately crashing and dying as a result? Now imagine instead, him in that same race losing his cool and intentionally crashing into someone ending both of their races. Neither his son nor teammate ends up winning the race. Congratulations Zidane, THAT is what you have accomplished today.

Remember Walter Payton after years of struggling to lead the bears to the NFL title finally succeeding in doing so? Remember him going on to break the all time rushing record? Remember him fighting liver disease (I think that is what it was) and eventually dying from this? Imagine instead, Walter Payton, getting drunk the night before the super bowl and his team losing as a result of him not being there. Congratulations Zidane, THAT is what you accomplished today.

Remember Babe Ruth? Arguably even today considered the greatest baseball player to ever live? Remember him being traded from the Red sox to the Yankees? I know all of us Red sox fans do. Remember him going on to lead the hated Yankees to countless pennants, and World Series titles? Imagine, instead him punching a wall during a game, breaking his hand and having miss the rest of the season if not career. Congratulations Zidane THAT is what you accomplished today.

A chance to be a hero,
A legend,
To be remembered for all time for something great. Not just there in France, but world wide.

To be remembered along the likes of Jordan, Earnhardt,Ruth......

Instead you were in the locker room while your team was in a shoot out...

Instead you will be remembered along with the likes of Stanley wilson, Bill Buckner, and Mitch williams.

Instead you are the goat and will be forever remembered as such.

Not even worth the 2 minutes it would take me to go back and correctly change all my misspellings of “Zadane” to ‘Zidane”

I will do it anyways, but only because i am far to anal to do otherwise.

Congratulations Zidane THAT is what you accomplished or didn't accomplish today.


tags:world cup,bartender,zidine,soccer

dealing with jackasses

I was all ready to continue on the anatomy of a restaurant theme today and even got it off to a good start. However, while taking a break and checking out the latest post over at waiter rant,(see sidebar links) I stumbled across another blog , via the comments section. It is called “barmaidblog” and can be found at http://barmaidblog.livejournal.com/. Remember my rant on the dumb rednecks of the other day?Well it is good(or bad) to see that it isn’t limited to just rednecks or limited here to the state of Florida either. I guess it is true what they say. Misery DOES indeed love company. Thanks for the good read barmaid, I shall return.

Anyways, her post there entitled “how NOT to pick up a barmaid part II” reminded me a lot of something that happened several years ago so I decided to write about that tonight instead.

It was a pretty busy evening and I am working the bar that night with another bartender named Christie. Now, Christie is quite attractive and gets more than her share of attention from bar patrons. It is not uncommon at all for me to go to serve someone and have them comment any where from “I would rather have her serve me” to “no offense but she is a LOT better looking than you are.” followed by a laugh.

As a bartender this doesn’t bother me in the least. Wanna wait another 1-10 minutes for your drink till she gets a chance to get over here, by all means go for it.

As a man, again, it doesn’t bother me at all. She IS attractive, I ‘get it’, fair enough. Believe me, I would rather wait on attractive women than a man any day of the week, so no harm no foul. In fact, if bothering me is your goal, tell HER that I am much better looking than she is. Mission accomplished, NOW I am bothered and staying on the other end of the bar.

The only part that DOES bother me and even this is minimally, is the clear look on their faces that shows they think they are the very first ones to come up with this brilliant witty comment. This is sooooooo NOT the case.

In fact, the bar guy with the platform shoes, silk shirt, and bell bottom pants…..you know the one I am talking about? You know, the John Travolta, Saturday night fever wanna be?

The one that walks up to the nearest good looking woman and breaks out his patented “hey baby what’s your sign” pickup line? You know the one I am talking about now?

Well I just heard him tell miss Capricorn over there “quote , THAT dude needs to get some new material!!! UNQUOTE.

