How will you be defined

Okay the question for the day is this......How do YOU define the word "extremely"?No, no, don't go looking it up, just off the top of your head. Why do you ask BD your asking?Here is why.

briliantdonkey -- [adjective]: Extremely flatulent 'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Well now, THAT'S just a bit of an exagerration!

Mildly flatulent? sure.

Overly flatulent? at times, guilty your honor, I AM a man.

Capable of playing "pull my finger" with just a moments notice? Usually.

Does the hand under the armpit/ flap your arm like a chicken/ fart noise make me laugh? Well, yes but I AM only 38 after all.

Do I have a picture of a donkey farting away the 'L' in "brilliant" on my blog?

Coincidence I say!

But "EXTREMELY"????? I THINK NOT!

BD

whole lotta nuttin

Just checking in to let my three readers know that no, in spite of the silence, I ain't dead quite yet. So what has been going on in the world of Briliant donkey? A lot. And yet nothing at the same time. As you may(or may not) have heard Florida is in another 'Fire' year where half the state at some point or another seems to be on fire. Knock on wood, I have been fairly lucky as of yet. Other than a lot of smoke, and an occassional detour or evacuation(close to me but not affecting me), it has been more of an inconvenience than a danger. We DID finally get a good storm one night about a week ago. The picture above is of a rather large tree right beside my house that fell as a result. Again, no real harm. It destroyed the little shed/canopy and is laying directly across the tip of a boat trailer which was underneath the canopy. There won't be any fishing anytime soon but again it was actually pretty lucky. Had it fallen literally ANY other direction it would have taken out one of three houses. Instead, it fell directly between me and my neighbor and stopped just shy of another neighbors front porch. Like I said, inconvenient, but no danger.

What else?

I have finally taken a small step into the present. I actually gave in and finally bought me an Ipod. That new toy has taken up a fair amount of my time of late as well. I hadn't been much into music at all for the last several years(opting mostly to listen to AM sports talk radio) when I am in the car which is the only time I listen to the radio for the most part. I honestly don't recall the last CD I listened to much less actually bought(have almost never burned one) but I would be willing to bet it has been 3 years or more. Anyways, it has been neat uploading all my cd's to this thing and more or less re-discovering music. I had forgotten how awesome the likes of Pink floyd, The Steve miller band, Queensryche, Hank Jr and countless others are.

Other than that, I am just pretty much up to the same ole same ole(save for posting). Working, looking for a new place to live closer to Biffy, and sleeping have taken up most of my time. However, I am not dead. Then again, I may prefer that option to the thought of packing up all my shit and actually MOVING. Anyways, sorry for the lack of posting as of late. I WOULD say that I will get back into the habit of posting at some point, but see no need to threaten you all like that.

Till next time take it easy,

BD

The moon topples "Growth" Fiction contest

Well the contest results are in. I didn't win but that is okay. Three of my favorites placed in the competition so I have no qualms with the results whatsoever. Truth be told I wasn't very happy with my entry at all. I liked the story and the idea, but the rushed results just didn't do it for me. Hopefully this will teach me to finish a story early, put it away for a while, and then come back to it with a fresher look to help pick out the things that need fixing. Anyways, if you would like to see the original version(which isn't horrible), Head on over to the moon topples(see sidebar) or click HERE to see entry #25 which was mine. While you are there, check out some of the other Entries as well. My favorites were as follows

#4 "Paolo and the Snakes by Seamus Kearney

,#12 "My short story "by Stray

,#16, "Rings" by Jason Evans

#14 , "Seeds of truth" by Songnatrice




Meanwhile, here is my edited, updated version that I like at least a little better.

Catch 22

"Hey Okie wait up! There is someone I want you to meet." Okie turned in time to see Blaine and another man approaching.

"Okie this is Dan," Blaine began, "he will be joining us in the marketing department. Dan this is ….."

"Take a freaking picture, It will last longer!" Okie screamed.

"What?" Dan stammered, "I, I wasn't staring."

"Sure you weren't, that's what they all say. By the way, my eyes are up here."

"Okay, okay I was staring a bit, but I couldn't help it. I'm sorry."

"Go ahead."

"Excuse me?"

"Go ahead and ask. It isn't like I haven't heard it before you know. Real or fake right? That's what your thinking isn't it?"

"Well, I,,,,,,uhhhhh, yeah I guess I was thinking that," Dan replied."

"So go ahead. At least have the balls to ask." Okie replied holding out his hand to Blaine. In the eight years they had known each other Okie had never lost this bet. Not once.

