Sunday, March 11, 2007

cookies and coffee houses

So I went out to eat the other day on my day off. I went to a local chain that sells among other things all sorts of coffees, desserts, sandwiches, soups, breads, and the like. It is the kind of place you can go and spend a couple of leisurely hours reading a book, or surfing the web if you like. Or you can come in, eat, and run depending on your preference. So there I am standing in line. I have decided what sandwich I will order, and am pretty much submersed in the world of "Cell" by Stephen King.

One of my favorite things about reading is lines no longer bother me. Catch me at a train? No problem, I will pull out my book and read. Bank teller lines? No problem, pull out my book. This does NOT mean I don't get furious at people sending the tube back and forth 6 times as covered in a recent post. As I get closer to the counter I see two rather large Chocolate chip cookies (cookie cakes? is that what they are called?), on display in the front window. They have the primary display position in the store. I remember reading somewhere that there is a word for this area but don't recall what it is, so I will call it the 'center of attention'(C.O.A). They are each roughly the size of a small pizza. I can almost hear the other various desserts wishing they had that display spot. The C.O.A has done its job in this case because I wonder briefly if I should grab one of those to take home as well.

I am still fairly early in my book, at the part where the world starts to go a bit loony, when I hear a bit of commotion and realize the world is starting to go a bit loony.

"Take a f-ing picture it will last longer!",

drags me out of the make believe loony world and back into the real one. I look up to see the girl behind the counter for the first time and though I am not what you would call a 'boob man' it is immediately evident that she has boobs a plenty.

I could say they are HUGE but that really doesn't do them justice.

I could say they are the stuff wide eyed teenage boys find themselves staring at in an issue of some magazine called 'jugs' or 'bazoombas' stashed under their mattress, but that wouldn't quite do them justice either.

I could say that were I to paint a nipple on each of my butt cheeks it would be tough to say which would be larger, but I won't put that disturbing vision in your mind's eye.

It only takes a moment to look at and interpret the situation. The gentleman in line with his wife has just been caught looking at the young woman's boobs by his wife and will spend a good amount of time in the doghouse as a result. I spend a moment to consider him an idiot, decide he deserves the trouble he will be in, and once again dive back into my book.

As it turns out though, his wife isn't the one that screamed at him. Instead, it was the young lady behind the counter. Now THIS I just don't get. Were they simply huge I could understand it, but that is not the case. They are also on display. The young lady in question has clearly, and obviously taken the time to push them up, press them out, and do everything she could do to attract attention to them. Were she wearing a sweater, and he was still staring, again I could understand it. Instead she is wearing a very low cut top displaying enough cleavage to all but scream to the world "hey look at me!" Even the chocolate chip cookies have been demoted from C.O.A status. Yet she has the nerve to get offended at this guy for looking?

Splain that to me ladies.

Don't get me wrong, I get that when you dress to impress, you are looking to impress those that you find desirable and HOPE the rest will just go away. I 'get' that, but surely you don't have reason to get upset,act surprised, and make a scene when someone you DON'T find desirable looks at you do you?

Hypothetical situation:

Let's just say that tomorrow I wake up to find God has overnight decided to bless me with much more endowment than I currently own. (not going to happen but work with me here)

Let's further say, that I am heading to a party and in order to impress the ladies walk around in a speedo all night long.(again, NOT going to happen)

I get lots of wanted attention from the ladies in the room. Good that was my goal.


Suddenly a gay guy in the room is staring at me the way kash does when I am holding a doggie biscuit. He is even wagging his tail, drooling, and licking his lips just like Kash does.

Am I allowed to think something along the lines of "not a freaking chance dude, now just go away?" I would say yes.

Am I allowed to shiver and perhaps gag thinking what he is thinking? Sure

Should I be offended that he is looking when 'getting people to look' was my goal? I would have to say no, unless buying one of those chocolate chip cookies that night was wrong of me too. Feel free to agree or disagree. I am curious of what other people's thoughts are.



mist1 said...

