Tick tick tick....

Just a quick little reminder to those that may be interested. 13 hours until the beginning of this years NanoWriMo. 1,666 words a day for 30 days. Hopefully, at least 8 of them will be good. For more info click here. Good luck to anyone out there that participates. Remember misery DOES love company so don't be afraid to let us know how you are doing.

BD

choices(continued)

Choices (part II)

Apologies to my three readers, Not only for leaving you hanging but for how boring that post was. However, since a couple of you have humored me by acting like it was interesting enough to see what happened, I guess I have to humor you enough to finish it.

So anyways,

“So you are not going to let me go home then?” Wendy asks.

“no, sorry like I said it is too early and actually if I let anyone go home it will probably be Martha since she was here first, AND she had kids she could be out trick or treating with.”

I can almost see her shift into another strategy. She pouts out her bottom lip and takes a page out of the ‘women’s handbook’ that page from chapter 3 reads as follows:

“Men are by and large stupid stupid creatures. Should you ever find yourself
wanting something and failing to get them to cooperate, don’t be afraid toflirt and flaunt to get it.”

NOTE: Before I start getting hate mail, you see this tactic play out on any given day, in any given bar, restaurant or strip club across the world.

Some people engage in totally innocent flirtation.

Some pretend to be fascinated by the guy droning on and on about the round of golf he played that day(while trying desparately not to yawn).

Some simply resist the urge to answer tell a guy to buzz off when they make a rude comment.

Some may flash thier breasts if that is what it takes and they are comfortable with it.

Whatever it takes....

Make no mistake, I am NOT judging (well maybe a tad) just pointing it out. Men are not above doing (or at least trying) the same thing. I know as a bartender I tried to. The only difference is that women are much MUCH less susceptible to being led around by their breasts as men are to being led around by their Johnsons.

“Really?" She asks leaning up against the doorway,batting her eyes a bit, and shaking me from my thoughts.

Don’t laugh BD don’t laugh. You don’t want to hurt her feelings. Not to mention remember page 38 of the ‘man handbook’:

Should you ever be fortunate enough to come across a printing of the ultra
Secret women’s handbook you must MUST use the information you gain
therein against them.

And page 64 of the women’s:

Should you ever come across a man who has somehow managed to get
A copy of this sacred ultra secret document it is imperative that you kill him.
first you must torture him until he tells you where it is and then (for the sake
of women everywhere) you must kill him in a way that sends a clear warning
to the rest of the men out there of what the penalties of such are.

“You need to get back out on the floor” I say, proud of the poker face I am keeping.

“This isn’t right, it’s bullshit!”

“Oh? What is bullshit?” I ask curious as to where this is leading.

“Aren’t you the one that is always telling me to (enter sarcastic voice and quotation gesture here) stay in school?”

“Yeah, what does that have to do with anything?”

“Well, like I said, I have a term paper due tomorrow and I have barely started it. If you really thought school was so important you would let me go work on it.”

Ahhhh guilt trip strategy,(page 27)…… THAT is where this is going. And combining it with the ‘use my own words against me’ strategy (page 38)….. Interesting and VERY nicely played I might add.

I am stunned for a moment, but finally I reply,

“Weren’t you off for the last two days?” I know this answer as I juggled 2 other people’s schedules at the last minute to help her get them.

“Yes, why?”

“There is an old saying, ‘a lack of preparation on your part does NOT make it an emergency on MY part.’”

“What is THAT supposed to mean?” She asks rolling her eyes.

“It means you chose to go to a Halloween party instead of working on your term paper.”

“It means you chose to hang out at the bar instead of what you knew you should be doing. You want the whole world to shuffle their schedules around to make room for your term paper yet you couldn’t be inconvenienced enough to skip your party for it. Sorry, but if you are looking for sympathy from me you aren’t going to get it. You made your choice and now for better or worse you have to live with it.”

Turning from my desk,

“Like I said, I don’t think anyone is going home anytime soo….” I start to say and see I am now all alone in the office.

Just what I came in here for in the first place.

Choices

It has been a fairly slow Saturday night. We have the usual array of regulars, but walk in traffic is relatively slow. I have only been working in the town of Biffy(aka B.F.E.) for almost two months so I am not totally used to the ‘when we will be busy and when we won’t” trends, but I am getting there. The 4 servers on the floor are understandably upset and already asking to be sent home.