"It's okay, No such thing as a dumb question right?"

"Okay, real or fake?" Dan asked sheepishly.

"Real."

While he still hated it, Pinnochio, 'Okie' to his friends had learned to deal with this common occurrence. It was all part of being who he was. He had even come to enjoy the shocked looks on people's faces.

"No way!" Dan said, trying so hard NOT to look that he felt awkward .

"Way, it is as real as the one on your face. I have a rare disease. They don't know what actually causes it, but every time I tell a lie it grows."

"So you what? You telling me you just don't lie anymore?"

"I try my best not to, as you can see I wasn't very successful early on."

"Even a little white lie will cause it to grow?"

"Yes, which is why I try my best not to."

"I don't see how you do it. That must be tough to live with."

"You have no idea how bad it can be. Ever have your wife ask you if her butt looks big today?"

"Wow" Dan replied scratching his head. "I can see where that might cause some problems. Damned if you do, damned if you don't huh? "

"It ruined my marriage."

"You mean she left you because of your nose?"

"Yeah, that among other things. Have you ever heard the theory 'for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction?"

"Yes, what about it?"

"Wellllll", okie said glancing down at his midsection, "Nose growssss....."

"Oh shit! and IT shrinks? Dude that's harsh!" Dan almost screamed.

"She had the same kind of problem, only when she lies her butt gets bigger. It was a vicious catch 22 I tell ya."

"How so?"

"She asks if her butt looks big," Okie replies ticking things off on his fingers as he counts.

"I lie to protect her feelings."

"Nose grows, other ummm things shrink."

"I get insecure and worried and ask her if size does matter."

"She lies to protect MY feelings."

"Butt grows, boobs shrink."

"Wait," Dan interupts him. "You mean her boobs shrink?"

"Equal and opposite reactions my friend, equal and opposite reactions", Okie replied.

Dan looked nervously over to Blaine sure his leg was being pulled. Blaine could only nod his head in agreement.

"So what happened, her butt finally got so big you couldn't take it anymore?

"No, I LIKE big butts, I can not lie, you other brothers can't deny."

"Huh?"

"Never mind," Pinnochio said laughing.

"If it wasn't the butt, then what was the problem?"

"It was the lies I couldn't take. It was the lies she apparently couldn't leave behind."

" No pun intended" he added after a short pause.

All three men burst out laughing as Okie's nose immediately began to grow.


BD

So you want mundane?

Mist, over at Must get hobby , you know who I mean? The incredibly funny hottie with 4 billion shoes(and that is just the left ones btw) is hosting The carnival of the mundane this week. As such she has asked me to participate. To say I was honored would be an understatement.

That's right "WAS".

And,,,,,,,THEN I looked up "mundane" at dictionary.com.

Mundane: 2) common; ordinary; banal; unimaginative.

Awwwww Mist, you always know JUST what to say to tug at my heart strings and make me go all teary eyed. Anywhooo, on with the show.

What the hell is it with memories? More specifically with a person's memory? It is such a wierd thing how the human brain(or at least the space where a brain is SUPPOSED to be in some of our cases) works. I mean how is it that I can clearly remember the extremely ugly shirt I wore to school for my 5th grade picture day and yet, I have NO idea what the hell I just walked into the kitchen for 6 seconds ago. Once you get to the kitchen and realize you have forgotten what you came in there for what now? You can stand there for 25 minutes racking your brain on it and come up empty. Yes yes, I AM presuming that you either A) do the same thing or B) will humor me and say you do.

OR

You can walk BACK into the room you were originally in and POOF the memory comes right back. Why IS that? This should either NOT work or it should work for ALL things. Walk by a room where you once had sex BOOM you should have an instant memory so powerful it triggers an orgasm! Or at the very least a sudden urge to smoke a cigarette and or fall asleep. Sure you would have to carry an extra pair of shorts all the time but still, Fair is fair damnit!


Jokes: Why is it I can remember in excruciatingly boring detail my co-worker's story of her visit to the hair salon which happened 4 years ago? Yet let someone tell me the funniest joke ever and I have NO shot of remembering it when needed. Three days later someone asks "so you know any good jokes?" and what do you know I come up empty. The best I can do is "white horse fell into a mud puddle" or "did you hear about the dumbass that went into the kitchen and forgot what he was going in there for?"


Talking: Have you ever been talking to someone and forgotten what the hell you were about to say? THIS is bad.
....

