recently overheard

Server: "Are you about ready to order or do you need a few minutes?"

Guest: "I think I am ready."

Server: (pulling out her handy dandy order pad)"Okay I am ready when you are"

Guest: "I think I will have the chicken dinner."

Server: "Ma'am would you like the three piece chicken dinner or the 5 piece?"

Guest: "What's the difference?"

Server: (looking confused) " Ummmm.......two pieces"

Fortunately she stopped just short of saying "duh"


BD

happy

Happy D.A.C. everyone!

The real holiday is finally here.

Call me a scrooge if you must, perhaps it is true.

Accuse me of not being in 'the spirit' if you like, we shall agree to disagree.

Now life can go back to normal for a year at least.

No more waiting in line for 15 minutes every time I run into the store.

No more thinking, 'Man I can't afford to get them something' moments

No more, "I give up i have no idea what to get them" moments.

No more ' damn they got me something' moments.

No more ' Thats who I forgot!" V8 moments

No more, "Aw man I got them something and they didn't get me anything, I hope they dont feel bad cause they reallllllly shouldn't" moments.

No more, "Don't I feel like an ass for not getting them anything' moments.

No more songs about reindeer and how shiny and red their nose is.

No more songs about poor defenseless grand mothers getting run over by reindeer(who were probably too busy looking at their nose and wondering what the big deal is.

I don't know who the hell Jack frost is, but if he ever comes nipping at my nose there may be a problem.

What is it about christmas and noses anyways?


Yes my friends, the reall holiday is here. The day after christmas.

Hope everyone has a great one!

All joking aside, I hope everyone had a merry and safe christmas and a super happy new years.


BD

Where is all the fun?

Is it really almost December already? I was walking around walmart shortly after halloween and heard my first Christmas song playing over the loud speaker. Call me a grinch, but I beleive I said out loud something along the lines of "what the F@#@!"


It is hard to believe that thanksgiving is this week, Christmas is just around the corner, and before you know it it will be freaking 2008? REally? Already?

Wasn't it just yesterday we were all hearing about that big Y2k scare?

Computers are going to crash.

Medical equipment will just stop working.

Bank computers will screw everything up and all our money will dissappear.

Gas station computers will mess up and Gas will go for $3 a gallon!

Whew! glad none of THAT happened!

They say time flies when you are having fun. I guess I must be having a blast, but dont seem to recall a hell of a lot of fun occuring.

Speaking of christmas how would you like to get one of THESE?

























I don't know what the official name of these things are. hairless sphinx cat I think?

Wow, do people really own these things? Not to say thats one ugly mo-fo, but I think every pekignese dog around the world, yoda, and ET just started feeling much better about themselves.


-I don't know why people tell me stuff. I used to think it was because I was a bartender and 'people just tell their bartenders anything'. However I haven't worked behind a bar in well over a year but people still feel this need to share things with me that make me want to cut my ears off with a dull butter knife.


Hope you all have a great turkey day, even if you are one of the 48 billion customers that come through our doors on Thanksgiving day.

Jason is at it again

For those of you who may be interested, Jason over at The clarity of night is holding another contest. You can click the link above or in my sidebar for all of the details. However the short version of it is you are to write a story of 250 words or less based on the above picture. He has held a number of these contests in the past(6 I think), and I have taken part in 3 or 4 myself. Besides the creative process, it is always quite interesting to see the many different directions people can get from the same picture. I cant count how many of my favorite blogs have been found as a direct result of participating in these things. So, if you have any interest in writing, getting some feedback or even just reading some good stories head on over and take part. I highly recommend it.

Take it easy,

BD

ramblings

Safe to say I haven't been too active in the blog world as of late. Nothing major to post about now either but a few things that have gone through my mind lately.


-Daylight savings time: I have probably posted on this before but oh well. Can someone please splain to me the usefulness of this? Want to make this useful? Do it twice a week. Friday at 4pm boom, spring forward to 5 and you get to go home. Monday mornings at 6 am ? fall back an hour and get an extra hour of sleep. Current system pointless. My system? Very useful!


-If you weigh 400 pounds and fail to fit into a booth it is NOT because the booths are unusually small.

-Why is it if you have a restaurant with 10 open and clean tables people will come in and invariably sit at the dirty one? wtf?

-The spandex you are wearing however, ARE unusually small.

-Speaking of Spandex,,,,,,umm soooooo NOT for everyone!

-Whoever thought up the idea for these tostitos scoops is a genius! LOVE the idea of these things. For dipping, for nachos, they are the BOMB! Now can we just make some with flavor?
Add some nacho cheese or something puuuuuhleaseeeeeee!

-"Paper" does NOT qualify as a flavor

-I always find it funny though at times disturbing to see how people find their way to my blog.

For instance some of the odd things people have put in search engines lately to find their way here.

"donkey sex with ladies" (or various versions of such)yeahhhh I dont know what you were looking for(okay yes I do, but Im trying to keep the mental image out of my mind). Anyways, there will be none of that here move along.

"whispered zip up your pants".....I have no clue where that came from but maybe I wrote that somewhere.

"mother in law peeked at my penis".......well if your mother in law DOES peek at your penis she probably WILL tell you to zip up your pants.

Funny of the day

Or considering my posting rate as of late perhaps "funny of the month" would be better. Anywhooooo, found this on one of the sites I visit.

From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story,of a couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to have their car breakdown in the parking lot. The man told his wife to go on in and shop while he fixed the car in the lot. The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection,she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the car. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underwear turned private parts into glaringly public one's. Unable to stand the embarrassment,she stepped forward quickly put her hand up his shorts and tucked everything back into place.On regaining to her feet, she looked up and found her husband staring at her. The mechanic however had to have three stitches in his forehead. So this story means always wear underwear or something like this could happen to you.


Damnit, mom was right again! Always wear clean underwear.

Unless you are a mechanic I guess, then wear a helmet.

BD

Goldilocks

It has been a rather odd few weeks as of late. I told you the story of getting pulled over for driving too slow. It is safe to say that I haven't heard the end of it since then, and truth be told Nor should I. Fast forward a few weeks.....

Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over?

Me: "I wasn't driving too slow was I?"

Officer: (enter combination weird/ ' Oh so you think you are a smartass' look here),,,,," Could I see your license?"

Me: "Sure."

Brain: "Don't you DARE volunteer your registration!"

Officer: "and your registration?"

Brain: shit

Me: "here you go"

Officer: "Mr. Donkey, do you know how fast you were going?"

Me: "(exhaling),,,,Just tell me I wasn't driving too slow."

Officer: "No sir, you were doing 72 in a 55."

Me: "phewwwwww!"

Officer: " You are happy about it? Is this a joke to you?"

Me: "Oh, no sir! It's just that I got pulled over for driving too slow not long ago. I have been catching hell for it ever since. If I did THAT again, I am sure my car would disown me and I may lose my man card."

Officer: "For driving too slow? (enter laugh here) Nice car by the way."

Brain: Sweet, we may just talk our way out of this.

Officer: "I will be right back."

Brain: Or not

Too slow,,,,,,too fast......Now I just have to figure out what speed is just right.