“jeeeesh!!!! We’re not going to get busy, I don’t know why he won’t let someone leave” I hear “Judy” say in her raspy, 50 year old, two packs a day, biker chick voice.

The devil on my right shoulder quickly types up the following response and sends it to my brain.

Cause if I let someone go it will have to be one of my GOOD servers, leaving me not only short staffed for a rush, but short staffed AND handicapped since you get weeded with any more than two tables

The angel on my left considers this response, even laughs at it, but in the end pulls out a tennis racket and knocks it away. I hate the angel sometimes, even if I know he is right.

I have been in their shoes, so I simply let it go.


Biffy is a small town located not too far from the major college town of Gainseville, Florida, Home of the University of Florida Gators. One reason it is slow is the Gator football team is playing one of its biggest rivals this week. Gator games tend to be among our slower times. AFTER gator games we tend to get pretty busy. Since the game will end in about an hour, and we are still open for four I feel pretty safe in thinking we are going to be busy at some point. Therefore, I have to decline the requests to send someone home. Before long the requests turn to whining.

Four servers, none of them making money. All of them wants to be the one to go home, but barring that they just want SOMEONE to go home.

I get it, minimal tips split 4 ways is always less than minimal tips split 3 ways.

Before too long the whining turns to bitching.

I remind myself of my own serving days, bite my toungue, and hold my ground. It will get busier and until then the best I can do for them is NOT make them find some kind of busy work to do until then.

As I head back to the office, I hear.

“I have a term paper due tomorrow, that is really important! Why the hell won’t he let me leave!”

This comment gets my attention for a moment. I believe in education. I applaud the servers like Wendy and Kyla who are going to college and looking to better themselves in hopes of finding a ‘real job’. I even encourage it to the point of preaching it at times though I know my words usually go in one ear and out of the other. I know this because these same words went in one of MY ears a long time ago and out of the other. I hope they don’t get ‘stuck’ in a serving job for as long as I did and end up regretting it. Lord knows if I had a chance to go back in time and do it all over again I would NOT stay in the serving (or even bartending) end of the pool nearly as long as I did. And that is assuming I stayed in the restaurant business at all. That is not to say that serving is a bad thing, just me admitting that even to me the grass DOES seem to be greener on the other side.

I blew off more than my share of “enjoy your childhood while you can” and “don’t be in such a hurry to grow up” and “stay in school” advice back in my day. To me, it was simple ‘ramblings of an old coot’. It MUST be! Who wouldn’t WANT to grow up, be able to buy what you want, go where you want, do what you want, whenever you wanted to do it? Surely, THAT is what being a grown up was like after all!

Now EYE am the old coot, giving the same advice, knowing it will be ignored but trying none the less.

For these reasons and more, I consider letting “Wendy” go home. There is a knock on the door.

“come in”

“I have a term paper, due tomorrow, can I go home?”

“No, if it stays slow I will try to get you out of here a little bit early, but right now it is just too soon. I think we will be getting busy once the game is over and the Halloween fest in town is over.”

“It isn’t going to get busy anyways, we have only had 6 kids come in for trick or treats.”

“You may be right, but I don’t think so.”

(To be continued, sorry but 6 am and I am falling asleep at the keyboard) See? I AM an old coot!

Bedtime stories

Bedtime stories

This week’s prompt for Sunday Scribblings is “Bedtime stories”. I can’t say that I really, definitely remember having stories read to me when I was a child. Then again, I can’t say with any amount of certainty that I WASN’T either. I DO know that I am an avid reader and have loved to read for about as long as I can remember. Some of my early favorites included the wacky adventures of Fudge in “Tales of a 4th grade nothing”, “Super fudge” and others by Judy Blume. This series follows the exploits of its main character Fudge who gets himself into all kinds of funny situations and more or less drives his older brother(s?) crazy. Having 4 older brothers and 2 older sisters myself, perhaps that alone was what I enjoyed the most about it lol. It is a series that I think most people can relate to since many of us have had to deal with a little brother or sister at some point in our lives.

