Things I would never write
Ever since I was a kid, I always promised myself a few things. Some of them are as follows:
-I will never no matter how old I get, I will NEVER EVER walk outside in shorts and black socks. NEVER will I be that old.
-I will never no matter how old I get, I will NEVER EVER wear socks with flip flops!
-I will never no matter how old I get, I will never EVER be one of those ‘ when I was a kid I had to walk to school in 4 feet of snow past packs of rabid, wild dogs’ kind of people.
-I will never no matter how old I get use the words “son, daughter believe me this is going to hurt ME more than it hurts you.”
-I will never bring up the ‘starving children in India’ as an attempt to guilt someone into
Eating Brussel sprouts!
-I will never tell my kids (should I ever have them) to keep the number for UPS handy so when their mother breaks out the brussel sprout guilt trip, they can offer to send them to the starving children absolutely, positively overnight. ( this one will be tough)
Did you ever come up with the perfect comeback to a joke or remark but do so AFTER you were on the way home? You know, driving home in your car and you think "DAMN ! I SHOULD have said "yeah well the jerk store called and they are running out of YOU!" You ever do that? Well don't feel too bad I have too. However, 22 years later coming up with the brussel sprouts reply for mom brings that to whole NEW levels, Dang it why didn't I think of that back then?
Anyways, where was I?
-I will never be one of those “well I remember when candy bars were a nickel, and you could fly all the way around the world on $32” type of people.
I DO know a loop hole when I see it. Thanks to this week’s Sunday scribblings which is
“things I would never write”, I not only see the loop hole I am jumping through it!
I never thought I would ever EVER write the words “whew Thank goodness gas has gone DOWN to ONLY 2.60 per gallon!
I never thought I would write “Yes! I found coke on sale today for JUST $4 per 12 pack!
I never thought I would write “woooohooo thanks to my discount my cable bill is ONLY $48 dollars per month! Can you believe it?”
I never thought I would write “ I sure am glad I started conserving energy, my light bill went all the way down to $98!”
I never thought I would write “Thank goodness it is 2 for 1 happy hour, that makes this beer only $2.45!”
As I die hard Boston Redsox fan I never thought I would write or say "Damnit It has been 3 years since we won the world series, what the hell are you guys waiting for???"
Finally, with my pension for being wordy, I never EVER thought I would say or write "sorry this post is so short but that is all I have for now."
Thanks again Sunday scribblings for the loop hole and allowing me to keep my childhood promises to myself. You all are the best! For more Sunday Scribblings click HERE.
tags:Seinfeld,aging,Sunday Scribblings,old fart,smartass,
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Things I would never write
Posted by briliantdonkey at 12:53 AM