.....

......






Eventually I have to give up and ask ummmm "what was I talking about"? THIS is worse.

To which the inevitible response is along the lines of "I have no idea" . Doesn't ANYONE listen to me????? Hello??? is this thing on???

Anyone, anyone? Beuller,,,,,,beuller?

And yet, when you WANT to forget about something? Fuhhhhgedaboudit! Ever get a stupid song caught in your head. The smurfs theme song? "Wheels on the bus go round and round?" Ever catch yourself singing that song for 3 days at a time? You can try to sing something else. You can watch tv, go for a jog, or any other attempted remedy but you are shit out of luck right? There is ONLY one way to cure this. You must for some reason 'pass the song onto someone else" like a common cold. And you can't cheat either. You can't simply walk up to Fred in accounting and suggest he start singing the smurf song. You instead have to walk by fred, subtly humming the smurf song and cause HIM to subcounciously think about it till he is singing it. Those are the rules! I don't know why? I just know it is so. And by the way to all my fellow workers who kept looking at me funny the other day,

In fact, I DO feel pretty.

I DO feel witty.

I DO feel pretty, and witty, AND BRIGHT!

For more mundane thoughts be sure to click on the links at the beginning of this post.

BD

Weekend wasn't a complete loss

All in all I had a fairly good weekend. First, I bought season five of "The shield" and watched it all the way through in two days. Needless to say, I didn't get off of my couch very much except to try and figure out what I just did with the damned remote!

Second,The "Growth short fiction" contest over at The moon topples(see sidebar or a couple of posts back for the link) deadline has passed. I ended up submitting a story though truthfully I am not all that happy with it. Especially since I couldn't work out a lot of the details till almost the last minute but that is noone's fault other than my own. One of the rules is each entry is to remain anonymous until the voting is closed. Therefore, I can't send you over to my specific entry or post it here yet. I DO suggest if you are looking for some new stories that you head over and check them out though.

Third, and perhaps most importantly I fulfilled my quota of sophmoric humor.

For now.

I finally managed to get my new avatar thingamabob to work that I was talking about yesterday. I was actually hoping to get it put in the header, but like it better where it ended up in the sidebar now that I see it. Anyways, a friend of one of my 3 readers(suz) put that together for me a while back so I can't take a single bit of the credit for it at all. Thanks a lot JJ(and Suz), I DO much appreciate it!

Fourth, The very much esteemed mist is hosting the Carnival of the Mundane on the 11th. Wheter it is because noone else volunteered or she sent me the invite by accident I don't know, but she has asked me to participate which I will. Stay tuned for that.

Fifth, I finally, FINALLY managed to do some updating in the bloglinks department. For those that have been waiting a while I apologize but I think I got most if not all of the ones I had been meaning to add. (probably not, but that is what I am telling myself).

Have a good tuesday all,

BD

new logo test run

A while back someone sent me this logo. I have been trying to figure out how to get it on the blog ever since. He is SUPPOSED to fart and cause one of the "L" s to disappear so we will see if it works. If not, and anyone smarter than me knows how to make this work I would love to hear it. Better yet if you know how to make it my header that would be even better.

BD

Edited to add: Well that didn't work. Oh well. I DID, thanks to the not so subtle reminder in comments by my favorite stalker Heather, finally manage to add a LOT of way overdue links.

Lazy my arse!

Just busy ,,,,,,allllllll the time yeah all the time. Thats the ticket.

BD

Friday Blog flashlight

Okay so I am a day late, sue me. This Friday blog flashlight idea is one I have been meaning to do for a while but haven't ever really gotten around to doing it. We shall see how it goes. Last week I posted a bit about Jason's contest over at the clarity of night. While the prizes are nice, and the feedback great, my favorite thing about his contests is I always manage to find any number of new blog reads that turn out to become my regular reading material.
Anyways, I meant to post about this much earlier this week so sorry for the delay. Especially since the deadline is Sunday. For those of you who managed to whet your appetite in the Clarity of night writing contest last week I have come across another one. Maht over at Moon Topples is having a contest of his own. No no, this is NOT a case of someone that was dissappointed in the results of the last one, running off to start his/her own. While I just found his blog THROUGH Jason's contest, he has done these before this as well. I won't bore you with all the rules but the deadline is the 7th and the word count is 500(if I am not mistaken.) Head on over and check it out. Just don't tell him EYE sent you or he may never let you back in.

If I don't see you before then, Have a great weekend!

BD