Another one that I recall making quite an impression on me at a pretty young age was the adventures of Encyclopedia Brown by Donald J. Sobol. It has been years since I read either one of these but if I recall correctly Encyclopedia Brown is the son of a detective and always manages to find himself solving different kinds of mysteries. It allows the reader to follow along with the clues and try to solve the case as well. I have little doubt that this series sparked my interest in mysteries and thrillers that I still love to read today.

Over the years, I have since given these books to various nephews and nieces of mine. While I can’t say they ALL have liked them(certainly not as much as I did), at least one of them REALLY seemed to enjoy them and began embracing reading instead of dreading it as he always had. If any of you have children that you are trying to encourage to read, I STRONGLY recommend any of these books especially for those between the ages of 7-10 or so. I may even look for them at my used bookstore next time I am in there just to re-read them myself.

I would have thought that by now I would be reading these among others to my OWN children as bedtime stories. At 37 and single, the “2 boys and a girl (or vice versa)” plan doesn’t seem to be my fate or ‘in the cards’ but if I ever do have kids you can bet these will be on their reading lists. Until then, I guess I will have to settle for recommending them to others and sending them to my nephews and nieces. Then again, since many of them are old enough to drink at this point they may look at me a bit funny when I do so.
For more Sunday Scribblings go here.

tags:Seinfeld,bedtime stories,Sunday Scribblings,Judy Blume,smartass,
tags:good,waitress,Encyclopedia Brown,humor

"Good"

This week’s prompt for Sunday Scribblings is simply “Good”. Let me start off with a question. Does that mean that this post has to be good? If so, I may be in big trouble. Also, fair warning, this may ramble a bit.

-I am off for the next two days and this to say the least, is ‘good’.

-Does anyone know of a GOOD surgeon? If so please send them to 483 Briliantdonkey way, because it will take no less than the best to remove this couch from my arse in the next couple of days.

-I had to work all day Sunday. With the new job this is pretty much par for the course. No big deal, but I DO miss spending most if not all day Sunday laid(laying?lying? ummmmmmm

I DO miss spending all day SITTING on the couch watching football game after football game on the boob tube. Why do they call it a ‘boob tube’ anyways? Why not ‘ass tube’? I can only guess that it is because the insides of televisions used to be made up of a bunch of tubes. Boob rhymes with tube so Walla.
If that is the case then why not “Pube tube?” On second thought, I guess I should just be happy the insides of televisions were never full of pix.

Anyways, where was I? Oh, so being in the middle of no where does have at least one good advantage. I actually CAN manage to go all day without hearing the result of the Jaguar game. This allows me to tivo it and come home to watch it as if it were live so that is GOOD. Except on days like yesterday, when I come home to watch and see they got their Butts handed to them by the damn Houston Texans. Again…….. NOT so GOOD!

Speaking of ‘NOT so good: There seems to be some kind of bug going around blogville lately. For various reasons a lot of VERY good bloggers have been posting less and less frequently as of late and some of them not at all. I myself admit to being guilty of this. (The ‘posting less frequently’ part NOT the ‘good bloggers’ part that is). A few like Caty of “The bean counter” , Rebecca from Writing Blind and Flood from Flash Flood have made it official and announced they are closing up shop(albeit I hope only temporarily). Here is to wishing you all well, letting you know you and your words are missed, and hoping to see you back posting soon.

Others like Debra from Barmaid Blog, Schprock of the The Schprock report, and waiter from insane waiter seem to be posting a bit less as of late as well. I hope for you (like me); this is just a temporary thing and not the beginning of the end. To read all of your stuff is enjoyable, a privilege, and like those listed above, you (and your words) are missed.

I have always said that I would not let the idea of getting older bother me and for the most part I think I have held myself true to that word which I suppose is good. However, that doesn’t mean I am not allowed to joke about it. My shrink would tell me that at least in some veiled subconscious way joking about it is a sign that it IS bothering me. I consider making a joke about not paying her and watching her eyes bulge out of her head but discretion wins out damnit!

With that in mind, Part of a conversation from work the other day:

Waitress::::: rambling on and on about something or other I have no idea::::

BD: (pouts out lip and gives best suspicious evil eye) “whatchhuuuu tawkin bout Willis?”

Waitress: ……………. (Blank look)

BD: “Arnold? Gary Coleman?.........Oh come on!...... Facts of life?”

Waitress: ……………. (Blank look)

BD: “ahhh let me guess you have never seen ‘Facts of life’?

