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Things I would never write
Ever since I was a kid, I always promised myself a few things. Some of them are as follows:
-I will never no matter how old I get, I will NEVER EVER walk outside in shorts and black socks. NEVER will I be that old.
-I will never no matter how old I get, I will NEVER EVER wear socks with flip flops!
-I will never no matter how old I get, I will never EVER be one of those ‘ when I was a kid I had to walk to school in 4 feet of snow past packs of rabid, wild dogs’ kind of people.
-I will never no matter how old I get use the words “son, daughter believe me this is going to hurt ME more than it hurts you.”
-I will never bring up the ‘starving children in India’ as an attempt to guilt someone into
Eating Brussel sprouts!
-I will never tell my kids (should I ever have them) to keep the number for UPS handy so when their mother breaks out the brussel sprout guilt trip, they can offer to send them to the starving children absolutely, positively overnight. ( this one will be tough)
Did you ever come up with the perfect comeback to a joke or remark but do so AFTER you were on the way home? You know, driving home in your car and you think "DAMN ! I SHOULD have said "yeah well the jerk store called and they are running out of YOU!" You ever do that? Well don't feel too bad I have too. However, 22 years later coming up with the brussel sprouts reply for mom brings that to whole NEW levels, Dang it why didn't I think of that back then?
Anyways, where was I?
-I will never be one of those “well I remember when candy bars were a nickel, and you could fly all the way around the world on $32” type of people.
HOWEVER,
I DO know a loop hole when I see it. Thanks to this week’s Sunday scribblings which is
“things I would never write”, I not only see the loop hole I am jumping through it!
I never thought I would ever EVER write the words “whew Thank goodness gas has gone DOWN to ONLY 2.60 per gallon!
I never thought I would write “Yes! I found coke on sale today for JUST $4 per 12 pack!
I never thought I would write “woooohooo thanks to my discount my cable bill is ONLY $48 dollars per month! Can you believe it?”
I never thought I would write “ I sure am glad I started conserving energy, my light bill went all the way down to $98!”
I never thought I would write “Thank goodness it is 2 for 1 happy hour, that makes this beer only $2.45!”
As I die hard Boston Redsox fan I never thought I would write or say "Damnit It has been 3 years since we won the world series, what the hell are you guys waiting for???"
Finally, with my pension for being wordy, I never EVER thought I would say or write "sorry this post is so short but that is all I have for now."
Thanks again Sunday scribblings for the loop hole and allowing me to keep my childhood promises to myself. You all are the best! For more Sunday Scribblings click HERE.
tags:Seinfeld,aging,Sunday Scribblings,old fart,smartass,
tags:Red sox,Seinfeld,baseball,humor
Sunday, September 10, 2006
what I would never write
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12 comments:
"Did you ever come up with the perfect comeback to a joke or remark but do so AFTER you were on the way home?"
Yes, yes! All the time!
Great post.
Quirky take on it! A loophole, perhaps, but it's all about creativity. In school I always loved to write but I was also a loophole-finder. I never wanted to write exactly what I was told or how. I had to find a way to make it mine. I still do that. So, good for you!
Good post! It' hard to say "I will never do this... or write that..." only to admit (sheepishly) that you have done the things that you swore you would never do.
So funny that you mention brussle sprouts in your post - we just had a discussion about that at dinner last night. My son claimed he wanted to try every fruit and vegetable in the world and asked what brussle sprouts tasted like. I said, "I don't know, but they smell like sweaty gym socks when they're cooking so I think you'll have to try them at someone else's house." I've always told my kids, try it once, if you don't like it, I won't make you eat it. It's worked very well for us and my kids are NOT picky eaters like some. Great take on the prompt this week BD!
A Sunday Scribblings newbie here who is ROTFLMAO about this post!
It's great!!
Unfortuantely, I must admit to having worn the socks and flip-flops look once (I was just going to the market for milk and dog food, but I was overdue for a pedicure, so ... I know, excuses don't help, LOL).
And I would kill for your cable discount considering my bill (with internet) is upwards of $85/mo (and I gripe about it in very grumpy-old-lady fashion because (even at 30) I remember when tv was free, darn it!) LOL :)
Whatchu got against Brussel sprouts?
Tell you what - you can have any chicken shakes that comes to the 'chick and she'll take your Brussel sprouts.
leonie: me too
laini: me too!
autrice: Ummmmm meeee too!
Kim: I grew up with the 'try it and if you dont like it no problem' rule as well so I am NOT a picky eater either by any stretch.
lulubunny: welcome to my blog and to sunday scribblings. I hope you are enjoying yourself and will come back.
roadchick: deal!
chelle y: No I am not a mother. I would be rich if ever I managed to become one since I am a man though. Wait,,,,,It isn't totally uncommon for people to call me a mother and add another word or two. Does that count?
Ohhh - all those points are excellent ones. I also never thought I'd be HAPPY to see petrol prices at $1.20 per litre. Gack!
Great post and a fun read, BD. I paid $2.26/gal for gas this morning and felt like I'd found $5 on the sidewalk.
"As I die hard Boston Redsox fan I never thought I would write or say "Damnit It has been 3 years since we won the world series, what the hell are you guys waiting for???"
I love it! As a die hard fan myself I find myself thinking this sometimes. lol Hey I waited 25 years, I can wait another 25.
Hey Bud, everything OK out that way? Haven't heard you out and about for awhile.
Michael
yup everything is fine,Just in the middle of a Job change that is keeping me pretty busy lately. Thanks for asking though.
BD
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