Monday, October 30, 2006


Choices (part II)

Apologies to my three readers, Not only for leaving you hanging but for how boring that post was. However, since a couple of you have humored me by acting like it was interesting enough to see what happened, I guess I have to humor you enough to finish it.

So anyways,

“So you are not going to let me go home then?” Wendy asks.

“no, sorry like I said it is too early and actually if I let anyone go home it will probably be Martha since she was here first, AND she had kids she could be out trick or treating with.”

I can almost see her shift into another strategy. She pouts out her bottom lip and takes a page out of the ‘women’s handbook’ that page from chapter 3 reads as follows:

“Men are by and large stupid stupid creatures. Should you ever find yourself
wanting something and failing to get them to cooperate, don’t be afraid toflirt and flaunt to get it.”

NOTE: Before I start getting hate mail, you see this tactic play out on any given day, in any given bar, restaurant or strip club across the world.

Some people engage in totally innocent flirtation.

Some pretend to be fascinated by the guy droning on and on about the round of golf he played that day(while trying desparately not to yawn).

Some simply resist the urge to answer tell a guy to buzz off when they make a rude comment.

Some may flash thier breasts if that is what it takes and they are comfortable with it.

Whatever it takes....

Make no mistake, I am NOT judging (well maybe a tad) just pointing it out. Men are not above doing (or at least trying) the same thing. I know as a bartender I tried to. The only difference is that women are much MUCH less susceptible to being led around by their breasts as men are to being led around by their Johnsons.

“Really?" She asks leaning up against the doorway,batting her eyes a bit, and shaking me from my thoughts.

Don’t laugh BD don’t laugh. You don’t want to hurt her feelings. Not to mention remember page 38 of the ‘man handbook’:

Should you ever be fortunate enough to come across a printing of the ultra
Secret women’s handbook you must MUST use the information you gain
therein against them.

And page 64 of the women’s:

Should you ever come across a man who has somehow managed to get
A copy of this sacred ultra secret document it is imperative that you kill him.
first you must torture him until he tells you where it is and then (for the sake
of women everywhere) you must kill him in a way that sends a clear warning
to the rest of the men out there of what the penalties of such are.

“You need to get back out on the floor” I say, proud of the poker face I am keeping.

“This isn’t right, it’s bullshit!”

“Oh? What is bullshit?” I ask curious as to where this is leading.

“Aren’t you the one that is always telling me to (enter sarcastic voice and quotation gesture here) stay in school?”

“Yeah, what does that have to do with anything?”

“Well, like I said, I have a term paper due tomorrow and I have barely started it. If you really thought school was so important you would let me go work on it.”

Ahhhh guilt trip strategy,(page 27)…… THAT is where this is going. And combining it with the ‘use my own words against me’ strategy (page 38)….. Interesting and VERY nicely played I might add.

I am stunned for a moment, but finally I reply,

“Weren’t you off for the last two days?” I know this answer as I juggled 2 other people’s schedules at the last minute to help her get them.

“Yes, why?”

“There is an old saying, ‘a lack of preparation on your part does NOT make it an emergency on MY part.’”

“What is THAT supposed to mean?” She asks rolling her eyes.

“It means you chose to go to a Halloween party instead of working on your term paper.”

“It means you chose to hang out at the bar instead of what you knew you should be doing. You want the whole world to shuffle their schedules around to make room for your term paper yet you couldn’t be inconvenienced enough to skip your party for it. Sorry, but if you are looking for sympathy from me you aren’t going to get it. You made your choice and now for better or worse you have to live with it.”

Turning from my desk,

“Like I said, I don’t think anyone is going home anytime soo….” I start to say and see I am now all alone in the office.

Just what I came in here for in the first place.


Jeff said...

This was great, BD!

briliantdonkey said...

Thanks Jeff, glad you enjoyed it.

For those that asked

old coot: 1

servers: Zip

We did get a bit busy though not overwhelmed by any stretch. While I enjoy being right, I know there will be plenty of days when I am completely wrong.
Mostly I am glad they were able to make some money on the night.


Alyndabear said...


I can't believe people were whining about STAYING at work. When I was working casually through uni, we would kill each other for more hours.

Well, not literally.

Although we did work in the food industry, and there WERE a lot of knives, but it never did get that far..

Silly girl.

LaLa said...

Wow. You are just like Michelle Pfeiffer in Dangerous Minds. She will thank you for it one day.

When I worked in Hospitality WE had to organise a replacement for our shifts, not our Manager. I think you should adopt this policy!

Michael Thomas said...

Doesn't it make you feel just SOOOOooooo.... powerful when, for a change, we manage to resist that feminine tugging on the Johnson and win for a change?! (Please note - winning with a fem in general constitues a victory. Winning with a Sigo just means getting your nads crushed even harder at a later date.) Send your hate male (mispelling fully intentional) to Cardiac Fantasies, Ladies. Right now, I'm pouring Jack and coke for all the guys in the room. Winning one at all means a victory to be shared by all!


Roadchick said...


Donkey, dahlin', the 'chick was wondering when you were going to point out that it really wasn't your problem that she didn't do her homework earlier.


Oh, and the manual? Beware - there are "dummy" copies out there. . .

normiekins said...

i love this story!!!!.....there should be more people out there like you....damn whiney brats....what has happened to work ethic....? i'm borrowing some of these tactics....;)

fringes said...

Thanks for finishing the story. I knew she was full of it as soon as she said "I haven't started on it yet." Who's fault is that, sister.

Way to go, old coot.