Waitress: “facts of life?”

BD: “never mind I guess you are too young for that one, but believe me it (my impression of it as much as the show) was Fuuuuuun KNEEEE!"

Waitress: “shut up! You are not THAT much older than me!”

BD: “37”

Waitress: “no way! You are NOT that old.

This leads to a few minutes of the ‘yes I am/ No your not” game until she makes me pull out my license and prove it. I take this time to have a conversation in my mind with my shrink.

Shrink: “See? The way you are poking your chest out proudly jussssst a weee bit proves on some subconscious level you are bothered by it.”

BD: “no Doc, I’m not, old is better than dead.”

Shrink: “okay keep telling yourself that if you must but I think you know the truth.” Tell me you did not replay her last comment in your mind 4 times to make sure she said "you are NOT that old!" as opposed to "you are not THAT old!"

BD: How about if I DON’T pay you for my next few visits, how would that make YOU feel?

I am just getting to the good part where her eyes bulge out in panic when I am shaken out of my thoughts by:

Waitress: “I’ll be damned you ARE 37!”

BD: “yup, 37 and counting.”

Waitress: Wow, you are old enough to be my father!

BD: ummmm Doc? Doc? Shall I make those checks out to Dr. shrink or DOCTOR shrink?


For more Sunday scribblings please visit here.


tags:Seinfeld,aging,Sunday Scribblings,Red Sox,smartass,
tags:good,waitress,alarms,humor

checklist

Michael over at Cardiac fantasies and the Roadchick have this checklist going around of things people have(or haven’t) done. Below are my fairly boring answers, and a couple of comments to some of them as well.




Fill in what you’ve “done”:
( ) Smoked a joint
( ) Done cocaine
(X) Been in love
( ) Had a threesome
(x) Been dumped
more often than I care to admit. See ‘one night stand’ below for one

(X) Shoplifted
(X) Had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back
(x ) Been arrested
(X) Made out with a stranger
(X) Gone on a blind date
(X) Had a crush on a teacher
( x) Been to Europe
( ) Been to Canada
( ) Been to Mexico
(X) Seen someone die
( ) Thrown up in a bar
(X) Met a celebrity
(X) Met someone from the internet in person
( ) Been moshing at a concert
( ) Gone backstage at a concert
(X) Lain outside in the grass and watched cloud shapes go by
(X) Made a snow angel
(X) Flown a kite
(X) Cheated while playing a game
(X) Been lonely
(X) Fallen asleep at work
( x) Fallen asleep at school
(X) Used a fake ID
( x) Been kicked out of a bar
( ) Felt an earthquake
(X) Touched a snake
( ) Slept beneath the stars
( ) Been robbed
(X) Won a contest
(X) Run a red light
( ) Been suspended from school
( ) Had braces
(X) Felt like an outcast
( ) Eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(X) Had deja vu
( x) Totaled a car
( ) Stolen a car
(X) Hated the way you look
( x) Witnessed a crime
(X) Been to a strip club
( ) Been to the opposite side of the world
(X) Swum in the ocean
(X) Felt like dying
(X) Cried yourself to sleep
( x) Sung karaoke
(X) Paid for a meal with only coins
(X) Done something you told yourself you wouldn’t
(X) Made prank phone calls
(X) Caught a snowflake on your tongue
( x) Been kissed under the mistletoe
( x) Had a bonfire on the beach
(X) Crashed a party
(X) Seen a tornado
(X) Had a wish come true
( ) Gone bungee jumping
Bungee jumping no, but I have always wanted to. Parachuting, hang gliding, rapelling, yes.
(x ) Screamed in public
( ) Told a complete stranger you loved them
(X) Had a one night stand
( ) Kissed a mirror The mirror kissed me, see one night stand,see been dumped

( x) Had a dream that you married someone
(X) Gotten your fingers stuck together with super glue
( ) Been a cheerleader
(X) Sat on a roof top
( x) Talked on the phone for more than 6 hours straight
(X) Stayed up all night alllllll the time

(X) Not taken a shower for three days

(X) Made contact with a ghost while playing a Ouija board
( ) Had more than 30 pairs of shoes at a time
( ) Gone streaking
(X) Been skinny dipping
(x ) Been pushed into a pool/lake with all your clothes on
( ) Had sex in a public or semi-public place
(X) Been kissed by a complete stranger
( x) Broken a bone
( x) Caught a butterfly
( x) Mooned/flashed someone
( x) Had someone moon/flash you
( x) Cheated on a test
(X) Forgotten someone’s name
(X) Slept naked

Like I said fairly boring answers. If you are interested in participating consider yourself tagged. Leave a comment so we know to come check out your answers.

