Tuesday, May 15, 2007

The moon topples "Growth" Fiction contest

Well the contest results are in. I didn't win but that is okay. Three of my favorites placed in the competition so I have no qualms with the results whatsoever. Truth be told I wasn't very happy with my entry at all. I liked the story and the idea, but the rushed results just didn't do it for me. Hopefully this will teach me to finish a story early, put it away for a while, and then come back to it with a fresher look to help pick out the things that need fixing. Anyways, if you would like to see the original version(which isn't horrible), Head on over to the moon topples(see sidebar) or click HERE to see entry #25 which was mine. While you are there, check out some of the other Entries as well. My favorites were as follows

#4 "Paolo and the Snakes by Seamus Kearney

,#12 "My short story "by Stray

,#16, "Rings" by Jason Evans

#14 , "Seeds of truth" by Songnatrice




Meanwhile, here is my edited, updated version that I like at least a little better.

Catch 22

"Hey Okie wait up! There is someone I want you to meet." Okie turned in time to see Blaine and another man approaching.

"Okie this is Dan," Blaine began, "he will be joining us in the marketing department. Dan this is ….."

"Take a freaking picture, It will last longer!" Okie screamed.

"What?" Dan stammered, "I, I wasn't staring."

"Sure you weren't, that's what they all say. By the way, my eyes are up here."

"Okay, okay I was staring a bit, but I couldn't help it. I'm sorry."

"Go ahead."

"Excuse me?"

"Go ahead and ask. It isn't like I haven't heard it before you know. Real or fake right? That's what your thinking isn't it?"

"Well, I,,,,,,uhhhhh, yeah I guess I was thinking that," Dan replied."

"So go ahead. At least have the balls to ask." Okie replied holding out his hand to Blaine. In the eight years they had known each other Okie had never lost this bet. Not once.

"It's okay, No such thing as a dumb question right?"

"Okay, real or fake?" Dan asked sheepishly.

"Real."

While he still hated it, Pinnochio, 'Okie' to his friends had learned to deal with this common occurrence. It was all part of being who he was. He had even come to enjoy the shocked looks on people's faces.

"No way!" Dan said, trying so hard NOT to look that he felt awkward .

"Way, it is as real as the one on your face. I have a rare disease. They don't know what actually causes it, but every time I tell a lie it grows."

"So you what? You telling me you just don't lie anymore?"

"I try my best not to, as you can see I wasn't very successful early on."

"Even a little white lie will cause it to grow?"

"Yes, which is why I try my best not to."

"I don't see how you do it. That must be tough to live with."

"You have no idea how bad it can be. Ever have your wife ask you if her butt looks big today?"

"Wow" Dan replied scratching his head. "I can see where that might cause some problems. Damned if you do, damned if you don't huh? "

"It ruined my marriage."

"You mean she left you because of your nose?"

"Yeah, that among other things. Have you ever heard the theory 'for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction?"

"Yes, what about it?"

"Wellllll", okie said glancing down at his midsection, "Nose growssss....."

"Oh shit! and IT shrinks? Dude that's harsh!" Dan almost screamed.

"She had the same kind of problem, only when she lies her butt gets bigger. It was a vicious catch 22 I tell ya."

"How so?"

"She asks if her butt looks big," Okie replies ticking things off on his fingers as he counts.

"I lie to protect her feelings."

"Nose grows, other ummm things shrink."

"I get insecure and worried and ask her if size does matter."

"She lies to protect MY feelings."

"Butt grows, boobs shrink."

"Wait," Dan interupts him. "You mean her boobs shrink?"

"Equal and opposite reactions my friend, equal and opposite reactions", Okie replied.

Dan looked nervously over to Blaine sure his leg was being pulled. Blaine could only nod his head in agreement.

"So what happened, her butt finally got so big you couldn't take it anymore?

"No, I LIKE big butts, I can not lie, you other brothers can't deny."

"Huh?"

"Never mind," Pinnochio said laughing.

"If it wasn't the butt, then what was the problem?"

"It was the lies I couldn't take. It was the lies she apparently couldn't leave behind."

" No pun intended" he added after a short pause.

All three men burst out laughing as Okie's nose immediately began to grow.


BD

15 comments:

heather said...

oh that's funny! lol you need some help there buddy. :-)

truthfully though i could totaly see this as a super power type thing. ~if~ the reverse were true. as in tell the truth and the nose shrinks and the 'other' grows.

good grief! did you figure out a way to set your wv to freakin impossible or what?! sgzdwjaz, wtf?

jason evans said...

Thanks for the kind words, BD!! Much appreciated.

I definitely remember reading yours. I thought it was a cool idea, and I enjoyed the humor.

Jenny! said...

That was funny. I have to admit that I like the 1st one better!

sognatrice said...

Thanks for mentioning me here, but I was just stopping by to let me know that yours was actually my choice for #1. I loved it even before the rewrite :)

sognatrice said...

Oops, that you should be to let "you" know. I'm sleepy....

Susan said...

I nearly died. "I like big butts I can not lie.."

You are hilarious.

Scott said...

You are a sick person, Donkey... and I love it!

Tera said...

LOL!!! BD, you crack me up! You like big butts huh....

Chris said...

When you say "Blaine", I can only think of the mocumentary "Waiting for Guffman".

Congratulations for even enterinig the contest. Most people don't have the guts.

The Moon Topples said...

BD: I'm a little late making the rounds, but I wanted to say thanks for entering, and to let you know that I liked your story. Although the more humorous entries seemed a little short on votes this time around, I hope you'll give it another go next time.

Anthony J. Rapino said...

Very cool. I didn't read the older version, but i do like the new one. Thanks for stopping by.

heather said...

i'm bored so i'm gonna leave a nonsensical comment on your blog.

the other day the flower was orange, today it's yellow. go figure.

James Burnett said...

funny as hell. good stuff. makes me afraid to lie ever. shrinkage under any circumstances is not a good thing.

heather said...

happy memorial day weekend bd, and thank you. :-)

heather said...

soooo, you gonna write and illustrate that super hero story? or you could write it an killer could illustrate it. :-)