Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Labor day ramblings

Labor day Ramblings


Fair warning, this post is probably going to go all over the place and May be in need of a pg-13 or worse rating due to a bit of the language. Proceed at your own risk.

First off to get the bad stuff out of the way. It was a bit of a shock to find out today that Steve Irwin known by most as the crocodile Hunter died today after being stung by a stingray of all things. My thoughts and condolences go out to his family. However, at the same time I can’t help but envy him to some degree. He died doing what he clearly loved doing. To think of all the times I have watched him wrestle alligators, crocodiles, play with sharks, rattlesnakes and the like and thought “man this guy is nuts” or man this guy is going to get himself killed. I can't help think this stingray just happened to get off the stingray version of a lucky punch on the school yard bully. I wonder if he is swimming around now with his chest all puffed out. I wonder if the sharks and such that used to pick on him and call him names aren't avoiding him right about now. "whoa thats the guy that got the croc hunter!"Just two days ago, I was invited to go fishing for the first time in years. I caught a few small fish, and myself.

Twice.

Other than that the only thing I caught were three or four fairly small stingrays. Each time I caught one I guided him over to my landlord on the other end of the boat to get him off the hook. Each time I felt like a big ole scaredy cat in doing so. Each time, I looked around with a bit of Paranoia expecting the local chapter of the P.R.U(Penile Repossession Unit) to swarm in, surround the boat and take me in to custody. Now to see that the stingrays got to the crocodile hunter of all people, I don't feel so bad,,,,,,,,,,chrikey!!!!! . I saw an interview on the news regarding this today. The prime minister(is that what they call them in Australia I think?),,,Anyways, thier version of the president summed it up best when he said something like "I as the president can go to America, or most other countries and few if any of the people there would have any idea who I was. Steve on the other hand was instantly recognizable by most." Rest in peace Steve and thanks for the years of entertainment.



Next, To my 3 readers let me start by saying Happy Labor day to you. Why do they call THIS Labor day anyways? Especially when half of the country gets the day off? Either I have been doing things wrong the other 300 or so days a year that I LABOR or this should be called NOT Labor day!

Fast forward to tomorrow and beyond.

Ring ring ring

“hello?”

“umm BD? This is Manager X at Hellay, It is 10:00 are you coming in to work today or not?

“today is not labor day!” Click!

Ring ring ring

“hello?”

“ummm BD? This is manager Y from Hellbee, it is 3:30 did you not realize you were working today or what?”

“call manager X from Hellay” Click!

Ring ring ring

“hello, you have reached 633-9675(off-work), This is BD, I can’t come to the phone right now but if you will leave your name, number, and a short message I will get back to you or see you at work on the next labor day in 364 days,,,,,,beeeeeeep!”

Will this work? We shall see, stay tuned.

I was reading a post by Alyndabear the other day. In it she was talking about some of the odd places people who had come from to visit her site. Curious I decided to look up some of these on my own site. Some of the ones I found are as follows.

First the expected: The majority of the three people that tend to read my blog come from places like Sunday Scribblings, waiterrant, barmaidblog, FlashFlood, or the Clarity of Night.


Then there were the "not so expected"

One came from typing in “Just for men hair coloring” into thier search engine. Okay I can deal with that. I did a post regarding this here so I can see how that would happen.

Another found my site as a result of looking up “pinoy’ , again I have done a post where I mentioned that word a time or two before so again I can see that as well.

Yet another, by typing in “Janice Tobin”. I had forgotten using that as totally fictional name in one of my posts/stories. Someone it seems was doing an ego google I am guessing. Okay, fair enough.

Then there is the disturbing, or downright creepy:


Apropos of nothing whatsoever:

To whom it may concern,

A)I have no idea what you were looking for when you typed in “mexicandonkeygirls” into your search engine. B) I really don’t WANT to know and C)It is safe to say you wont be finding it here. Please be careful when you leave. I would hate to see the door hit you in the ass(no pun intende,,,,,ahhhh who am I kidding TOTALLY intended) on the way out.


Briliantdonkey is simply another way of saying "SMARTASS" and not violating any kind of Terms of service agreement. You can even look each word up in the thesaurus later in this post for confirmation.

It in NO way, shape or form has ANYTHING to do with mexican girls, donkeys, or whatever you may have been looking for.

I am not overly familiar with how this whole search engine thing works. Apparently, by using the word Mexican, in a post or two out of 39, the word Donkey in my title, and the completely innocent use of the word girls who knows how many times, Some search engine decided someone looking for MexicanDonkeyGirls MUST be looking for MY site,,,,,, Computers don't make mistakes my arse! WOW!