BD

I AM Walter Payton

I am Walter Payton .....

So I am on my way home pretty much minding my own business. It is pouring down rain so I didn’t really have much choice in the matter as I couldn’t really see worth a damn. On a whim, I decide to stop by one of my old watering holes for a bite to eat and perhaps an adult libation or two. This place is located in a typical little strip mall along with a State farm agency, a florist, and a dry cleaners next door. Like I said it was raining and me being as sweet as I am (oh and modest of course never let me forget to tell you how modest I am), I was worried about getting wet and melting you know? Therefore, I begin to formulate a strategy to avoid such problems. Instead of parking in the normal lot, I park out back as it is much closer and has much more cover. It is about 630 pm or so and still about an hour away from normal darkness time. However, thanks to Mother Nature it is looking more like darkness is only minutes away.

There is a little breezeway moving from that back parking lot to said watering hole and I have deduced that using it is the best way to avoid getting totally drenched in my penguin suit; other wise known as my banquet uniform of white tuxedo shirt, black pants,Black vest and (by now untied) bowtie. I gather my keys, wallet, cell phone and stuff, take a deep breath, open the door to mustang Sally and dart out into the rain heading for cover. It is only a short trip, maybe 15 strides if that. As I run through the rain, I see a number of rather large puddles ahead of me and make plans to dart to the left to avoid this one, dart to the right to avoid that one. I take a moment to consider the idea of going back to my car for a t-shirt and dropping the tuxedo shirt off at the dry cleaners as long as I am already here, but ultimately decide not to do so.

The little boy’s active imagination, is still with me even if I may be getting up there in years. As it so often does, it chooses odd times (like this one) to show up. A bolt of lightning chooses that very moment to light up the entire sky as well. These two things (along with being crazy) combine to make me feel a sort of change, a transformation if you will.

It was like the moment Spiderman got bitten by the Spider.

It was the Incredible Hulk getting zapped by the radioactive waves.


I am no longer simply peon extraordinaire.

I am no longer simply BD, writer of crappy stories and corny anecdotes read by 3 readers from all over the world.

Those are no longer simple puddles blocking my way.

That up ahead is no longer simply a watering hole serving awesome Chicken Quesadillas and a cold bottle of Icehouse if I choose to have one.

In that moment when my imagination chose to visit and the sky lit up with brilliant light I was transformed.

In that moment I became Walter Payton, Hall of fame running back for the Chicago bears for many years. I wasn’t the only one/thing transformed mind you.

In that moment, that watering hole became the end zone….

In that moment, the bright neon sign of the neighboring dry cleaners proclaiming ‘yes we are open’ was transformed into a giant scoreboard showing the bears were down by 6 points with 7 seconds left in the Super bowl.


In that moment, those puddles up ahead grew out of the ground like some scene from Lord of the rings, and became great big menacing blockers hell bent on keeping me from making a touchdown.

I am determined, and I can hear the crowd counting down the seconds as they urge me on.

“Six!”

I dodge to the left avoiding the puddle/defender on the right and continue to run.

“Five!”

The puddle on the left becomes a menacing tackler, drooling at the mouth, and coming at me as if I had accused his mother of wearing combat boots. I duck quickly and perform a spin move back to the right. I hear him screaming obscenities when he realizes he has missed me as well.

“Do you kiss your mother (who DOES wear combat boots by the way), with that mouth?” I taunt looking back and continuing to run for my life.

“Three!”

One final tackler dives at my feet trying to knock me down, but I leap in the air hurdling over him easily and feeling myself inching closer to the goal line.

As quickly as the transformation started it ends.

This must be how Cinderalla felt when the clock struck midnight........

Minus the hot pink lacey thong and the glass slippers anyways.

I am still in the air, when the menacing tackler I have just hurdled over turns back into the ankle deep puddle I was trying to avoid stepping in.