So anyways, that is how this encounter started. I go over to Christie ,inform her that the gentleman would rather she wait on him, and move on to the next 20 people waiting for drinks. The guy in question sticks around for most of the night. Eventually, things begin to slow down to the point of only a few regulars, and a few tables. He has tried everything apparently and Christie has refused politely over and over but the guy just won’t take a hint. Still, no harm no foul, even Christie is just dealing with it and understands being hit on is part of the bartending game especially for women. At some point though things began to change and I could see that ‘the line’ was on the verge of being crossed. Once the nice approach didn’t work he started to become a pain in the ass and even managed to make her uncomfortable. He wasn’t drunk so cutting him off was not yet an option. Therefore, I told her to just stay away from him and let me wait on him the rest of the night. This usually works, as even the thickest headed of people get the hint eventually.

The strategy didn't work very well with him. Now the invitations to join him back in his room were no longer discreet but getting yelled louder and louder across the bar. I tried to distract him with conversations of football, basketball etc but to no avail. I tried to tell him nicely to chill out with no luck. I even tried to tell him he was making an ass of himself and doing so was not going to help his already meager chances…..no dice. At one point he even told me to mind my own business. I went out to the front desk ,borrowed a blank room key card to a DNR(do not rent) room, and pulled Christie back to the server alley for a minute. “Did you call security?” Thomas, one of our regulars, asks me as we returned to the bar. “nah not yet, I can handle him, just be prepared to play along if I need yall.” Supplies in hand, I wait a little while, make another absolute and tonic and bring it over to set in front of him.

“Here you go sir, Absolute and tonic, no lime.”

"I told you i want HER to wait on me"

"Yes sir I know, but until you can start behaving again, you are stuck with me."

“I didn’t order another drink yet” he exclaims, “I am not paying for it either.”

“No problem sir, actually this drink was bought for you, I am just the messenger.”

The hope returns to his eyes, immediately he looks over at Christie. She is looking our way to see what I do and of course dumbass here totally misinterprets that. Hell the cartoon like thought bubble over his head is so clear the whole bar can see Christie dancing around naked in it as he thinks YES, my charm finally worked. I think he may have even winked in her direction.

“See mah boy?” he says, puffing out his chest, “persistence pays off. Sometimes they just like to play hard to get. And you said I had no chance with her.”

Ahhh perfect, Build him up,,,,,,,and now time to tear him down……

I plaster a confused look on my face and say “excuse me?,,,,,,Oh NO! I’m sorry this drink is not from Christie it is from someone else.”

“Who?”

I waive him closer as if ready to tell him the world’s biggest secret.

“They said not to tell you yet”

HOOK.....

He is now looking around the bar clearly trying to see who It may have been.

“don’t bother, they left a bit ago.”

“left?”

“Yes sir, but they tipped me quite well to buy you a drink after about 10 minutes, they also gave me this” waving a folded up beverage napkin just out of his reach.

“well let me have it.”

“Not yet, they left strict instructions” holding up a piece of paper, “not to give it to you for at least 30 minutes.”

LINE.....

“come on, they will never know”

“like I said, they tipped me quite well, sorry”

“30 minutes? How long ago was that?”

“probably about 20 I DID take the liberty of ordering you a cab I will give it to you when it gets here.”

“a cab? What the hell do I need a cab for? I am not going anywhere forget that!”

“you sure?” I ask, revealing the tip of the room key card out from the edge of the bevnap…

“is that a key? A room key?”

“yes sir,” I say holding it over the trash can, “but since you don’t want it,,,,,”

SINKER!!!!

“WAIT!” he almost screams and motions me over. Suddenly my crime of not having boobs is forgiven and i am his best friend.

“who was it?” he whispers, “what did she look like?”

“ I am not sure sir, it was left on the bar over there with the tip, so It must have been one of that group that was over there.”

I then go ahead and hand him the bevnap, watch as he opens it and reads in Christie’s writing

“Crazy horse bar, 10:30, Lady in red”

He looks up at me, “I don’t remember a lady in red”

“me either" i shrug, "but she is probably going to go back to her room and change, 30 minutes sounds like plenty of time to do that.”

“can you tell what room it is?”

“yes sir, I could if I had to, but even if i wanted to i couldn't tell you what room it is. Security reasons.”

“well how the hell am I supposed to find the room?”