Speaking of the good ole Thesaurus:

So I am working on my Lonely Moon contest entry about a week ago. I came to a part where I was in danger of using the word “thoughts” twice in one short paragraph. To avoid this, I clicked on dictionary.com and from there clicked on the thesaurus.com link.

A little side note here. When looking to name your book on synonyms or like words you couldn’t come up with a better name than “THESAURUS”? Intrigued by this question I was side tracked once again for a few moments and naturally typed “thesaurus” into the thesaurus box. DOZENS of possibilities…… in your OWN book, on your OWN site! I rest my case! Ahhh but I digress.

Where was I? Oh so I am looking for another word for thoughts. I type “thoughts” into the “word list” site box(see how much easier that was?) I am expecting to see ,,,,,,,,Oh I don’t know,

Ideas,
Observations,
Thinking,

Stuff like that.

To my surprise the first result listed is “breast”. Don’t believe me? Feel free to click this link and see for yourself! I Dare you. Even EYE can’t make this kind of stuff up. Needless to say, this result I was NOT expecting. Now mind you, I could let this new information go. Hell I HAVE let it go for days now. Tonight it occurred to me that doing so was so very UN Briliantdonkey like of me though. So with that in mind let me say the following.

:::::enter my best Dr. Phil voice here::::::::

Fellas, walking up to a beautiful woman and saying “penny for your breast” will STILL cause you to get the shit slapped out of you.

-Coming home from the strip club and claiming you were just there to ‘get in touch with your thoughts’ is NOT a good idea.

-Next time you get caught staring at another woman’s boobs, “I was just thinking” is in SPITE of thesaurus, NOT going to get you out of the dog house.

And ladies, Next time you look at your husband, boyfriend, brother, father in law, or even girlfriend for that matter and ask in exasperation “why are you always thinking about breasts?” On behalf of the fine folks over at the thesaurus company let me say ….

Congratulations, you may have just A) asked your question a bit redundantly or B)answered your own question!

That’s all, the three of you have been a great crowd, goodnight.

BD

edited to add: This just in as of 5 minutes ago: search engine= donkey, shit, cigs

sends someone to MY blog. WTF? I soooo have to start watching every word I say for now on.

There is nothing like finding out your name is now synonymous with 'smoking donkey shit' to help keep your ego in check ........

And my mother thought I would never make her proud......Pshhhhaww!

I am not quite sure which is more disturbing. That fact, or the thought of What in the WORLD are these people searching for?

I am kind of curious as to how other people found me, so if you would if you would like to tell me in the comment section I would appreciate it. No big deal, I would just like to be able to send out my "don't worry they can't be mad at you forever" emails.

BD

tags:,,,,,
tags:,,,

8 comments:

alyndabear said...

I have just sat here for about 5 minutes, and now have tears in my eyes from the MexicanDonkeyGirls (what the heck are they, anyway? You're right, I don't want to know.. Actually, yeah, I do!) and the Thought/Breasts. Hah! I always knew they had a mind of their own.. rofl!

RIP poor Steve, it's really sad for such an (overly) Australian icon to pass away so young. What is Labor Day anyway? We don't have that holiday here..

-Aly

normiekins said...

some search engines are whack!...great misc post...i found you through clarity of the night it had nothing to do with eyeore,tits or bartenders....poor Steve he will be missed...i watched his show many times.

Roadchick said...

Just wanted to check in as Reader #3 - Happy Labor Day to you, Donkey Dahlin'!

Would write more but think it's about time to head for the house.

Flood said...

People from Malaysia google about floods, then come to my blog to see 'what to do in case of a Flash Flood.' I doubt very much that writing about it gonna keep them safe.

christine said...

LOL Great laugh for the day as usual!

Am still mourning the death of Steve Irwin, and keep thinking about the wife and 2 kids he's left behind. I hope they're ok.

briliantdonkey said...

Alyndabear: When I was in the army I heard that in mexico they have shows where People(including women) do all sorts of things with animals. I can only guess the M.D.G.(abbreviated to avoid being moved up the rankings of crazy search engine) thing had something to do with that. ::::shudder:::::


Flood: lol, I too doubt writing about it is going to do much good.

Christine,normie, chick,: welcome back good to see yall(yes I say 'yall') as always

Beth said...

I found you from my blog site "Middle Aged Student Ravings".
Interesting and amusing, I like your style.

Anonymous said...

Ha! I really, really laughed when I read donkey, shit, cigs.

That is some funny shit just there.

When I worked in a video store many moons ago, there was a New Release called "Hoof Care For Donkeys" - I was always a little peturbed as to what someone living in a City in Australia would want with that...