Look at me, but do not touch.

briliantdonkey said...

nope no touching again mist. Getting my ass kicked for that the first three times hurt,,,,getting it again for breaking your favorite shoes over my head was like salt in the wound. open wound.


heather said...

i'm sorry but if you're that well endowed and you put them (it) on display, you ~do not~ get to choose who looks. period. who touches, by all means yes, who looks, no. having said that my main issue with this is how she voiced her displeasure. i highly doubt she will be working there much longer if she can't figure out a more appropriate way to not only speak to customers, but to dress as well.

alyndabear said...

You know you've left me thinking about nipples on buttcheeks anyway, warning or not.

And yes, you've got to er, take responsibility for your knockers. By all means flaunt it, but get ready for the ogles..

Bice said...

That's when I would pull out my camera phone, snap a picture and say "thanks."

Mr. Fabulous said...

Brilliant post. Spot on!

Michael Thomas said...

I totally agree. I feel the same about guys that take their hot looking girlfriends out and then get pissed off when someone looks, which is why he's showing her off like a gd pimp in the first place. You can't have your cake and eat it too. Unless........ no, too early on Monday morning......

Ariel said...

I'm sorry. I have the image of a donkey walking around upright in a speedo stuck in my head. It's a yellow speedo, more of the make of the ones that stripper dudes wear that are more like a sling.

I may never be the same.

SWF41 said...

It's maturity and comfort with your own body that governs your reactions to how other people look at you. You can't control what they do, you can only control what YOU do.

Did management say anything about how she addressed that customer? Frankly, if a counter clerk had said something like that to me, I wouldn't have left until I had her job on the line.

Roadchick said...

Oh, for pete's sake.

The 'chick is with Bice - she'd have whipped out the camera phone too, and emailed it out to everyone she knew along with where the goodies could be viewed in person.

Wavemancali said...

I would have immediately called her manager over.

This of course would have happened after she regained consciousness from my wife pummeling her into an unconscious state.

Esmerelda said...

I would have fired the 'ho.

I can count on my right hand the number of men at work that don't check out my rack on a daily basis. It's biology, people.

If you're that uncomfortable with yourself get a shrink and some clothes. They do have reduction surgery.

It isn't like he grabbed you, pressed his face between them and shook his head left to right with vigorous joy....

Just telling it like it is said...

Just wanted to stop by and say thanks!
so, thanks

Just telling it like it is said...

p.s. I haven't said take a picture it last longer in quite a long time...made me laugh

speedwobble said...

I also agree. I mean, you choose how much you expose to be looked at, right? Sounds to me like she's virtually screaming to be looked at...

briliantdonkey said...

heather: wow we agree on something? Is that your final answer?

Alynda: consider it payback for me thinking of having the craps thanks to your post. Craps combined with nippled buttcheeks,,,,not a good combo.

Bice: I actually contemplated doing JUST that. I DID(in a pretty good George costanza impression if I do say so myself) say "yeah you dress that way to get people to look at your shoes.

Fab: That would be 'briliant' dang newbies! Just kidding, welcome to the blog.

Michael: never too early in the morning.

Ariel: damn what is WITH you all? Michael gives me purple pen in my guest post, and YOU give me a yellow speedo! I was thinking more along the lines of fusia.

Attention P.R.U. : I have NO idea what fusia looks like I just heard the color somewhere before. I will KEEP peeing standing up thank you very much.

SWF: no they just let it go as far as I know. Then again maybe I was too busy looking back and forth from the cookies to the boobs to see which was more on display.


Esmerelda: lol

Just telling it: Not sure what you are thanking me for exactly, but whatever it is You are welcome! errrr I mean I know i know.

speedwobble: agreed, it reminded me of street signs you can see for miles telling you to change lanes.


heather said...

bd, you and i agree on several things it seems, do you have a really cute white jacket with extra long sleeves? lol

Brandi said...

LOL Um I would have to say if we are showing them off then we have no right to get upset at the men (or women) looking at them. I agree with ya!