“ummm” I say as if explaining to a dense 4 year old, “ I am pretty sure the idea is for you to go meet her there and then she will tell you?”

“Yeah,,,that does make sense,,,Where is this Crazy horse bar? How is it?”

“oh it is this huge place, actually 3 bars in one, should be rather packed tonight I would think.” Looking over at Thomas (the regular), I ask “Thomas, Crazy horse should be packed tonight right?” he looks over to me and for a moment I think oh shit, he is going to blow it….but then responds “oh yeah always packed on a Thursday night, ladies night I think.”

He calls me over yet again….and is rattling off questions like crazy. I am not sure if his hormones are on overload, or if he is nervous at having to back up all his talk.

“how do I know it is her?"
" What if she is a fat ugly chick?”
"red? does that mean shirt, shoes, purse what?"

“calm down" i say " there is only one way to find out, besides you are suave enough to handle it i am sure." shaking my head i continue, "I guess you were right, sometimes they DO like to play hard to get after all.”

“just look for the red i guess, and make sure sees the room key, you'll be alright. Besides, obviously she will know you.”

About this time his cab shows up, and off he goes. I have no idea how long he may have stayed at Crazyhorse that night browsing the crowd in search of the figment of my imagination. I do know that in my mind’s eye

I can see him passing by countless women wearing red.

I can see him darting his eyebrows in his coolest ‘hey baby’ gesture.

I can see him making sure they see his hotel key card.

I can see countless women recoiling in shock at his forwardness,,,,a hotel key hrrrrmpph!!! What a pig!

I can see his bar tab at the end of the night being $200 as he has drinks sent to every woman wearing red in all three of those bars.

I can even see a couple of those women’s boyfriends beating his ass for it.

And I can see “hey baby what’s your sign” guy having more success than him on that night.

So, if you happened to be wearing red in the Crazyhorse on that night so long ago, I here by offer my apologies to you. I am not sorry I did it, it needed to be done, but I am sorry I got you unwittingly involved. Wow , this post got long even for me, so I will shut up and get it posted. Hope you enjoy, and as always comments good and bad always welcome.


tags:drunks,redneck,bartender,waiter,jackass,
tags:Red sox,waitress,restaurant,humor

Sparklers and such

Sparklers and such

Today is the 4th of July. As such it is obviously a big day in American History. A day that makes me think

Of hot dogs

Of apple pie

Of bottle rockets and sparklers

Of trips to the beach with family and friends

And of Sacrifices made by those before me which allow me all these things and more…..

I am reminded of these sparklers, and the way they light up the world all around them and seem like they will last forever.

I am reminded of a group of soldiers and sailors that has visited our hotel for the last several years for a reunion and can not help to think of how their numbers have slowly dwindled. They are a part of what many people consider “the greatest Generation” and sadly just as those sparklers didn’t last forever, neither do they.


However, while the sparklers may go out, and these people pass, the impact of what they have done and the memories of both live on and are passed on from one generation to the next.

Pearl Harbor……

Iwo Jima…..

The beaches at Normandy….

The Philippines…..

Vietnam……

Afghanistan

Iraq…….

Just to name a few…..

Countless Americans have fought and given the ultimate sacrifice so that I can sit here and bitch about my job, Houdini’s, or the slow old lady in the checkout line who just HAS to pay with exact change.

So today as you grill burgers on the grill, watch your children play football, and enjoy the fireworks display your city is putting on, Take a moment.

Take a moment to look skyward and be thankful for what you have. Be thankful for the sacrifices those people have made to give it to you.

I won’t ask you to be thankful for the job you hate, but DO be thankful for having the right to hate it and leave it anytime you choose.

I won’t ask you to be thankful for the current President or policies you may disagree with, but DO be thankful for the right you have to disagree with them.

In short, just take a second to appreciate what you have and what it took to get it for you,,,,Just a second.

Two of my favorite books on this sort of thing are “The Greatest generation” by Tom Brokaw and “Flags of our fathers” by James Bradley. Both of them are fantastic reads so check them out if you like.