I am still in the air, when the goal line that had been there just moments ago becomes nothing more than an ordinary sidewalk.

I am still in the air, when the end zone I had envisioned leaping into transforms itself back into nothing more than the outer walls of the dry cleaning shop and I realize for the first time that it is rapidly getting much MUCH closer. As I sink back to earth I wonder if I will be able to do so before or AFTER I do a complete face plant into the side of it and go sliding down like Wile E. Coyote in the old road runner cartoons. meep meep indeed!


I breathe a huge sigh of relief when I realize I will come down with plenty of room to spare on the sidewalk.

My relief is short lived though. No sooner do my wet shoes come into contact with the sidewalk than I feel my legs start to slip right out from under me.

Before I know it I have gone into full blown “turtle mode” on my back, legs and arms flailing at the air.

Before I know it, I am spinning and reminded of the time when I was a kid when some friends and I spread a large cardboard box out on the lawn and started trying out that new fad known as break dancing. I really sucked at it back then, but on this day, and at this moment while I spin out of control Vanilla Ice ain't got chit on me!

I see my car…..

I see the building……

I see my car……

I see the building…..

I see my c………wait that building was getting awfully close

I turn my head back to see that I am right.

I have time to consider all the crap I am sliding through, its effects on my new starched white tuxedo shirt.

I have time to feel mud and water splashing all over my black vest and realize that all of a sudden that little mishap earlier with the chocolate mousse wasn't so bad.

I have time to notice and appreciate the irony of this happening right outside of a dry cleaners.

I have time to consider going back to the car for the t-shirt after all.

I have time to see the “yes we are open” light go off, and hear the dead bolt of the door right in front of me slam into place.

I have time to think uh oh, this is going to hurt.

I have time to think if only I could have done moves like this on that cardboard!

I have time to think damn you imagination!

I have time to think damn you Walter payton!

I have time for all kinds of things, but CLEARLY stopping is NOT among them.

BLAM!

I hit the door going no less than 320 miles per hour.

I go through a mental roll call in my head.

“Everyone check in! Feet?”

Feet: “check, everything is fine and dandy down here!”

“Knees?”

Knees: “left knee is a bit bruised but he will be okay, right knee in full operating order!”

“Brain? you okay up there? No bleeding scalp wounds or anything I hope?” I ask remembering the 6 stiches I got in my head at the age of 10. Remembering the nine staples I got in my head at the age of 16. Mostly though, remembering having to have a huge bald spot shaved in my head both times. I have a moment of panic. I am not 10 anymore. I am not 16 anymore.

I have time to think , what if they shave a bald spot in my head this time and the hair doesn't grow back?

my thoughts are very rudely interuptted.

Ego: “screw the brains! screw the feet! What the HELL are you doing checking up on them for!!!???? You DO realize you are still lying on the ground in the middle of a rain soaked sidewalk don’t you? What if someone sees you? Get your ass up!!!!”

I have just agreed with the ego and am starting to pull myself up, cussing at the mud all over my white shirt when the Korean operator of the dry cleaners cracks open the door, sees me, decides I must be looking to have my shirt cleaned and screams in broken English

“We no open no moah, come back eeen moahnin, open seven dirty!” and slams the door in my face.

I couldn’t help laughing on my way home though I did NOT get any Quesadillas that night.

Safe to say, I did NOT get any adult libations that night either.


BD

tags:waitress,aging,Sunday Scribblings,old fart,smartass,
tags:Walter Payton,imagination,waiters,humor

NaNoWriMo

NanoWriMo

November is NanoWRImo month. NanoWriMo, for those that may be interested or may not know is short for National Novel Writing Month. It is an exercise (for lack of a better word) where the object is to write a 50,000 word novel in just 30 days. Sounds crazy? I agree it is indeed more than a bit insane. Sounds impossible? Well upon first glance I thought the same thing as well. However, there are a few things that work quite a bit in your advantage should you choose to accept this mission.

First, the main focus is on quantity, NOT quality. Chris Baty’s book about this called “No plot No problem, A low stress,High velocity guide to writing a novel in 30 days” is quite useful to anyone that is thinking of trying this out this year. In it he says something along the lines of “quit trying to write the next best seller and focus on writing something that won’t make the person reading it vomit.” That line more than any other helped me quite a bit when I did this on my own early this year in February. The results it is safe to say, were NOT great by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, parts of it after going back to read it a few months later were flat out pathetic to say the least.

