I was able to ignore it for a while.
When I bought my first package of Just for men beard coloring, I said, nah I am not getting old. I am getting vain. That's all. No big deal.
When people started saying ' sir' to me: I let it go.
Or calling me "Mr."...........No big deal, it is just a sign of respect is all.
But I guess all good things come to an end. Today on my way to work, I got pulled over. The follwing is based on that event. Most of it is real, some of it was just in my head as I was thinking 'yep THIS is going in the blog".
Brain: Be cool, no big deal.
Officer: "how you doing today sir?"
Brain: "he called you sir, nope you are not getting old, sign of respect. hehe"
me: "fine how are you today sir?"
Officer: "Could I see your license please sir."
Me:(handing it over) "do you need my registration and insurance too?"
Brain: Good idea, just give him EVERYTHING he needs to write you a ticket right away! Hell why not just volunteer for some finger prints while you are at it!
Me: "Shut up!"
Officer: "Excuse me?"
Me: (coughing did I say that out loud?) "ummm nothing, I was just singing."
Officer: "Are you aware of the speed limit around here."
Me: "I wasn't sure exactly what it was in this area , but I figured it was 55 or so."
Officer: "It's 65."
Me: (looking shocked) "I was going over 65?????"
Brain: No fucking way you were going over 65! This bastard is going to try to write you a ticket for something you didn't do that is bullshit! He is looking to make a quota! Oh we gotta fight this! See? I told you Defending the doughnut munchers was a bad idea!
Officer: "you were doing 50"
me: (giving in to the trouble making side of my brain), " I don't think"(planning to say there is ANY bleeping way I was going that fast officer, NO damned way),,,,,,,
"wait, did you say 50?"
officer: "yes sir, I pulled you over because you were impeding the normal flow of traffic."
Brain: Dudeeeee, you got pulled over for driving too slow!,,,,,bwwwahhhhhahhhh! Wait'll I tell ..
Me: You can't tell ANYONE!
Brain: Like hell I can't! Unlesss....
Me: Unless what?
Brain: Well, we brains need things to survive, It is important to feed us daily to allow us to grow and be functional in the worl....Me: Just get to it already you long winded bastard! What do you want?
Brain: I want porn!
Officer: "Here you go, I am not going to write you a ticket, but pay more attention to the flow of traffic okay? Have a great day."
Me: See? I didn't even get a ticket. And no you are not getting porn.
Brain: okay, but wait'll I tell the blogworld, wait'll I tell the real world! Course in my version your blinker will have been on for 45 miles...bwaaaa haaaaa haaaaa
Me: Go ahead and TELL the blogworld! I have two readers, big deal!
Brain: Yes, but when they tell two friends and THEY tell two friends and .....
And THAT future girlfriend who may discover long forgotten about porn stashed some where in my house is the ONLY reason it was there! Scout's honor!