Sex and the City

Television effects

So I am working at hellbee the other day. It is a fairly busy night but not overly crowded by any stretch of the imagination. A couple of ladies walk up to the bar and pull up chairs next to the few people who are already sitting there. They aren't beauty queens by any means, but they certainly aren't ugly either. I begin setting odds in my head on how long it will take the two morons on the other side of the bar to chase them away.

“how you doing tonight’’ I ask, sliding a couple of beverage napkins in front of them.

“good, but it has been a long day and I need a drink” Lady A says to which lady B agrees.

“well, you have come to the right place then, what can I get you?”

“ I will have a cosmopolitan” lady a says, and Lady B orders a glass of wine.

I head back to the service bar, make their drinks and return to set them in front of them. Lady A, who I shall refer to as Barbara, unbeknownst to her has just become a subject of my very informal study……

If you have ever watched the show “sex in the city” you know that cosmopolitans are rather popular on that show. As a bartender, I noticed long ago that sales of cosmopolitans or cosmos as many call them seemed to take an upward turn. In fact, before that show I am not sure that I had EVER made a single one. Thinking this must have been a mistake, I started actually paying attention to it since then. Anyways,,,,,I give them their space, back off and let them get settled in while checking on my other customers. A little bit later I see that their drinks are getting close to empty and head their way.

“care for another round ladies?”

They look at each other for permission(customers ALWAYS do this though I don’t know why) and agree to have another round.

Delivering their drinks again, I already know the answer, but need confirmation….

“Here you go ladies,” Setting Barbara’s Cosmo in front of her I ask.

“you watch that show sex in the city by chance?”

“Oh YES!” Barbara exclaims, “I LOVE that show!” Like I said I already knew.

Patting myself on the back in my mind I answer “thought so” and ask the next question…

“just out of curiosity, did you drink those before you saw the show?”

“No, actually I never tried one till then.”

Ding ding ding ding!!!! We have another winner!



Since paying attention to this and always asking these two questions I have noticed the following. Probably 98% of the people that order them happen to be viewers of Sex in the City. At least 80% of them when asked, say that they had never tried one before seeing the show. I sure hope Carrie,Miranda,Charlotte and Samantha get some sort of royalties from the Absolute vodka company.

On a little side note:
If i had a dime for everytime a woman has ordered a "sex on the beach" and had that followed by some drunk redneck on the side of the bar saying (and the look on his face shows he really DOES think he is the VERY first in the world to come up with such wit),,,,,,"ahhhh'lll give ya sex on the beach alraghhht", i would be a very rich man.

memo to redneck sitting on the side of the bar on any given night.

A)You are 52 ,

B)balding,(yes in spite of that attempted combover of your last 32 hairs you ARE still balding),

C)In spite of you proudly tapping your gut and pointing out with pride your philosophy of "the hell with the six pack i own the whole keg" that is NOT a good thing.

D) do us all a favor,,,,come here, i will tell you where the strip club is(you are GOING to ask anyways i can see it a mile away)and you can go mess with them since they are not allowed to run away shivering.

yes you,,,,come here,,,,,,lean in a bit closer........."SHUT THE HELL UP YOU ARE MAKING ALL YOUR FELLOW MEN LOOK BAD!"

with that in mind and as they pay their tab and leave i cant help saying a little prayer.

Dear God,

we have more than enough idiots in the world. With that in mind PLEASE dont let the next popular show feature women drinking "Screaming orgasms" cause Joe Redneck will surely go crazy.

amen

Who says Television only effects kids?

The votes are in

The votes are in

If you were following the Clarity of night writing contest that I spoke of a few posts ago the results are in. Much like most of the greyhounds I pick when I go to the track I didn’t win, place, or show. I DID however, in their honor stop just before the race to take a pee so I am sure a lot of people bet on me. Don’t feel too sorry for me though because I don’t. Just being able to submit my entry was a pretty big step for me.