However, it DID allow me to at least get a VERY rough first draft out of my head and onto the paper (or computer). It DID allow me to confirm that this whole “maybe I COULD actually write something worthwhile” idea that had been bumping around in my head for years wasn’t quite so insane after all. Will it lead any where? I don’t know, and truth be told I doubt it. However, it COULD lead some where and I had a good time doing it. Even if the results were crap, they were MY crap so the sense of accomplishment was worth it if for no other reason. Anyways, if any of you out there have ever thought about writing a book and been looking for a push to get you started, perhaps this is it. If you are interested you can go to the website http://www.nanowrimo.org and find countless other people doing the same thing. I think there were 60,000 people that did it last year if I am not mistaken. Therefore, even if you ARE crazy for attempting such insanity, at least you won’t be crazy and alone in doing so. If any of my three readers are interested in or planning to participate, by all means let me know.

Take it easy,

BD

tags:Lonely moon,shortstory,Sunday Scribblings,NaNoWriMo,smartass,
tags:writing,waitress,contest,humor

Is it October already?

Is it really October already?


I was finally making my way overdue rounds of blogs yesterday. While visiting Jason’s blog over at Clarity of night, I read one of his posts regarding Halloween and scary movies. As I said in comments over there I LOVE scary movies, or at least I did as a kid anyways. However, for the most part I can not remember the last really GOOD one I have seen in YEARS. Amityville didn’t do it for me. Texas chainsaw was better than the first one, but in my opinion the first one was WAY WAY overated so that isn’t really saying much. The exorcism of Emily Rose was disappointing to me as well. The only ones that were remotely good were Saw I and II but they just weren’t the same in the ‘wow factor’ of the movies back in the day. Not the same as the old freddy Krugers. Not nearly the same as the Halloween’s and Friday the 3,464’s. That got me to thinking. Have I simply out grown the thrill of them or are they really just not as good as they used to be? SURELY with all the advancements in movies, and graphics and such there HAVE to be some good ones out there. SURELY I just haven’t been picking the right ones. That being the case does anyone have any suggestions? What is the ONE scarey movie(or several better yet) that in your mind you think “I just HAVE to see!” Please by all means, fill me in, cause I would LOVE to hear about em. They don’t HAVE to be recent by any means. You can include the classics if you like as well. Off the top of my head here are some of my favorites in no particular order.

Friday the 13th’s –though as bad as the filmmaking was I am sure they would SUCK now.
But back then they were awesome!

Nightmare on elmstreet- I loved these back then cause they were funny AND a bit scarey.
Again I doubt I would enjoy them much now though.

The shining- As Jason mentioned this one on his blog, I am going to watch it again soon.
This one I KNOW I will still like a lot!

There was another one that I very VERY vaguely remember enjoying but have NO idea what it was. The only thing I remember is an old man in and old house and it opens up with a rubber ball bouncing down some stairs. I have NO clue what the name of it was,
Does anyone know? (shot in the dark to ask but what the hell)

What are some of your faves?

where I have been and what i have been doing

               Where I have been and what I have been up to


     So as my very minor and scarce updates have mentioned recently things have been changing quite a bit in the world of brilliant donkey as of late. To start with, I traded in both hellay and hellbee about a month ago. I am not sure what the Kelley blue book value on them was, but  after a lot of ( I must say good) haggling on my part I managed to get a total trade in value of three dollars and twenty four cents for the two of them combined. I am now working in just one completely different restaurant. As of now it is still pretty new to me, so I haven’t dubbed it hellsee yet, though in time I am sure that will come even if I don’t really mean it.  I have long been of the opinion and had the theory that for the most part every restaurant (and probably other types of  businesses as well are more or less the same). The name on the outside of the building may be different. The names on the nametags of the people may change but for the most part they are all the same. No matter where you go there will always be a certain percentage of slackers.

Always be a certain percentage of brown nosers.

Always be a certain percentage of people that get away with murder.

And always be a certain percentage of people that drive you absolutely batty every chance they get.

