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So here I am, wide awake though I fell into bed exhausted just two hours ago vowing to sleep forever.
3am
Memo to: Brian (wait for itttt)
Memo from: Body
RE: emergency status
Dear Brian
"get your ass to bed NOW or there will be HELL, do you hear me? PURE HELL to pay for the foreseeable future".
signed,
Body
3:02am
memo to:Body
memo from: "Brian"
RE: recent urgent response needed
Dear Body,
Your requests have been submitted and approved. Sorry for the delay and we thank you for your understanding and patience in this matter. Full system shut down in 12, 11, 10.......
signed,
Brain
P.S: Note that is signed "BRAIN" NOT "BRIAN"
PSS: Your requests to take over and run this outfit for a while are hereby DENIED! For reasons behind this decision see exhibit A above.
signed ,
Brain
5am
memo to: Brain
memo from: Body
Dear Brain,
Why are you just laying here sleeping?
Rise and shine sleepy head!
Early bird gets the worm you know!
It could be a beautiful day! We could be out shopping! We could be up running a marathon or something!
signed,
Body
5:03 am
memo to:Body
memo from: Brain
Dear early bird,
We are "just lying here sleeping" as you put it because just two hours ago you insisted it HAD to be done. You are right we COULD be shopping, but ummmm we HATE shopping! Besides, all the stores are closed at this hour. Regarding your marathon request, aren't you the one that pulled a hamstring getting up to go to the refrigerator last week? Just a reminder by the way, you know we have to be up soon for a long double shift right? Sure you don't want to get some more sleep?
signed,
Brain
5:23 am
memo to:Brain
memo from :Body
Dearest know it all,
Yes you are correct, we do indeed HATE shopping! Sleep Schmmeeeeep! Who needs rest? Rest is wayyyyy overrated! Do I smell coffee? arrrrghhh I am bored and there is NOTHING on tv,,,,,wait is that? woooohooooo INFOMERCIALS! YES! Gotta go!
signed,
Body
6am
memo to: body
memo from: brain
Dear Hyper,
Your requests for ordering the set of Ginsu knives is denied. Do you not remember having to replace 3 pairs of sneakers, the mess you had to clean up AND having to buy a new knife?
You just HAD to see if it really COULD cut through shoes and still slice thru tomatoes and coke cans? LoL, I STILL can't BELIEVE you didn't open the coke before cutting through them by the way.
signed,
Brain
630 am
memo to: Brain
memo from: Body
Dear hold a grudge,
Geeeeesh let it go already! Cut open six lousy coke cans without opening them first and you NEVER live it down! Besides it was GINSU! Okay okay, no ginsus this time(ginsi? ginsues?ginsis? figure THAT one out smart guy!) How about that magic car paint then huh? huh? It is $4.99 and covers your entire car in a brilliant shine! Mustang Sally will LOVE that, and I have always wanted to change her from silver to Red, this is a dream come true! Where did I leave the credit card?
signed,
Body
PS: please answer quickly, If i call in the next ten minutes I only have to pay THREE easy payments instead of four!
Body
7am
memo to: Body
memo from: Brain
Dear Body,
Sorry for the delay in answering. Well no I am not, cause ordering that 4.99 car paint job is the very definition of stupidity! When are you going to learn that this stuff you see on these infomercials is nothing more than a ripof..........
wait! Is that the flowbee deluxe hair cutting slash vacuum cleaner attachment system? Credit card is in the top left cabinet in the kitchen!
Hurry!
dial damn you dial!
signed,
Brain
7:35
memo to:brain
memo from: body
Dear brain,
Yes! I did it! I ordered them. That is right "them"! Can you beleive it? I got 12 of them. We can sell them for 3 times the cost and make a bundle! We shall be rich! I am so excited! In fact, the excitement has worn me out so much I can barely keep our eyes open. We need to go back to bed now, in fact RIGHT now or we will be miserable all day.
signed,
Body
7:40 am
memo to: body
memo from:Brian
Dear Body,
Way to go! That was very quick thinking on your part ordering 12 of them! Maybe you CAN run this outfit after all. On another note, ummmmm WHAT??? "go to sleep you say",,,,,"wake up you say"......"I could run a marathon" you say..........and back to "go to sleep"......
It is too damned late to go to sleep you moroon!
By the way, changing your mind 7 times in an 8 hour period is NOT what people mean when they say 'getting in touch with your femine side!"
signed,
your pissed off Brain!
7:43 am
memo to:Brain
memo from: Body
Dear Smarty pants,
You didn't happen to mean "moron" by chance did you? If you are going to call someone a moron you should probably take time to at least spell the word "moron" correctly,,,,,I am just saying is all....Or are you trying to say I am deep dark reddish in color?
BD
tags:Seinfeld,insomnia,Sunday Scribblings,ginsu knives,smartass,
tags:waiter,infomercials,make me laugh,humor
Friday, November 17, 2006
It's 5 am what kind of post do you expect?
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4 comments:
BD,
You have the knack for making me crack up in the middle of a hot coffee, damn you! Love the writing style. And BTW,
Nice Post, Dooood!
Michael
PS: Why do I get this feeling that'd we'd get in a WHOLE lot of trouble if we ever went barhopping??
PSS: Why do I get the feeling that we'd be posting from the East Wing with the padded walls after they picked us up and committed us after an evening of barhopping.
"Drunk and Disorderly, occifer? Oh hell no, I'm just a writer bringing my blog to life. What? She said she didn't agree to the flogging? Aw, that ain't right. Just check with BD over there hanging from the chandelier and having the conversation with himself. Both of him will tell you that she asked for a demonstration, prior to signing off on three easy payments for the flogging. What? No, I didn't realize that we'd done the demonstration in front of city hall. Get in the van? Ok. Hey, what is the cage for? No seatbelts? We might get hurt when the driver takes a hard turn. Oh, we'll be handcuffed to the wall. That's alright then......
You could've been standing in line for the Playstation 3....now there's a worthwhile activity!!!
Hope you get some rest soon.
p.s. The 'chick was up at 1..and 3...and 4...and 5...and finally stayed up because that is normal getting up time in her world.
My head hurt just reading that. :D
Michael,
How many times do I have to tell you? Standing in the middle of hot coffee(even to laugh) is NOT recommended!
re: barhopping
My barhopping days are well WELL behind me. There was a time I could drink all night long till I passed out and get up and run P.T. in the morning. Ashamed to admit just how MANY of those days there were, but I own em, they are mine, so denying it doesn't do me any good. Nowadays? Give me 3 beers and I have to have a cab. 6(probably more like 5) and I don't barhop, I barfall. QUITE a lightweight the BD is these days.
re: PSS:
ummmmm where do you think I am posting from as we speak?Hullllooooo! By the way, I don't mean to scare you but those other comments you see from people? Those are all ME! my other personalities.
This just in from the scare you more department: YOU are not really real either YOU are one of my alternate personalities. Good news is that one types better than me though.
Roadchick:
Being that typing does not allow for the sarcastic tone, I am guessing that was a bit sarcastic.
That said, hush up! waiting in line for weeks at a time for a PS3 IS a good use of time!
Alynda: awwww you always know JUST what to say to make an aspiring ahem wannabe writer's heart tingle with pride!
BD
OMG: word verification= KOOTX
don't BD just don't, let this one go.arghhhhhhhh
BD
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