Two of the three winners in the reader’s choice award were my top two picks to win it so I have no arguments whatsoever. However, being from Florida, I DO feel a responsibility to, no make that I feel REQUIRED to ask for a recount!!!! Jason,,,,be sure to watch out for those hanging chads. There were numerous very good entries, and like I said before if you haven’t already checked them out I definitely recommend it. You may want to leave the lights on before you read some of them though. The link if you are interested is http://www.clarityofnight.blogspot.com/. Thanks again for hosting the contest Jason, it was awesome.

defending the doughnut munchers

Doughnut munchers

I am sitting at the bar the other night and had a visit from a few semi regulars. One of the ladies in the group had apparently gotten a ticket on her way to work that morning and safe to say she was not happy about it at all.

Understandable, right? NOone likes getting a ticket. I went about doing my job and trying to get the night over with. However, she just refused to shut up about it and kept going on and on and on, till before long her tirade had pretty much deteriorated to the point of putting cops down for one reason or another. As I am delivering her next round of drinks she said

“so BD, what do you think?”

Placing her drink in front of her I smile and respond, “ I plead the fifth on the grounds that it may incriminate me” and try to laugh it off.

“seriously, what do you think?”

“you don’t really want to know what I think, you won’t like the answer.”

She persists, to the point that I finally say,

“Okay” waving bye bye to my tip and not really caring “honestly, I think you are wrong but that is just my opinion.”

She looks to her friends with a “can you believe this guy?” expression on her face and turns back to me.

“which part, which part is it you disagree with?”

“like I said, you don’t really want to know.”

“yes I do, I really want to know.”

I think it over for a few seconds, weighing how politically correct I want to be, weighing whether I want to get into what, if she takes offense could easily turn into a flat out argument. After all, I am at work and arguments with guests are always frowned upon. Then again, I like arguing, errrrrrrrrrrr debating when I feel I am right and we have had a few serious arguments errrrrrr discussions before so ‘Screw it’ I think and leap right in.

“okay” I finally stammer, hoping she is willing to ‘agree to disagree’ if it comes to that.

“all of it!”

(enter shocked looks here) I can see it on her face , the faces of her friends and even feel it on my own as well….

“so, you think cops SHOULD be able to use their vehicles when they are off duty?” she asks dumbfounded.

“absolutely!”

“bu,,,,but but why?”

“why not?” I ask.

“duh(yes she actually said duhhhhh and I am momentarily dragged nostalgically back to high school ) we shouldn’t have to pay for that!”

“and by ‘WE’ you mean tax payers I presume?”

“yes, we shouldn’t have to pay for the gas and such while they are off duty!”

“okay” I ask, “what is the very first thing you do the second you see a cop car?”

Continuing without awaiting a reply, I say “you slow down,”

“ you put your seat belt on”

“you make sure you are using your blinkers”

“you put away your cell phone and in general drive more safely. So even if they ARE off duty, in some small way just the fact the car is out there and visible helps ,,,,THAT is why they are allowed, and THAT is why I have no problem with it.”


I think for a second, and continue,

“Plus,,,,the benefits far out weigh the costs, think about it and imagine two identical streets in two imaginary neighborhoods,,,,,one of them has two police cars parked on it and the other doesn’t…..which street do think is more likely to have a burglary, coke dealers, prostitutes and such?” “hell I wish like hell I had a cop car parked in the driveway of the houses on each side of me.”

I can see that she sees the point but isn’t giving up yet.

“still we shouldn’t have to pay for their gas while they go about shopping and such.”

“if they were taking long trips to california on vacation I would be the first to agree with you, but locally(which if I am not mistaken they are limited to), I have no problem with it.”

“so you actually think that taxpayers should pay for it?”

“didn’t you say that you got a ticket this morning? Isn’t that what has you all upset in the first place?”

“yes, that bastard could have given me a warning!”

“how much was your ticket?”

“83 freaking(not the word she used but this is a mostly clean blog) dollars!”

“well, that is $83 dollars less that us tax payers who DIDN’T do anything wrong have to pay for gas.”

“yes, but the asshole could have just given me a warning”

“and then cost the taxpayers that you are so vehemently worried about $83 more dollars? Which way do you want it? You can’t have it both ways….”

“Go to hell BD, go to hell” she says laughing.