Working at hellbee for just under 15 years I was always amused to a degree watching people come and go. Watching them move on to the next restaurant down the street, and then the next and the next and so on and so on. All the while I would be thinking Carabbas, chillis, Ruby Tuesdays, Outback or countless others they were jumping to and from were all just different versions of the same place. If I just had a dime for evertime the  following conversation took place, I would indeed be a very rich man:

“hey BD, so how long have you worked here?”

“10 years, 11 years, 12 years, 15 years” depending on the time was always my answer.

“HOWWWWWWWW W LONG!?????” (enter gaping mouth, wide eyed, stunned look here)

The looks always said the same thing if they didn’t say it outright. It was always some version of “why the HELL would you stay here for THAT long?” Most of the time I didn’t really think I had an answer to that question, but the above mentioned theory was a big part of it is about as close as I could come to having one. So for allllllll those people over the past 15 years that asked me that question, there is your answer. Working for the last 4 years at hellay in my mind pretty much confirmed my theory for me. Same place, different building.

Anyways, so now I have moved on to hellsee. See? I told you it would happen. I officially dub thee, ‘HELLSEE”……….


Hellsee, I am not positive yet will not be all that much different than hellay or hellbee either. A few VERY big differences though are

1)it is a very small(read very UN CORPORATE) family restaurant. Needing a new set of salt shakers, won’t require sending paper work through 17 levels of management, and bean counters.

Won’t require six meetings, three conference calls, and countless emails to and from aforementioned  bean counters, and managers to determine whether or not new salt shakers are indeed necessary or not.

Won’t require asking for 7 salt shakers, KNOWING that doing so will automatically cause manager #1 to knock off one, bean counter #3-5 to knock off one apiece, and result in me finally getting the just 3 salt shakers that I needed in the first place.


And more importantly,

2)it is(or soon will be) in part MY very small very UNCORPORATE restaurant.


It is a small place (seating about 85), out in the middle of the boonies, in a small town I am thinking of dubbing “stuck”. For a city boy like me it is DEFINITELY a bit ‘off the beaten path almost an hour each way travel time for me to get there. I don’t as of yet mind the drive. At least not as much as I mind the thought of packing up all my stuff and moving at least. Lol


So now I guess I will have to surf the web in search of someone ELSE posting on a blog about ME being the jackass owner/manager doing all sorts of stuff wrong lol.

Well it is almost 3 am, so I am going to shut up for now and get this posted. I am sure there will be more but wanted to at least give a partial update.

Until next time, take it easy.

BD

tagged

Roadchick tagged me with the following meme.

Does anyone else feel suddenly snobbish or something when they use that word? Meme

Why does that simple little word always bring images of a stuck up Rich,yuppie, wife talking through her nose in my mind. I can even hear her saying something like

"Samantha dahling, did you get my meme? Biff is going out of town for a work confrence upstate, so I thought I would get you and the other guhls together for afternoon tea. See you around 3? Okay tah tah "

"Jeeves? The girls will be here around 3. Be a doll and wash the Bentley and have Consuela bring some caviar out on to the patio okay? kay.

Anyways,,,,,,The meme is as follows:

The Rules of this tag game are:
1. Grab the book nearest to you...no cheating!
2. Open to page 123.
3. Scroll down to the fifth sentence.
4. Post text of next 3 sentences on to your blog.

I actually have two books next to me. The first is "Play dead" by Anne frazier. It is a pretty good book and the first of hers that I have read. I also have her new one that I have been touting but haven't gotten around to reading it yet.

anywhoooooo that excerpt is:

"If all went smoothly,he would be back to Savannah by early evening. It was still dark when he boarded the small commuter jet, carrying nothing but a briefcase with copies of the divorce papers plus some notes on the TTX case."

The other book within reach is "Lost Lake" by Phillip Margolin who is one of my favorite authors.

That excerpt:

"Oh, and there was a call from that man Kirkpatrick."

"what did he want?"

"Morelli is being arraignedat the hospital at one O'clock."

"Today?"

"That is what the message said. He called last night after we forwarded the phones. Than answering service took the call."

(end excerpt)

Okay this isn't really fair. Roadchick, gets an excerpt that causes all kinds of funky possibilities to take out of context. I can't seem to come up with any way to make those excerpts funny or kinky but oh well.

I will pass this on by tagging Michael at Cardiac Fantasies, Christine at Ramblings of a gypsy Soul. Consider yourselves tagged you two.

BD